What do you think about this?
By angemac23
@angemac23 (2003)
Canada
May 15, 2009 9:31am CST
My boyfriend is always doing things for his buddies. Some of them are in a band, and he is always making posts on their site, helping them with T-Shirts, going to their shows and even building a blog for them, etc....Whenever they want something done, he doesn't think twice and just does it. I ask him for even a small favor and he says no. Also, I am a writer, photographer and traveler and he seems to take no interest in any of these things I do. Recently, I had an article published and when I asked him to read it, he said "I'll read it when I get around to it". That was 2 months ago and it still has not been looked at. I recently won two photography contests in which I won a new camera and a printer and he did not ask to see the winning entries, he didn't even look at my prizes and he didn't ask any questions about it. And finally, I went on a trip to Las Vegas recently and took a lot of pictures and I have been back for almost a month now and he has asked no questions about the trip and he has not even glanced at my pictures. Can you guess what he said when I asked him if he wanted to look at them? You got it. He said "when I get around to it"...but yet the other day, he was working on helping his buddies with T-shirt designs for their band and making posts about their upcoming shows. MY question is....am I making a big deal out of this? Is this just how guys are? Should he care about the things I do and act as quickly on me as he does with others? We live together and I think I should be one of his top priorities. Why would he be with me if he is not interested in the things I do? I always take an interest in the things he does but now I have stopped because it is too hard on me to take an interest in him when he I feel like I dont even exist!
2 people like this
11 responses
@North_Atlantic (126)
• United States
15 May 09
Speaking personally, I don't think that's normal guy behavior. You should definitely have a talk with your boyfriend and explain how you feel to him. It seems like you lead a fairly interesting life, and it seems strange that he wouldn't want to be involved in that. A lot of people can tend to prioritize their friends over anything and everything else. Maybe he had dreams when he was younger about being in a band or making music, and this is his way of living that out?
If it bothers you or makes you feel bad, then the best thing to do is to talk to him about it. If you let it go, your just going to end up resenting it more and more. Another option would be to also take an interest into his friend's band. Maybe you two could work on t-shirts or those types of projects together. It's difficult when two people in a relationship have different interests or look at things in a different way. For that reason, it's for the best that you take care of this now before it becomes a bigger problem. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
18 May 09
Talking to him is not really an option. Whenever I talk to him about something that is bothering him, he says I'm being a baby.
@chillpill90 (1936)
•
15 May 09
no your not he is being unfair and he has his priorities wrong i mean surely you mean more to him than his friends. Maybe im not being rude but maybe he is with you purely for how you look and want you to be on his arm and feels that you should be interested in his stuff but he dont really care about wat interests you. I think you should confront him about this and say look howcome you dont seem to be interested in what i like and if this isnt changing im off!
but i think you should leave him anyway as he is taking you for granted and with no respect.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
18 May 09
Confronting him is out of the question! I tired doing that in the past when he was being a jerk but he just yells and says for me to stop and that I am being a baby....I know, I know.....I really should get rid of this guy....
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 May 09
I'm sure that he cares about you but he sounds young and immature and so into his own interests that he just can't be bothered with yours. It sounds as if maybe you have outgrown each other?? Being a couple is more than just sharing a bed and household expenses. It is sharing experiences and making memories. It doesn't sound as if the two of you have that. Maybe it is time to move on?? You sound like a talented and interesting person as well as a caring and giving one. I don't know...just sounds as if you could do better for yourself. 
1 person likes this
@Yori88 (1465)
• Philippines
16 May 09
I feel sad with your story my friend. It seems that your boyfriend is no longer a boyfriend and just someone who does not exist. He has a problem and the best thing to do is to ask him if he still loves you. Be ready for the answer because we can never tell. You can't even predict what is on his mind but basing on your story and the way he acts, it's like the feeling for you has gone. He does not even care for you. He is acting weird. I never heard of someone before who acts like him. A boyfriend should be someone you can share your happiness and interest with and not someone who ignores you and gives all his time to other people. You should be the top priority, that is if he still has love for you. He always neglects you and sad to say he takes you for granted. If I were you talk to him and tell all what you feel. Besides he acts more than a stone, no emotion. I am sorry for all what I told you her. I just hate women experiencing those like what you have. I hate being taken for granted because I myself never do that. So just talk to him and tell all what you want. If he will change then good but if not then maybe you have to go your separate ways than living together acting like strangers.
