She's Out Of School...And Doesn't Have A Babysitter!!!
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
May 25, 2009 8:58pm CST
My daughter's last day of school was Friday. My ex is responsible for finding a babysitter and paying for daycare. That is what was arranged in our Parenting Agreement and this was one thing that he wanted for himself. Now, it is Monday, starting tomorrow, she needs a babysitter, so I asked him earlier if he had found someone to keep her this summer. He said that his mother isn't working the next couple days so she is going to stay with her and then after that, he didn't know. He asked the girl who watched her last summer to keep her again and she couldn't do it. He didn't ask this girl until today though. It is so crazy, how can he just expect a babysitter to fall out of the sky? I asked him what he was going to do and he said that he may have to ask his ex-fiance (who he just broke up with a couple weeks ago) if she can keep her this summer as she won't be working due that she is the school's music teacher. But what if she says no, then what is he going to do? I don't want my daughter staying with just anyone and I feel that he is being TOTALLY irresponsible. Have you ever waited till the last minute to find a babysitter or are you like me and think this is something that you plan way ahead of the time of needing one?
8 people like this
25 responses
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
26 May 09
I always planned child care way in advance, though I didn't need it too often. My children were too precious to take chances with just anyone!
Sounds like your ex is irresponsible and doesn't have his priorities straight. If you want custody, this is a great leverage for you. If you don't-if you have your hands full as it is-best to work with him and try to help him find a responsible person!
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
29 May 09
I know how that is, money tight and none to fight the important battles! But you can document this incident. Get all the proof you can that he wasn't prepared because in the future you can probably use this to your advantage if you're able to challenge his custody. Write down dates and times when you talked with him, exactly what was said--not for the courts but for your own memory accuracy. Any sales receipts you might gather in your travels with your daughter or ex, etc., just gather as much paper, dates and times and names as possible. You may be glad one day that you did. I know documentation like this really helped me in my divorce/custody case. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
26 May 09
I would love to have custody of my daughter, but at the moment I don't have the funds to try and take him back to court to gain custody, so I'm stuck with trying to stick this out until things work out differently. Our custody battle is a long story.
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
26 May 09
My kids are all grown now but I can certainly tell you I am in total agreement with you - I was very very particular about who I left my kids (4) with. Family and close friends whenever possible just because it was so hard to find someone safe and reliable.
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
26 May 09
It is hard to find someone now day. I have a babysitter that I use for my son, but she is in a different town and my ex doesn't know her and won't let my daughter stay with her. It wouldn't be a big deal for him to go meet this lady and get to know her before letting our daughter stay with her, but he is persistent on having someone here in town keep her or letting his ex- keep her, which his ex lives in the same town as my son's babysitter...doesn't make much sense, but maybe he is hoping that he can wiggle his way back into this woman's life through our daughter. Whatever the reason or whatever happens, I guess I don't really have any control over it as it says in our Parenting Agreement that it is his choice.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
26 May 09
I would say you're right - he's trying to get back in with or keep contact with this women and using your daughter to do it. I don't think it's right at all that you don't have a say in who keeps your daughter.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
26 May 09
When my kids were little and I was a single parent I had not only one...but two babysitters. I had a back up in case something happened that the main one couldn't....I figure if I didn't have a babysitter I couldn't work which would be a disaster!
2 people like this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
26 May 09
That sounds like a bad situation. I guess he figured everything was just going to fall into place without much effort. Some people are like that. The only time I wait until the last minute is in an emergency. And that can't be helped. I hope everything works out.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
26 May 09
Hi singlemommy~ I think that is really terrible that your
ex has waited until the last minute like this to make the
proper arrangements for your daughter. She is already out
of school and his first wondering who is going to be her
babysitter now? He had plenty of time to think about it! It
wasn't as if it was coming as a surprise! That is really being
a completely irresponsible parent! I do hope that things work
out for your daughters sake because she will be the one to
suffer in the end! How could he be so lacks knowing that he
had plenty of time to make the arrangements?
2 people like this
@utiwow (13)
• Indonesia
26 May 09
I was in your position last week.
Luckily, the temporary babysitter from last season was still free.
But, I've ever been thinking to entrust my children to the orphanage (during the daylights) and I will pick them up again after office hours.
What do you think?
2 people like this
@crystalblue20 (21)
•
26 May 09
can the orphanage really babysit your kids for you!?
dude seriously that's crazy!
