Friends, Forever? Really?

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*note* this is taken from a book that I've been writing for years, and still have yet to finish! lol!** I don't think you can hear the word "friend" without it being followed by the word "forever". it's the nicest sentiment that ever tagged behind a word... Yet, the chances of it ever becoming a reality is almost as likely as finding the fountain of youth! I know what you are thinking! you are thinking I'm probably a cynical fool who has nothing better to do than think depressing thoughts... yet, hear me out! I have had some amazing friendships in my life! some that I would have bet the world on lasting forever or as close to forever as you can get... yet, I would have lost that bet. And the cause of it ceasing to exist anymore was not a fight, a death or even a natural conflict of interests. It was caused by something that we both had in common... LIFE! Yes, Life happened! I had one friend that never leaves my thoughts, she and I came so close to having this thing called "forever". But life happened on the journey to "foreverville"... that made the road before us fork, then branch off in opposite directions, and kept moving down the road called "I've been meaning to call you". This one particular friend and I shared an amazing friendship that was filled with everything you could hope to have in a friendship. We had a trust and bond that surpassed any friendship I'd ever known before or since in my life. we met in the 5th grade and maintained a close relationship that followed us into our 30's. We went through all the bumps and bruises of puppy loves, crushes, growing pains, marriage, pregnancies, and the baby blues ... We even had 2 of our kids only weeks apart! later we shared her miscarriage... and the cancer (and later) the death of her mother and the pain of losing some important people in my life... and the news of my oldest son's diagnosis of being diabetic.. and some of the most heartbreaking events that life served us... no subject was off limits. we were after all the best of friends! Looking back we survived so many things together and shared daily joys and struggles with each other.. and had memories to laugh about while sharing a bag of oreo's and a bottle of wine! then the enviable happened... Life! She had 4 children while I had three (she always had to go one step further than me! lol) As our families grew our time together grew more and more sparse. Of course living in the same small town (within 15 minutes apart) and our children attending the same school... we run into each other often and things have noticeable changed. We still laugh about the old times and reflect on the hard times that we've shared and promise to get together, but the time just isn't there! When she is free, my schedule is packed and when I'm free she is bogged down with her responsibilities. We both married.. and being a wife carries it's own bag of responsibilities.. along with being a mother of 3 very active children.. leaves little time to do much else. I have something that time will never take away... I have memories of a friendship that carried me through some really important events in my life. It was wonderful when I had another human being who I could trust with the most fragile subjects and never seemed to not have the best advice. I could count on her to always be there, no matter what.. and I actually got back more than I gave.. though she says that she thinks that she was the one who got more than she gave. She is no longer the painfully shy 5 th grader that would miss a day of school so she wouldn't have to walk across a stage to get an award for being smart.. and I'm not the little girl who felt I belonged nowhere to nobody. I wonder what we would have became had we not had each other to rely on during those days? I miss my friend so much and I have looked for her in other people, and never finding the one true friend that could take her place. I feel like an orphan... lost and deathly alone. Perhaps her purpose was to only be there through the beginning of my journey... but now what? I don't want to go through my remaining years without a best friend! I have friends, I've always had friends, but being without a best friend creates a loneliness that has no description or word. there isn't someone I can call in the middle of the night and tell them that I'm scared because my doctor appointment went terribly wrong... someone I don't have to be strong around.. I can fall apart and it's OK.. I want my best friend that will cry with me and let me cry and not expect me to "shake it off" and "be adult about it". I miss that! I have no one that I can confide in and trust that it will never go any further... someone I can tell about the fight that I had with my husband.. and how it was all HIS fault and have them agree.. I have no one to eat a bag of oreo's with and complain about how the kids are driving me crazy... there is no one that cares enough about ME to lose even 5 minutes of sleep to talk to me when I can't sleep because I can't get my mind to shut off long enough. There is no one to fill up the empty silence that is so loud that I can hear my own breath... there is no one to listen as I lay down my days thoughts and help me sort out what I should keep and what is just useless information. I have no one that gives me compliments about the most ordinary things that others over look. No one in my corner when life feels like a war and a battle of wits to survive. I miss having someone that thinks of me first when they hear the word "friend". God! I miss being first to someone who isn't related to me or married to me... someone who cares enough to know when something isn't right... even when I'm smiling. Someone who knows that when I have the giggles that I'm really hiding the fact that I'm hurting inside and feel like I'm dying. Someone that knows that when I'm being a clown for the world, I'm not doing it because I'm happy.. I'm doing it because I'm sad and feeling worthless... and it's my way of cheering myself up. While I feel sorry for myself for what I no longer have.. I know that I've been extremely blessed to have ever had a friendship like that. I have came so close to finding a replacement and just as I thought I'd found that best friend.. they just turn and walk away. Maybe we are only allowed one best friend and when it ends... that's it!... we are just lucky to have whatever we can get after that.. I don't know. Being in my early forties now, I know that (at best...) I have fewer years ahead of me than years behind me. my time is running out.. and I need a best friend. Forever isn't that far away now... but I don't want to walk the final path... alone. DO you have that ONE friend that you will never forget? [i](c)copyright 2006 Little_Stormy (source: ME) (written by: ME) [/i]