birthday party

United States
May 9, 2009 8:42pm CST
would you ever cancle one of your kids birthday parties because of there bad behavior ? my son is going to be 11 next friday and he's acting up really bad and stealing off his baby sister who is only going to be 1 on sunday so i told him that because of his actions i am cancling his party and i am not getting him anything because he don't deserve it, so he can stay in his room while his sister has her party, am i wrong for doing this, i have tryed every other punishment there is i took all his stuff i tryed time outs nothing works, i am tired of hearing the excuse that it's because he has adhd,odd and bipolar because i know other kids that have it and they don't do any thing that he does,
4 people like this
11 responses
@LadyMarissa (12160)
• United States
10 May 09
I am probably the wrong person to be responding to your question. I firmly believe a child will do ANYTHING they can get away with...ADHD, ADD, bipolar or not. From the little you've said here, I'd cancel his party in a skinny minute. I'm sure he'll do his best to make you miserable afterward. As long as you're ready for the consequences, go for it!!! I've babysat for kids afflicted by the same ailments as your son. If you expect respect, he will eventually give it to you as long as you don't flinch. Don't threaten him with anything you're not prepared to go through with. Once you make up your mind, be prepared to follow through ALL the way!!! Good luck in your journey!!!
• United States
10 May 09
I guess my question to you would have to be..Are you sure he is understanding just what it is that he is doing wrong? With all the problems I am just wondering with him stealing from his sister if there may be some underlying jealousyly that he has. I don't think I would go that drastic as to cancel his party, but I think I would be talking with his doctor and letting him know what his behaviors have been and see if maybe he might need a medication change. I think by canceling his party that it will only make him do more things to his sister because she is having a party and he is not. flutterby
• Philippines
10 May 09
There's nothing with punishing the kid and let allowing him to have his birthday. but having a party with her sister enjoying it is something quite different. it's better off if there's no party at all. just another ordinary day. because if you resume the party with out him and just your sister would create even further inferiority complex in his mind. He might that your daughter is your favorite than him. just don't have a party, period..
• China
10 May 09
i don't think cancling his birthday party would work.my parents often say that praise is the best teacher.don't always focus on his bad behavior.i'm sure he also has some precious talents.maybe he acted bad,because he wanted to get your attention.i know it is difficult to fully understand a 11-year-old boy ,but please try your best.i know you love him.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
10 May 09
I do agree that some sort of discipline needs to be taken here. I don't think I'd go to such an extreme. Also, are you prepared to carry this punishment out? If you tell him you are going to do this and then you don't, he will realize that you are just threatning and he won't listen in the future. It's really hard to give advice here because each child is so different. How I'd handle things with my kids might not work in someone elses situation. I don't think I could ever not get my kids something for their birthday or not celebrate it in some way. It would not only make them feel bad, it'd make me feel bad. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.
10 May 09
I think you have already had some good advice but consider this. If an 11 year old boy finds is necessasry to steal from a 1 year old girl then he has a deep problems that need investigating and dealing with. Punishment will, I think, only increase those problems.
@moujha (86)
• Mauritius
10 May 09
No, i would never cancel their birthday party for watever reason but i can surely threaten them to cancel their party if they do bad things. But i believe a birthday party is very important for children. This gives a sense of affection to them and they will feel more happy when the know their parents love them a lot.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
10 May 09
Hi there! It seems your son knows he has adhd. Well if your son is making his condition an excuse then I think he's doing it in purpose. It's just right to punish him by not giving him a party. I know people with adhd lacks attention but they don't do bad things to be noticed. If your son is being bad often I think he's more of being a stubborn. 11 years old is not a kid anymore so he must know very well what is right from wrong. Maybe you should have him checked by a doctor. There could be some other factors why he behaves that way. I don't know much about ADHD but there could some stages or levels and your son's could be an extreme condition. Hope that helps. Ciao!
@berrys (864)
• Singapore
10 May 09
aw bless you. i have a niece that almost has the same condition as your son but she's the total opposite she's very quiet and timid but if she doesn't likes you she gets agitated or something like that. anyways, i think threatening to take a party or giving the illusion that you've taken away the party is a good idea but i would never take away my kid's birthday party. as bad as they are, its still their birthday and i don't want them to be sour on that day, i want them to have an amazing childhood and i will do lengths to make sure of it. but that doesn't mean they have the right to be rude or get up to mischief my kids know i respect them and they respect me. so they rarely get up to mischief. try talking to your kid. good luck. cheers mate.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
10 May 09
Yes I would and now that you said that is what you are going to do you need to follow through with it. If you give in and let him have the party or go to the sisters party he will not take you seriously in the future. However you are not giving him a party, not allowing him to to to his sisters party and he is not getting any gifts, are you sure this much punishment is necessary for his actions. You may want to stick with one punishment and not three. Say he does not get the party. What ever the punishment is it needs to be immediate, he will not understand on Friday why he di not get a party. oh wait he is eleven, so he should get that by now.. alright my pain meds are kicking in and I am making no sence at all
• India
10 May 09
ya many kids are like that only...when in our home two kids are there obviously we more care for the second one...and we thought that our first kid is grown now we have to care for the second one....but the problem is the first kid thought that they are neglecting them and only caring the second one ....but when ur punishing the kids their negative thoughts will grow this will leads to very bad decisions......so please don't punish them.....u and ur wife before the first kid say always like we are liking u so much than the second girl like that...u have to change that boy situation i think he is bad situation now don't neglect him if u say that i won't give party to u i will give party only to ur sister means on that day he won't hesitate to steal that baby also so don't say like that .........please consult any doctor for his problem ..first think what is his problem and try to solve as soon as possible bcz now he is 11 after becoming a guy he can hate his sister ...so don't neglect yar