Update: What Should I do About my Kids Father?
By drknlvly6781
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
United States
May 12, 2009 10:03am CST
I thank all of you for your very insightful responses about the situation with my kids' father. I tried my best to just do the right thing after he finally gave me the address. I was wary of taking my kids to his house, so it was settled that I would take the kids to his church on Sundays, so he could see them after service. And there is where the new trouble began.
This past Sunday, I was going to take the children to church, but I didn't have any bus fare for them (I have a bus card) This would mean that we would have to leave right after service on the church van. I didn't want to disappoint the kids, so I texted him to ask if he would have bus fare for them Saturday afternoon. I never got a response.
After waiting all day, I finally texted him again to say I wouldn't be bringing the kids that Sunday, because their feelings would be hurt if they just saw their father during service, then left afterwards. At 4am he finally texted me back saying that if I didn't bring the kids, there would be trouble.
Instead of falling into old habits and arguing with him, I waited until I thought that he was out of service and texted him did he want to set up a time to see the kids this week, or did he want to wait until next Sunday. I never got an answer to that question. Instead we argued back and forth for two hours, and it ended with him saying that he is going to sue me for custody.
I actually can't wait for court, is that wrong? I know for a fact he will not be able to get custody, and I hope he will finally see that we had these kids together, we have to have a meeting of the minds before he can be in their lives. He wants everything his way, for me to foot the bill for everything, and him not do anything at all. He even feels child support is unnecessary. He has gone as far to say that the person that I am seeing now should be taking care of the kids financially, instead of him. *eyerolls*
So, in order to make this a discussion, is it wrong that I am happy we are going into a custody battle? Should I have done anything different, or am I within my rights for the decisions I made?
2 people like this
5 responses
@BishounenNerd (373)
• United States
12 May 09
What did he say to start the argument?
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
12 May 09
*Sigh* What happened was I texted him to ask if he wanted to see the kids sometime this week, or if he would want to wait until next Sunday. He texted me back that I was supposed to bring them that Sunday. I said that I knew that, I wasn't able to, this week or next Sunday? What truly started the argument was when he texted me back "Its not my responsibility to provide you with bus fare for the kids, you should have it."
1 person likes this
@BishounenNerd (373)
• United States
12 May 09
That's totally insensitive of him. He should have just looked past the fact that you couldn't afford the bus fare and rescheduled the meeting. Then everything would have worked out just fine. But instead he went and sued you for custody? I honestly hope you win for your kids' sakes. You did the right thing, you were honest with him and you were willing to make things work out. It was his fault for holding that against you.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 May 09
To be honest with you it sounds like it needs a custody battle to make him see what a bad father he is being because the courts will take one look at the way he is acting and put him in his place!! Well I would if I was in charge of it. How ridiculous is he? I think you made the right decisions, you are putting your children first not youself and that is fantastic, you are a good mum and you are doing the right thing for definate. xxx
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
26 May 09
That is kinda the way I was thinking, but showing him he is wrong is like talking to a brick wall. He will never think that he is the one in the wrong. What I did want to show him is that one, he isn't running the show anymore, and two, he was only running the show before because I LET HIM. But I have another update that really tells the story....
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
14 May 09
I don't see anything wrong with your decision
it's not like you didn't show up without explanation
it might not seem like explanation to him, it seemed like a lie or whatever
but if you go to court you have the chance to tell your side of the story
people who are outside the circle of conflict (you, kids and their father are in this circle) usually can see more clearly than the ones inside because they don't experience emotional interference
so let them decide whether your story is reliable or not
I have no idea you will win or not, but if he takes you to court because he doesn't want to help with bus fare
well that doesn't sound like a strong case, does it?
there must be other things court will consider for someone to win custody anyway
so no, it's not wrong for you to be happy about going for custody battle
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
14 May 09
I can bet that won't be the reason for his case, but either way he doesn't have a strong case to begin with. He has been out of their lives for the past three years. When he contacted me about two months ago, he accused me of keeping the kids from him, when it was he who didn't let me have any contact information to get in touch with him about the kids.
Yes I am happy that we are going into this, because I hope and pray he will finally see how asinine he is acting, and make a change that will positively affect the kids.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
13 May 09
Hey drknlvly! Are you kidding me? He doesn't think that he
should be paying child support for HIS KIDS!!! Take his cheap
azz to court and let them decide! What a phucking azzhole!
How dare he say that! They are HIS kids! No one should be
supporting them except him, not even you! They are his
responsibilities! Has he been getting away with paying child
support all this time? You are an intelligent woman and I
can't believe that you would let this happen! Take his azz
to court and get the child support and any back support that
he hasn't paid! This is your childrens right! They deserve
this money! DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
14 May 09
No, he does pay child support...sporadically. Usually its just when he is working and I bug child support until they catch up with him and start taking the money out of his check.
He doesn't realize that back support will be an issue when we go to court as well. I have many people lined up waiting to testify to his character and the antics he has put us through, so I am not worried. It's his idea to go to court, but it will be I and my kids to come out the victors!
@jazel_juan (15745)
• Philippines
14 May 09
he is one insensitive person, i do not know much about your case but i hope you will be able to have custody of your kids:))
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
14 May 09
Putting the whole case out here would probably bias it in the eyes of the court, so I won't go into full detail. But you are right about the insensitive part. He doesn't care about anything but himself and how he feels. I'm hoping this will change that once he sees that he isn't right.
