Why men doesn't like children?

@caesarin (1089)
Indonesia
May 10, 2009 3:15am CST
I'm not saying that all men are all the same that they don't like children because I know some men who loves children, especially my father. I found many men think that children are trouble so they don't want to be near children or take care of them. I know dads who are busy with their jobs but when they returned home they don't seems to be enthusiasticly wants to play with their children. And for confirmation, their wives said that men are like that. They don't want to care for their children. It's like it's what a mother should care about. How about bonding time? I'm not saying men or dads like that are being irresponsible. But as a mother I wish to see my husband being able to bond with his daughters too. So that my daughters can feel loved by his father too.
2 people like this
3 responses
@penny64 (1106)
• Australia
10 May 09
I know exactly what you mean. My husband loves our daughter, but he doesn't spend a lot of time with her. He seems more interested in being with his mates or playing computer games than enjoying family time. He's never just taken her to a local park or gone for a walk with her. However, most of the men I know do spend time bonding with their kids. I guess it is just something in our husbands' personalities. I think the most important thing is that you spend time with your daughters and let them know that their father loves them even if he doesn't spend a lot of time with them. I must say that it is just starting to get a bit better now that my daughter is getting a little older, so don't give up hope!
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
13 May 09
My husband doesn't have a normal-to-good relationship with his father. I'm not saying that they are in a fight or something. His mother told me that when he was a little, his father was sick. So sick that the doctor advised her not to let any children to bother his father. So his mom tried to dismissed him from his father for about 2-4 years and the result is they don't talk much. They don't communicate well. It's very different from my experience. My father and brothers have a good communication. I remember how my father was always there for us. My worry is that my daughters developed that kind of relationship with their father. Because I can see how my husband's father in my husband (I mean like their character and habit). Besides, I always dream of a warm family where everyone can talk and chat easily. I ran out of excuses why their father prefers to stay in front of the TV or computer playing games. I myself hated my sight looking at my husband like that. -_-;
1 person likes this
@penny64 (1106)
• Australia
13 May 09
How frustrating for you! Your husband's relationship with his father may well have something to do with it. However, it sounds like our husbands are very similar, yet my husband has a good relationship with his dad. On the other hand, my relationship with my mother was not very good, yet my daughter and I have have a wonderful relationship. I'm telling you this because a bad parent/child relationship isn't necessarily passed on to the next generation. If it is something learned or genetic in your husband, then perhaps all you can do is find things that he might enjoy doing in common with your daughters. For example, my husband spends hours listening to music on his computer. Finally I suggested that our daughter sit and listen with him. Now he plays songs he thinks she will enjoy and they both laugh a lot. I'd also like a warm family where everyone gets on, but I think if you scratch the surface of most families, you'd find that is very rare. I think your children are very lucky that you are so aware of what is going on.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
13 May 09
Well, I hope and pray and really, really wish that it's not going to be genetic. I tried so hard to encourage him to be willing to be involved in togetherness with our daughters. I keep telling him that our daughters is our treasure. I don't want us parents to mislead them. Sometimes, I take my daughters to my father so that he can watch how my father do interacts with my daughters. I hope he's aware of what I'm saying. I've tried music kind of thing like your husband did but it doesn't work. My husband isn't in that step yet. -_-; I'm really, really thanking you for your support. Thanks a lot.
1 person likes this
@ebook_freak (1511)
• India
13 May 09
No dear. I am a man and I don't hate children. Children are God's gift. I love them. And I care for them. It's true that some men do not like children. But not all men are like that.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
13 May 09
I'm sorry. I don't mean to accuse all men are like that. I know there are people like you, man who loves children. My father is like that too, like you are. I wish my husband can be more expressive in loving my daughters. Show that he cares.
1 person likes this
• India
14 May 09
Oh it's sad that your husband doesn't take care of the children. He must be tensed or something. Or did you have a terrible row about anything recently? Anyway I will recommend you to ask him what troubles him. Some people may not like people asking such questions. But for the sake of your children, you should. Don't hesitate. A kid devoid of a father's love might not feel life as an interesting object.
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
12 May 09
It is not because they dislike children, it is their way of thinking when it comes to family issues. Many hold on to the belief that looking after children is the responsibility of the women. They have done their part, and that is to put bread on the table. This is the general mental attitude. There are some who feel that they are tired working the whole day, so they deserve a rest (as if women need no rest). There are men who feel it is not a man's thing, not masochistic, to play with chldren. Problems related to young children like nappy changing also make some men stay away from their own children. There may be other reasons but the above are the ones I have met. all the best in getting your husband to cooperate, rosdimy
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
13 May 09
I believe those are the common reasons. But like you said, I hate the idea that they(men) need a rest after a whole day work. Guess what, they don't know that being a mother is a really full time job. I should say that most mothers work for about 24 hour more in a day. If it's just the household, maybe like 24 hours. But if it's households and havig a job to earn money for the family too, then I should say that it'll be more than just 24hours. Being a working mother is challenging especially when the children are below 5 yrs. Thanks for responding.