1 person likes this
@jellymonty (2352)
•
15 May 09
sorry ang but I don't think he's into you at all. I think you're just a mere convenience to him and it certainly shows you are no where near top spot in his life. I dated a musician and he was exactly as the way you describe your man and am sorry to say that you are not a priority to him and that he really doesn't love you as he's supposed to. My advice is to just end it as there is no way he's giving up his life for you if he's not even interested in the little things about you. That is not normal at all.. Part of loving someone is taking interest in their lives and he has shown that he's not interested in your life. This is a one way street from my prespective and I say end it all before you waste all your love and energy to somebody that doesnt value it.
1 person likes this
@hustonphotography (569)
• United States
15 May 09
I would ask him about this. I love photography and I enter photocontests all the time. My husband is always looking at my picture and contests I enter. He brags to everyone and sends them links to my pictures. He is a big supporter. He was a big supporter before I got married. For Valentine's he bought me a Sony Alpha 700 DSLR. If there is something that is important to you that you really care about he should show intrests no matter what it is. This shows he cares I think. Treating you like he did makes you feel like he doesn't care about you or what is important to you. He needs to support you if he is serious about having a relationship and being with you. I know he will probably tell you photography is not his thing or something along those lines but it is not about it being his thing, it is about you being someone important to him and it being your thing. Anyway I hope everything goes well and good luck.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
16 May 09
I have to wonder... is your boyfriend a musician? If he isn't, did he have hopes of being one at any time in his life? It seems to me that he's WAY interested in this band. I think it's great that he wants to help them out (and I'm sure they can use interested, talented help) but your story just struck me as "frustrated musician living vicariously through the friends in a band", you know?
In any case, please excuse me but -- he's rude and may possibly be jealous. It seems apparent that the areas where you have talent are of no interest to him. Again, this makes me think he is creatively frustrated. If he has not achieved success in a creative outlet that really drives him, I'm sure he is not at all interested in seeing your creative success. It probably reminds him more and more of what he has NOT accomplished.
I could be wrong... but those were just a few things that struck me as I read your post. And, yes, he probably "should" be interested in the things you do (most people are when it's someone they love or care about) and, at the very least, he should pay you the courtesy of looking at your work when you ask. Perhaps you need to share your time with other people that have similar interests to yours... at least you will find them stimulating.
@stahir45 (103)
• Pakistan
16 May 09
Well, the qualities and attributes of your boyfriend that you mentioned in your note are that of the qualities of a good person. He is loving, caring, sociable, has a sense of sacrifice and all the more wants to help their friends in case of need. I suggest you to following the old saying, "Love me, love my dog". You may try to create life sense of respect for the friends of your boyfriends, try to help some of them the way your boyfriend does. Share the good feelings with all of you. At time you may also to make him realize how much you love him. I am sure gradually and surely you will be able to win over him and he will start loving you as well.
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
16 May 09
With your profession , anyone would be interested ! Who is paying the bills ?
If it is you , then maybe he's there for that reason, for the money.
You have a profession that anyone would find really interesting , and you probably have alot more to offer then he does . Maybe he isn't as into you as you are him. Either way , he should show interest , and I know there are alot of people out there that are very interested in what you do . In other words , maybe
you deserve more .
@charlenmendoza (922)
• Philippines
16 May 09
its unfair, him giving lots of time for his buddies but to you nothing. you have to talked to him and tell him what you feel. Maybe he has his own reason. So its better to talk things out. We can never guess what is running in his mind so for us to know what is his feelings towards you and towards you accomplishment, you have to ask him why.
@bang12gao (25)
• China
16 May 09
It's sound very bad.I mean is he your boyfriend?OR is he just a normal friend of you?
Maybe you should think over this relationshop,sorry say this words.
@Hedwig (283)
• China
16 May 09
I would also be quite bothered if I were you.
You two have totally different interests, you like to take photos and write articles, but your boyfriend seems to be much more fun-loving and outgoing.Nevertheless, no matter whether he is interested in your photos and articles, when you ask him to look at it, he should take some time with them since you are his girlfriend and he should care about your feelings.
i think you had better have a talk with him and tell him your feeling.If he cares about you, I am sure he will make some change for you
