Family matters but how far should we go out on a limb to help?

@Citychic (4071)
United States
May 7, 2009 5:45pm CST
This should be interesting to hear everyone's responses. Let's say that you're in the position of a parent. You pretty much got ur children raised and your house is all paid for. All of a sudden, one of ur grown children want to come back home to live. Her or she is given a bed and given all access to the household. The adult child doesn't work outside of the home. He or she is starting to feel like , mom and dad should take care of me. So adult child smokes in the house, drinks, eats and do whatever else they can get away with doing. Never contributing to the finances and doing very little to give back to parents. How long would you put up with this situation. Would you toss adult child out of the house or would you feel that it's ur obligation to continue to care for adult child?
1 person likes this
4 responses
• Philippines
8 May 09
Pretty tough, but as a parent. You have to bare all of your aduld childs doings. Yes, it is your responsibility to guide him or her what ever he/she does in his life. But you must also give him a limitation when it comes to your household like to forbid him with his vice inside your home so that your younger children wont see what he is doing. Talk to him in a good manner not a nag. He'll eventually listen to you and soon realize his wrong doings..Im telling you this because i am also a parent.. Im looking forward for your reply :). . Please add me up in your friends list anyway..Thanks! GODSPEED!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 09
I would give them a choice...either start contributing in some way or leave. If they can't pay then have them do things around the house...repairs, paint, the laundry, whatever. But it is crucial that everyone learns NO ONE LIVES FOR FREE. There must be a contribution of some kind and if they refused to even contribute their services then they would have to go.
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
7 May 09
Family matters............ Thanks very much 4 ur response my friend, I realize it's not an easy decision to make but as you said, it's important that everyone should learn how to contribute. Fortunately it's not me that's in this situation but it's someone that I'm very close to and I don't want to see this person get taken advantage of by anyone, family or not. I appreciate ur contribution. Happy Mylotting!
1 person likes this
@bird123 (10542)
• United States
18 May 09
Well now, just who is running the show????? If they are going to act like children, you need to treat them like children. Make rules to follow. If you are living in my house, you must follow my rules. Include chores with the rules. Most kids leave home because of freedom. If you are still having problem, change what to eat. Until they get a job, they live on dried beans. Very inexpensive but not exciting for most people. They will be eating healthy but most will do anything for that junk food. You might have to lock the fridge but it will get the average person looking for a job just to eat. So think!!! Love them and help them too, only in a way where they can stand on their own two feet. Let them KNOW that is what you expect!!! Good luck!
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
15 May 09
I would tell that adult child that she/he needs to start helping out by getting a job & maybe help with some bills & maybe even food as well. I would give them a certain amount of time to find a job. It can take time, sometimes months to actually find a job, so in the mean time I would ask of them to help with house chores. When I was 17, I was working & helping my mom out with some bills & sometimes rent. This helped me grow up faster. I now live on my own with my husband & kids. I think parents should put their foot down sooner then later. A child will continue to be lazy if the parents keeps allowing it. It will be harder in the long run. And if the adult child refuses, then as hard as it might be, you might have to show some tough love & give them 30 days to move out. They will soon realize how easy they had it.