Help! I need advise!

Philippines
May 23, 2009 5:06am CST
I have a girlfriend but we broke up two months already to this date. She was the one who broke with me but now she is trying to win my heart back. But Im Already courting another girl and i love her. I've known her for already 11 years and we are friends. I dont have any feelings now with my prevoius girlfriend but I really feel guilty of not giving attention to her pleadings of coming back to her and continously hurt her. What must I do? Have you ever experience this kind of relationship? please advise.
8 people like this
31 responses
• United States
24 May 09
Frist of All she broke up with you...So you do not have to feel guilty about anything. Secondly she had her chance and she didnt take it. You dont have to explain anything to her or give her and reasons of why you arent going back to her. Tell her no that your happy with what relationship you have right now and if she cant except that then so be it. But never feel guilty about it because you didnt do anything wrong.But Dont make the ex think you want her back otherwise that will cause problems and be your fault because she felt as if you was leading her own. Just let her know that you just want to be friends or whatever but nothing more and make it very clear so she understands it.
2 people like this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
24 May 09
Yes indeed. I agree with you ProudMommy. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 May 09
yeah i think thats the right thing to do!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 May 09
it is up upon your feelings, if you feel that it is best for you to return to your last relationship then it is good for you. it is up upon your conviction and how it works for you, choose what is best and what makes you happy. being in a new relationship will take allot of adjustments.make sure to choose the best thing to do.ok
2 people like this
• Philippines
25 May 09
I now ore convince to move on with my life!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 May 09
If your happy with the girl you are with now, stay happy with her. Don't give your ex a second chance.
2 people like this
• Philippines
25 May 09
thats the nicest advised that i have read! thanks!
1 person likes this
@angelsmummy (1700)
23 May 09
Dont give the ex any reason to think she has got a chance with you as it will cause heartbreak for you and your new partner. If the ex is trying to win you back ask her why, remind her that you broke up for a reason and it was her that chose to end it. Tell her that its her loss now she didnt want you at the time so you moved on and have found your soulmate, if she cant acceot that just tell her to delete anything to do with you ie phone numbers, e-mail etc. Make sure your girlfriend knows whats going on as if she doesnt you will hurt her by not being honest with her! Good luck I hope you got the answer you was looking for!! =D
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 May 09
Well thanks for that great advise. I guess i have to tell the ex the truth that im courting anothert girl.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 May 09
stay with the new one. I myself am kinda going thru the same thing, once I started seeing another man, my ex started showing up and calling me. I had a life with my ex and it didn't turn out so well. I was able to move on with out the one that I loved. I look back now and I am much happier with out him in my life. You had a life with her and now you have a life with out her. Which one made you happier? and if you take her back it might be in the back of your mind is she gonna break up with you again? it does happen. Stand up for your self. she left you, you moved on, move ahead in your life not backward!!!!!! good luck!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 09
thanks mssunloved!
@fec139 (812)
• United States
24 May 09
She is the one who dumped you and, if you ask me, she probably only wants you back because she sees that someone else wants you. It's all a game. When she gets you back, she'll dump you again. Oh well, her loss. If you don't feel it for her anymore, why put aside someone you care for -- for her? Tell her you have moved on, and so should she!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 May 09
She tought that Im still her toy... So she wants e back, but sorry for her, coz I dont want to.
1 person likes this
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
24 May 09
You already have the answer to what you need to do. All you need to do is say your 3rd and 4th sentence to your old girlfriend. You are not responsible if she gets hurt or not. Your feeling guilty is not necessary. You obviously cannot date both girls so which one are you willing to hurt? The answers are not always easy to follow through on, but they are there and the sooner you do it the sooner you can go on with the relationship that is working for you right now.
• Philippines
25 May 09
I just did lumenmom! thanks!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 May 09
I feel like you should stay with the girl you have now. The first one shouldn't hae broken up with you. You have to wounder why she done that to you. So, I would just let her know that you have moved on with you life and she need to do the same. You need to stay with this girl you have now. So, just tell her the truth, even if it hurt.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 May 09
i already did! thanks for your advise
1 person likes this
• China
24 May 09
you must know: do you like your previous girlfriend?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 May 09
nope! Im actually beginning to hate her. but that shouldnt be, after all we have been friends before.
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
24 May 09
what i would suggest is to refrain from getting in touch with your previous girlfriend. you have the full right to be happy. it is a good thing that you are not married to her and your free as to whatever you want to do. you are still in the safe zone. what matters is that you have moved on and you can help her move on by letting her know that you don't have anymore feelings for her.you would be doing her a very big favor.
• Philippines
25 May 09
is saying I hate you will end all of these?
1 person likes this
• China
24 May 09
In my opinion,in that case,i think if you accept your previous girlfriend,that would very very unfair to your current girlfriend.Since you have not any feelings with your previous girlfriend,and she broke up with you at the first place,then what is the reason you should accept her?If you are just feel guilty,than why does she not?If she does,then she wouldn't make it so hard to you. Just someone said,past is past.you have already had your ture love,then cherish it .As for your previous girlfriend,why not just be a normal friend.
• Philippines
25 May 09
She just deleted me fro her friend list, according to her text essage that she sent me.
1 person likes this
@harryt123 (327)
• United States
24 May 09
I would definitely be careful in this situation as to not drive your new girlfriend away. But as you have said that you have been good friends and you love her. Even if your ex wants you back you should not let it get int the way between something really great which is you and your new girl. As you no longer feel the same way about her, taking her back won't help things in my opinion. As you both might not be able to work things out and also you will lose the new girl. I would take a good amount of time and think of your options and be honest with yourself and choose who you are most happy and can see yourself with. I know that the truth will hurt for either one but in this situation that is the only way to get things resolved.
