afraid of getting pregnant...

@ckyera (17342)
Philippines
May 14, 2009 1:09am CST
oops! that's not me, in fact i always wanted to be but just not yet blessed, but anyway its my friend i'm talking about here... she's only 22 married at 20, she got pregnant the first year of their marriage but loose the baby..:-( I think she experience much pain & expenses during that time. Now after a year she always told me that she wanted to give her husband a child(coz the husband wanted to have...) but she's afraid, she's afraid to experience the same pain & she worries about the future... she worries on many things, about how she will look like after giving birth & the difficulties of being pregnant, how she will raise the baby and so on...wherein fact she should not worry about those things coz first she is really pretty & have the capability of raising a child...huh! I lost of words explaining to her about not worrying on those things but still she's undecided! i don't know what to say to her anymore, she already consulted a doctor & i think the doctor is helping her now...:-) is it really normal to have worries like that?have you or your wife experience that?
3 people like this
17 responses
@djoyce71 (2512)
• Philippines
14 May 09
Ten years ago, when I was younger, I was so much ready and excited to have a child. We were financially stable and I was not afraid and worried at all. But sad to say, after many years of trying, I still didn't have one. Well, God doesn't give it all. Now, at this age, I'm worried if I get pregnant. I have health problems and I don't know if I can still bear the difficulties in pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
14 May 09
hi...i think we're on the same situation sis, my husband & i are 5 years married and still don't have a child and that's 1 reason why its hard for me to give advice to her coz i myself never experience that...:-)
@dianmelydia (2271)
• Indonesia
14 May 09
You friend should arrange an appointment with her doctor for consultation. I think she's facing a mental pain due to her first experience. This is not a joke. This is a serious thing. Don't waste the time or it could harm her own marriage. She must tell all of her concerned to her husband. This is what a marriage purpose for. Her husband must understand his wife's condition. Later together they can find the best solution for their problem. I believe her husband is a kind man and love her so much so he definitely will understand his wife. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• India
14 May 09
Hi All, I can understand all the fear and pain she is going thru. I had the same experience with my first pregnancy. I lost the child at 6 weeks of my gestation. Afterwards, I got insecure about if I would give birth to healthy baby or If I am able to give birth to the child or not. I used to have nightmares about loosing the baby. Then, I forced my hubby to get me pregnant again after 2 months. He was more worried about my health though. I conceived after two months and lived on medicines throughout my pregnancy. And know what, I gave birth to very healthy baby. So, there is always a next time. However, medicines must be taken properly and obviously healthy diet is the solution to all the problems. Take care
@srganesh (6344)
• India
14 May 09
It is natural for the girls to get worried apart from excitement during their first pregnancy.In your friend's case,she had already had a miscarriage and that kills her.What she need at this time is moral support and encouragement plus some positive words.Friends like you and her relatives should be more kind to her and help her come out of her anticipations.if possible,she can get a counseling too.I hope,her doctor is doing the same thing.In addition,ask her to pray god to give her the strength to overcome her fears.May God bless her.Cheers!
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
14 May 09
hi thank you, i guess her doctor is doing it so...i guess he told her to take some professional advice to get rid of her worries...i don't know with her she worries even on a smallest thing... but we're encouraging her not to worry much... blessings!
@eiram25 (1077)
• Philippines
14 May 09
hi ckyera! i think it's only normal for your friend to have worries like that.well,thinking about the next pregnancy and the possibility of losing the baby for the second time would be sort of traumatizing for her.i think you just need to tell her that she will do fine as long as she keeps in mind whatever reminders that her doctor will tell her.and of course,she needs her husband's support as well. happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
• China
14 May 09
I do not have the experience although,I do have some of my friends encounting the problems.Well, i think it's the inevitable thing to every girl.And more important,your friend's husband want a baby,they must care the feeling of each other,right? I belive the doctor will tell her the right way to go out the shadow of the last failure and the things she must pay attetion to.So, the rest is make her belive that if she becomes a mother,no things can stop her to raise a child and give the child a happy life,because MOTHER will never tremble before any things that will do harm to the child!
