What can you do when you're torn between your parents and your husband/wife?

I shall say that this is a very delicate situation. Talking generally though, parents should be respected in any way and we should not disrespect them. However, there are certain privacy issues especially when already married that we should not mix with parents issues. Personally to me, though I'm not yet married, I do think that problems with the spouse should not be shared with the parents. And there should never be a matter of who gets the love and attention more. It should always be total respect all around. Parents should respect their son or daughter's space after getting married and should make it a point to show their bit of respect for their son or daughter in laws. Same for children, they should still respect their parents and parents in law after they have gotten married. If there is such a thing as respect, there will be no problems after marriage. Minor problems, yes, but not those big issues at hand. In your case, I think that you should listen to your husband's point of view and to follow your heart. If you think doing something is an obligatory, do it for awhile, for the sake of your dad. And after a period, say now, is the time to tell your dad that you do not want to continue what you do and explain to him nicely. He should be able to appreciate whatever little or much that you have done and let you do your own things with your husband. I know you are like the 'middle' person here, and it seems like you have so many hearts to take care of. Ask yourself what you like doing, and if it happens that what your husband says is true, then it's what you are all along and you have to come clean with your dad. Since you are able to grapple the fact that you sort of not enjoy what you are doing, it means that you are being true to yourself in embracing that fact. Hope you are able to handle this. Do it slowly, you are on the right track by asking this question. It shows your love for your husband and your parents.

Hi pickoy! I can understand that the values and social conditions prevailing in country are widely different from others. It seems the social conditions in your country carry a lot of weight in respect of the parents. The parents also do expect a lot from their children. It is also more importantly so when we are living in a joint family system and we are eager to sacrifice a bit for our parents. Your father is imbibed with having a feeling of doing something for others and then let them have a feeling of gratitude. Your husband, thought may be rightly so, feels a little touchy about the income that you yourself earn. By the way does your father have a little source of income or does he also contribute towards day-to-day expeses of your family. If he contributes a bit then surely he has a little right to ask for a little relaxation from you.

"utang na loob" never gets paid. even if you have given a lot more in return, you will always be in debt to that person. that's one of the filipino traits that i don't like because sometimes, people take advantage of you just because they have helped you once. i guess my advice would be for you, not your husband, to talk to your father and tell him how you really feel. while your husband may have good intentions, your father might misinterpret it and cause friction between them.

It's time to stand on your own two feet. Take action! Don't you just have a communication problem here???? Go to dad. Tell him you love him very much but you can no longer work for nothing. You are overworded and stressed and having trouble making ends meet because you can't spend enough time on those who do pay. Tell him you love him but things must change. I bet dad loves you much more than cheap paintings. Stop dancing around the problem SOLVE IT!

Sometimes I feel that my husband's family takes advantage of him. He is a pretty good car mechanic, so they will constantly have him work on their vehicles for free. They have to travel hours just to get it to him, but they know they're saving a bundle through free labor. The worst part is that he has to throw expensive car parts in, too. The only time he hears from his siblings is for mechanic questions, or to get a part from him. He doesn't receive birthday cards ever, and neither do our kids. I am sick of their greed. It's so different from my side (not to be biased). My side is so generous for the most part, always remembers my husband's birthday, and always is offering to take us out to dinner. The couple times we went out to eat with his parents we were stuck with the bill. He knows that he is taken advantage of, but he doesn't ever want to stick up to them because he feels that he still owes them for letting him live with them during college. I don't like when they put him in a bad mood after hassling him, and then he ends up taking it out on me or one of the kids...

It sounds like you need to chat with your father and husband separately. Tell your husband you understand his concern and not to worry, you are going to take care of the matter yourself. It sounds like your father will be the hard one to talk to. If you're really so busy, tell him so! Give yourself a nice break from art, and tell your father it is because your schedule is so busy. Thank him for the business he has brought around, but when you take up art again, you would like to set the prices for your own work. I hope this helps you--good luck!

i believe we that the same problem. since i started working, my parents usually ask for a contribution, even if they dont ask they expect it. so im sad too since i have my own family, my parents still expect me to give almost everything to them and as if my own family does not have the right to enjoy the fruits of our labor. one time we went to Bicol for a vacation, it became an issue since they said instead of giving them the money for our travel, we enjoyed to our hearts desire.so what?? i already have a family and we are entitled to enjoy our lives. we have already given them what we think due to them and besides when they have their own families, they have enjoyed too. honestly sometimes parents can be unfair, but there is always a compromise. so i believe you will have to be the one to talk to your own father and tell him honestly that you will need most of the income from your paintings you will just give him a commission for every sale he does. and i believe that's fair enough, may be as low as 10% commission is enough but not 50%! and must NOT be for FREE!

i cann't image that it would be so boring for me if i meet same situation as you,i didn't endure the any contradiction between my parents and my husband who are the most lover in my life and maybe they are also love my so much ,so they never make such trouble to me, i am sorry i couldn't give you any useful comment,