• Philippines
25 May 09
I just dealt with her and she was very angry, anyways thats life...
1 person likes this
@wendywhy (64)
• United States
23 May 09
It sounds like you have moved on from this former girlfriend and that is making her jealous. I don't recommend that you give into the pressure that she is trying to make you feel. If you like a new girl then give her your attention. If you find yourself missing the previous girl friend then I would advise you to not see either of them for a while so you can make a solid decision without either of them trying to influence you.
• Philippines
25 May 09
yes i have already move on with my life.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
24 May 09
She was the one that broke with you, so why do you feel sorry for her? Did she feel sorry for you when she broke up with you? Come on!!! Go on with your life and you new found love. You are doing the right thing.
• Philippines
25 May 09
thanks! margajoe
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
25 May 09
Your welcome. Wishing you all the best. Have a gray day.
• Philippines
27 May 09
thanks!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 09
If you really love your new lady and you don't love your ex, it is simple, Break the news gently to your ex. It is natural to feel for her but if you don't love her, then going back to her you will soon resent her.
• Philippines
25 May 09
yeah i think so! thanks!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 09
Take Care.
@justmeh (189)
• Philippines
23 May 09
This is kinda troublesome for you cause there's two ladies involved in the situation and you are in the middle of it. I think what you should do is to explain the matter to your previous girlfriend that you don't feel same way before the way you should be. What have happened in the past is already in the past and she should have just let go of it cause there will be no more chances for you to go back the way you were before anymore. The more you plead to her feelings the more you hurt her so you should just say it or else the situation could go even worse.
• Philippines
23 May 09
but i already told her bout my feelings towards her, and she already know that im courting another girl. How am I supposed to do that?
• United States
24 May 09
The question is when you told her your feelings for her what did you relay? Love? Friendship? Hate? If she keeps on trying to win you back you probably relayed you still have feelings for her. If you don't have feelings for her and told her this then you need to break off communication with her. A lot of times it becomes a game to people. They get tired of you so they move on then when they are lonely they come back to you then they get tired of you and move on and come back and on and on as long as you allow it to happen. How long has she been trying to win you back? Just since she found out you were courting someone and she wasn't involved with someone else? Why did she break up with you anyway?
@Theresaaiza (10528)
• Australia
23 May 09
From where I'm sitting I think it's pretty easy. But of course I am not in your situation thus making the saying true that "it's easier to see at hindsight". You deserve to move on, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to choose, and you have the right to refuse (your ex). If you will go back to her just because you feel pity for her, I don't think that's good grounds for you to go back into each others arms. However, I have a question, is this girl you're courting showing a big fat chance that she will give you her "yes?". If you are in doubt then that's probably the reason why you're in some sort of dilemma. YOu probably want to make sure that you wil end up with someone. However again, this is not the question of who's going to be 100% yours. It's about pursuing what you want and whom you love. If in case you lose both girls, then I guess they are both not for you. So just like what you did to your previous relationship ---move on. Everyone comes and goes for a reason. :-) Good luck!!!
• Philippines
23 May 09
thanks! But if you are going to asked me now i would realy want to pursue the new girl because i knew her already 11 years. but at the same point i dont want to hurt the previous girl.
@Theresaaiza (10528)
• Australia
25 May 09
All the more reason why you shouldn't plunge into your past relationship because that would only be like fooling her and fooling yourself. If you are not in love with a person, it will show, and chances are, she can tell. I could also say that it might now work again, which would only be a waste of both of your times. You can try to refuse her gently. IN the end, it's your happiness that should matter. Besides, you aren't doing anything wrong by falling in love with someone new.
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
23 May 09
Yes, I have encounter that scenario. My hubby and I have been friends for 11 years also before we became bf/gf then after 4 years, we got married. He was also caught in between to made a decision if he has to go back to his ex or should he pursue me. I really hope he didn't feel sorry of pursuing me and be married to me. But our relationship has been very light since we know each other very well we have a very strong foundation of trust and love with each other. It really helps that we have gone so much to go on with this relationship. If bad things happen, we will always think the long road we have already travel to sustain our love for each other It is really a decision you have to make.If you choose the one you are courting, try to ignore your ex. Believe me, she will get tired and will find her way to move on. But as long as you still give her your attention, she won't be able to move on and will continuously disturb you.
• Philippines
23 May 09
Wow! nice Advise, i really need that! thanks!
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
17 Jun 09
Hi. I am just wondering...how are you and your friend? I just felt that we have the same love story and I also hope that you also end up like us - happily married :)
@mizcash (686)
• Canada
25 May 09
You canot go back because you feel sorry for her. Rlain to her that relationships are not based on pity but of a sincer love for another person. Explain to her that your feelings have changed and you are seeing someone else but, you will always be her friend be there for her.
• Philippines
25 May 09
just told her that and i was just deleted from her friendlist...
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
24 May 09
the easiest way to put things in perspective here is to concentrate or put in importance the amount of respect and love you have for the girl you are courting. as to your former girlfriend, if she happens to be your daughter, wouldn't you advise her to let her former boyfriend know of her regrets of the breakup only once? i mean tell her not to plead? that's demeaning, right?
• Philippines
25 May 09
Right!
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
24 May 09
Since you've broken up with the first girl, you don't owe her anything and since you are happy with the new girl, the first is out of luck. I wouldn't let her get to you, no matter who broke up with who, it is over and you should stay with the second girl, who has done nothing that you should hurt her to try to figure out what to do about the first. You said yourself that you love the second, so you've made your mind up yourself, I would hope! Good luck with it, makingmoneysoeasy!
• Philippines
25 May 09
thanks idowrite72, im more confident now.
1 person likes this