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
14 May 09
well, i had always wanted to have a baby by now and keep on praying to God to give me one soon at His time... i am not blessed with one yet until now... but hopefully i will soon... a baby is a blessing from God and there is nothing to be scared about... you have to sacrifice a lot to become a mother... but the reward is much more rewarding and sweeter than the pain and all other sacrifices that we have to make... if your friend are not ready to go through all that yet, that means she is not ready to become a mother yet... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (27845)
• Philippines
14 May 09
Well after having a bad experience in her first pregnancy I can understand where her fears come from. Most of the concerns she has are valid but many are just physical concerns after birth. In a married life child is one of the most important ingredient to make the family complete. Let her realized that and put value in that. It is difficult to get pregnant if your mind is not into it physically she may reject to be pregnant again. Unfortunately you cannot erase the fear just like that. It has to come from her own effort to totally conquer the fear herself. Most of the worries will pass her by once the child is already there. It is normal to have those fears but do not let your fears rule your life and remain in that state because you cannot move on with her life with her husband expecting her to giver her a baby. If she is really afraid start consulting an OB Gyne to really erase all her fears about pregnancy.
• Philippines
15 May 09
I think it is her miscarriage that worry her of her situation.
• United States
15 May 09
Yes, I have no doubt that's her worry but I still think she should be very faithful. She should pray and take care and hope for the best and hopefully she will get the child she wants to have.
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
15 May 09
Yes, I have thought about these questions,too. Maybe many people will think these questions.But at last they will get a health child and be happy. Children deserve us to pay anything.
@machatago (385)
• Philippines
15 May 09
Hmmmm...maybe it is the pain and loss of the child that she really is worrying about, but hey we got worries too in the future but she shouldn't get too anxious, or else that would be bad for her. I guess it is normal, I'm not married yet though but I want to have a child :D I'm 23 and soon I would be getting married, there are a lot that worries me, but I try to not think of it, since we know that it is a blessing that we should be thankful and happy for.
• United States
14 May 09
I believe this is very natural. Child birth and raising a child are two enduring pains and since she lost her first child she should totally be feeling this. Comfort her and make her feel less down and that should solve a few problems.
@smileonstar (4012)
• United States
14 May 09
hi, I love to have children and I never want to afraid about out coming. Everyone will change but it is just depend on situation. She is not going to stay pretty forever... at least give those pretty to her children. Another thing, if she afraid that she might look bad after the pregnancy then she can excite, that keep her weight off and dont eat too much food. if she wants to stay what she is now then she should take care off herself. Many, women have kids and they look pretty good. Just like me, I have 2 and I still keep my weight off. The problem that I should worry about is how to take a good care of my children... it is very hard and very responsible. To make family more meanfull and more peacfull then husband and wife should know each other very well and then children are gifts after that... that's call family. If you need advice on how to keep your weight down and no belly after having baby? ask me and I will tell you everything.
• Canada
14 May 09
I think every one is afraid of small changes in the world around us but a child is not a small change. Your life is not yours any more after you have a child its the babys. everything you do every thing you say and even the emotions you feel are going to effect him/her. I would be absolutly terrified and im sure thats how most people feel but the first time you look at you new baby the fear and anxiety will vanish and leave you with nothing but joy..... in most cases.
@ibelle09 (156)
• China
14 May 09
Oh, your freind is so young. I think she doesn't need to worry about her figure after having a baby, for I have heard that women who are less than 30 have a good ability to rebuild their body figure after having a baby. For me , I am not afraid of being pregnant. In fact, I am afraid of raising a baby. :D I think I will get me into troubles when raising a baby. Raising a baby needs a lot of time and money.
@geniustiger (1696)
• Philippines
14 May 09
yes i am , in my own life experience pregnancy is a difficult for me for i dont understand whats my my behavior, i need something that does not available in the table. my temper is hot and sometimes uneasy to do work ion office . want to sleep all the time, eat and go outside and shopping. usually i felt cold even tho its early in the morning and the sun is so sunny. they told me its the baby's feeling too.
@caskins (689)
• United States
14 May 09
Hello ckyera, being a mother of six kids I must say that it is very normal for us to have those worries. I had the same worries for each pregnancy. Just maintain a positive attitude and stay healthy and everything will run its course. Happy myLotting!
@prinzcy (5034)
• Malaysia
14 May 09
I think your friend is suffering from depression after the first miscarriage. She's afraid the same thing will happen again and break her heart. It is normal to feel that. That's why she's going to need your support as a friend and if possible, you can tell his husband about this. He can be the biggest support of all. She need encouragement and support from others the most.