Do you consider this a bad omen to our future?
By TRWilliams02
@TRWilliams02 (349)
United States
May 11, 2009 6:07pm CST
So here is the situation...
I am planning what is said to be one of the happiest days of my life, the day I marry my best friend. For starters, I have learned that you shouldn't take on the stress of planning your own wedding but with money being an object of concern I thought I could do it myself... So my future father in law has stepped in to help us out with the rest of the wedding planning and payments. Generous offer that I tried to turn down but was unsuccessful at. So between helping with planning and paying for items and services, he has now offered his son to use his old wedding band from his marriage. Shouldn't be such a big deal right?!? What a sweet thought to pass down the ring.
Well the marriage that the ring was used in was a rocky marriage that ended 10 years later in a divorce. I feel as if it would be almost like a bad omen to wear his ring. I asked him how he felt and he said the same, but didn't have the heart to tell his father. So he has now said that during the ceremony we could use his father's ring and then afterwards he could wear a different ring. I think that if his dad saw this then he might say something to that. What your thought of this? Do you think that this could be a bad omen on our start of a new life together? If so how would you go about not wearing the ring without hurting his feelings? That's the last thing that we want since he is helping us so much with everything else.
4 responses
@owlwings (43915)
• Cambridge, England
11 May 09
I am not really a particularly superstitious person (touch wood) but I think if it were me, I would have the wedding band 'personalised' by having your names engraved on the inside, or something like that. That way you will have changed it and whatever 'bad luck' might have been associated with it would be nullified.
@owlwings (43915)
• Cambridge, England
11 May 09
As others say, it is of course your commitment to each other that matters most and which will determine how successful your marriage is. The subconscious mind is very powerful and no more so than when we allow it to harbour irrational fears of possible disaster. Do whatever is necessary to bring those fears into consciousness (and 'personalising' the ring is just one way of doing that) and all will be well.
Have a brilliant wedding day and a long, happy marriage that will lay old ghosts to rest!
Don't forget you should have:
"Something old, something new,
Something borrowed, something blue."
@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
11 May 09
That is a WONDERFUL idea!!! 
I would have never thought to do something like that, and it would still mean something to his father for us using it, but it would also be something that would nullify the bad luck like you were saying. Well I am a very superstitious person so this was one thing that I never saw coming and then when it was here it was like oh... what do we do?
I would have never thought to do something like that, and it would still mean something to his father for us using it, but it would also be something that would nullify the bad luck like you were saying. Well I am a very superstitious person so this was one thing that I never saw coming and then when it was here it was like oh... what do we do?@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
11 May 09
Thank you! I working on the something borrowed and something old. New & blue are the easy ones!
@larish (2191)
• Philippines
11 May 09
I think the bad omen here is refusing your father in law's wish rather than wearing the old wedding band. If you hurt the feelings of your father in law chances are you are jeopardizing your future relationship. The success of your married life depends on you and your fiance and not on your wedding ring. You should marry for the right reason and you should really commit with one another. Its the love and the decision to commit can make this marriage works.
@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
11 May 09
See and that's one thing I am afraid of too. We don't want to hurt his feelings that is the last thing we want to do. It was more of that fear in the back of your mind that this ring now symbolizes a failed marriage and we don't want to bring in that unluckiness to ours.
@melkbremomof2 (116)
• United States
11 May 09
I understand your concern over wearing a ring that represented a rough marriage. But, what you have to remember, and think about, is how much you love this man that your marrying and how much he loves you. You two will make or break your marriage not a ring.
@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
11 May 09
You make a great point. We are going into this both in love with each other, that's why we are doing this but it scares me to think that this ring may be cursed. lol. I forgot to add that this is his dad's 2nd unsuccessful marriage... I guess thats why I also have a bit of a hesitation as well as my fiance.
@melkbremomof2 (116)
• United States
11 May 09
Well, I would hesitate too. If money isn't a real big issue, I would probably look for another ring. I'm sure his father will understand that you two want your own rings that represent your unity.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
11 May 09
Your concern is very valid but it is also a very sweet gesture and more than likely means more to your future husband thatn he is letting on. Your two are starting a new life together and it is not going to be the same marriage your fil and his ex had. it is a new marriage full of promise and excitement.
@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
11 May 09
It was a very sweet gesture. I am sure it does mean a lot to my fiance just because the ring was between his mother & father. I know that he's not too fond on the style of the ring, but he is willing to use it for the ceremony to appease his father. I had even suggested keeping the ring and wearing it on his right hand instead of his wedding band finger. That way he is still using his fathers ring but will have one to symbolize ours as well.
Thank you! I hope we have a very healthy future together and you are right, it's a new life together so I shouldn't worry that their relationship will be ours.