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
26 May 09
The only time I have ever been in that situation is when I have decided to change babysitters for one reason or another or when the sitter put me in that situation. I used home daycare centers for the most part when my kids were little. I like the small ratio of kids that were allowed per caregiver. However on one occasion I showed up at my regular time to drop the kids off and the lady wouldn't get up. So of course I ended up staying home from work that day. I also found a few centers that I didn't specifically care for. One was actually a daycare center and it was closed down shortly after my kids quit going there.
I totally agree that he is being irresponsible though. This is a child and the responsibilities that come with a child are great. I think it would be a little awkward to ask the ex fiance to keep her though he may trust her with the child. I'm sure she may have some resentment toward him and may not want to particularly be watching his child all summer.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
26 May 09
oh gosh no I haven\t waited until the last minute but sometimes it was the last minute before I could find anybody. It was very stressful on me.
2 people like this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
26 May 09
That is VERY irresponsible of him! It also sounds like he doesn't care who keeps his daughter! I certainly wouldn't want an ex anything to keep my daughter/son/even animal.. especially if the relationship ended badly. I was abused by a babysitter and I can tell you, those scars NEVER heal.
I think you should tell him that you are going to have to "UP" your alimony so you can afford to stay home with your daughter.. I bet he will find someone THEN!
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
26 May 09
Hi singlemommy,
A child's care is the upmost and should have been planned and sorted long ago, he would habve to stay home and look after her if this ex can't do it but what a cheek to ask his ex girlfriend, if I were her, i would flatley refue to dot it.
Tamara
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
26 May 09
I try to be a plan ahead type of person, and in this case I would have made a back up plan just in case, I don't let someone else take car of my kids without a back up plan. This is not to say that the way I handle my life is the best way, I make a lot of work for myself, but I cut down on the last minute panic which I hate. And of course I come off looking like regardless of the situation I am the one who is always cool and collected. People don't know how much effort this act takes.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
26 May 09
Your ex sounds so much like my sister's ex. Some of your complaints about him sound similar to hers! He sounds like a little boy in a man's body and it's a real shame you can't apply for custody yourself. He certainly has a gall asking his ex fiancé to take care of his daughter; I would doubt that she would agree to do it.
If it were me I would be inclined to take my daughter back and organise daycare myself, I just wouldn't trust him...
2 people like this
@bearodgers (10)
• United States
26 May 09
Wow I'm sorry your going through this. I myself have never gone through this because I'm a stay at home mom, but my sister in law deals with your situation on a constant. Her ex is very irresponsible with the babysitter finding. She just took it upon herself and started finding the babysitters then telling her ex how much it costs and how often he has to pay. What she does is she collects the money from him and hands it to the babysitter herself that way there's no confusion. There's other issues she deals with such as, him not coming to get the kids on his designated weekends because "something came up". It's ridiculous! I hope you get all this straightened out. Take care and Good Luck!!
2 people like this
@Jemina (5770)
•
11 Jun 09
I'm free and not working, you can hire me. LOL! Just kidding! Sorry about that. I do hope your daughter has got a babysitter now. But seriously, I am also childminding two sweet kids. I just wish you were near me and I can look after your daughter for the whole summer.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
10 Jun 09
This is something that should be done ahead of time. As you said, you can't leave your daughter with just anyone, at least a responsible parent wouldn't. I just recently moved, and luckily I have a break in school, still I should have looked into daycare before I moved to this new place. I thought that I would be able to put my kids in a center, but found in my area they have stopped school age children from going to centers because of the economy. So I had to print a home provider list (I get county assistance for daycare) When I look for home providers, I like for them to have been certified for at least three years, so I know they have a good track record. It took some doing, especially since I had to get a provider that would do transportation from my home to theirs, but I was lucky enough to find a provider that is close and very good with kids, and before the last minute when school would be starting.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
26 May 09
That would drive me insane if I had to deal with your ex. I know it's very hard to find someone at the last minute but hopefully he will. Is there a way to leave her at his house so that he has to find a place for her before he goes to work tomorrow? That might light a fire under him, if not then I don't know what else you can do I know of a website that finds sitters for you I don't think I can post it here so you can send me a private message and I will pass it along.
2 people like this
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
12 Jun 09
It was really hard to find a new one as babysitter of our kids. Even here in my place that is one of the most problem of all working mom's who doesn't have anybody to looked after their children left in their home. If I were you my friend try to find a trusted one who really has the time and care for kids. Because most of the people looked after the money they earn not the job they were attending especially if they are working as babysitter , caregiver or caretaker. We are entrusted to them those important to us so as my advice you personally try to find one with good character and trusted ever person.
Have a nice day friend!
1 person likes this
