finding comfort outside the marriage
May 14, 2009 10:00am CST
mine is a luv marriage, but sometimes when we have small fights he takes it too seriously and they start mostly because of him..he doesn't like speaking about the problem..he keeps silence and it makes the situations worst..and i have no siblings and parents to at least call and tell my problem..i mean just to share my feelings so that it could ease of my pain..i tried tell my husband that i need to communicate my feelings but he just walks away from there whenever such conversation starts not only me..he does that with her mom too..and at times i speak to my friends..(male) and i feel very bad that..the man who loves me so much cannot give me the comfort when most needed..what shall i do ..!!!i feel so guilty at times
14 May 09
Hi there! I don't think you should be guilty. You haven't done anything wrong to your husband. Fights and misunderstandings is common in marriages but with communication this petty fights won't get out of hand. Since your husband is not talking to you whenever you open up such conversation why don't you put it in writing instead? Maybe you can write a love letter to your husband expressing all your feelings to let him know that you're not happy with how things are going. Especially with his attitude whenever you too are having arguments. Maybe you can slip into his suit case before going to the office. Whatever the problem between you and your husband, only by having a conversation it will be solved. I hope you too can talk it over. Good luck!
14 May 09
it not wrong to have a male friend. When im still married, all of my friends are male and when i have marital problem, i always share it with them. because they are married also so its easy to share with them and they can advice you without taking sides. With your situation, dont feel guilty if you share it with him. But if you do more than that, more than comforting each other thats another case.
14 May 09
oh he don't want to talk regarding that matter..just give in..if he don't want to talk about it then go on..maybe he needs time to analyze things for that matter..just be patient with him..and don't feel guilty if you found comforts with your male friends..instead be happy that they are there when you needed someone to talk to.. happy mylotting!
14 May 09
Well Gemini, if you are feeling guilty about it, then you should stop discussing your situation to your "male" friends. Probably you won't feel guilty discussing it with your female friends (if you have any). I am just wondering if you knew this before getting married to your husband as you said it was a love marriage. Do you knew he has this habit even before getting married to him? And if he doesn't answer you that time, try discussing your problems to him when he is in a good mood, even then if he won't listen then i wonder if he really loves you or not :s
15 May 09
You are right with your comfort. If your husband cant comfort you find someone that you can trust and lean on. Its better to say it out rather than to keep in our hearts. It can lead to heart failures and something. Go to your relatives or best friend who can be relied up and tell everything so that your pain will be ease. Its not wrong to express our heart aches to someone.
15 May 09
gemini13, Just the opposite, marriage is really the beginning to everything and that includes the very reasons why and how the both of you chose each other and decided to be married to each other. So, instead of looking for something new or new angles, the both of you need to renew and rejuvenate the times and decisions about the both of you. Learning from each other, how to love more or be more intimate over time. I feel that the both of you should learn to forgive each other and looking at each other with a clean slate every time when the both of you have differences and conflicts. There is never any use when one harbors grudges and outstanding issues rigidly in our hearts to the extent that the both of you are blinded of the good and love of the other party. I am sure you are aware just how quarrels and differences started and how no good or loving words ever come out when the two people remains antagonize. Yet, I am sure most of the time relationship only survives where both parties know how to forgive and resolve their differences and conflicts. I must remind you here that relationship including marriage is mutually exclusive and for the both of you to be able to work things out - it will need to take the efforts of both sides. I am sorry to say this but I feel that your man has certain issues being forthcoming when faced with problems. So, unless he can admit to it and revolve himself, I find that hard for the daunting tasks ahead. Do be patient, proactive and forthcoming for now. Take care and have a nice day.
• Trinidad And Tobago
14 May 09
According to one of the mylottors it's best you write him a letter and even explain to him how you feel, I think that you should tell him how much you want this marriage to work, and you must listen to him when he speak, and find a way to help if you don't have no ideas on how to help the situation, take time out so you can come up with ideas on how to solve the problem.
15 May 09
Hi gemini 13~ You have done no wrong,so do not feel guilty! Where does your guilt come from? A relationship needs communication.When that is missing,you know the root cause of all trifles! AS he tries to escape confronting you during such quarrels ,its really important that you tell him how important a talk to resolve matters is!!! He needs to change or you will drift away from each other before you know! I would suggest you take him to a counsellor and let a third person help you out. Since it is a love marriage ,where he should understand you more,but he is not; its is high time that you make a move or else the situation will only worsen. He needs to start talking instead of withdrawing into his own shell. I highly recommend you a marriage counsellor. All the best and cheer up@