Do you have problems making/keeping friends?

United States
May 25, 2009 11:34pm CST
3 years ago I got a divorce from my husband. Most of "our" friends were actually "his" friends, so I didn't try to "take" them from him, that's just not right. However, I still don't have any friends of my own, or actually I should say I have 1 friend locally and we rarely ever see each other. I don't think I'm unattractive, but I am a single mother (which I know drastically reduces my chances of finding friends unless they are also single mothers). I work full-time and go to college online, but my daughter does piano lessons and soccer, so I try to talk to the other parents and just basically get blown off/ignored. Is it just me, or is it actually harder to make friends nowadays than it used to be?
3 people like this
29 responses
@bloglog (628)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Friends are easier to make during school days. Most of the time were spent together. Meeting one another in school almost everyday, studying together or going out together after school. As adults, every individual have their own stuffs to be busy with. Hence, can't be sticking to friends all the while. This will reduce your time for friends and thus, drifting the distance of friendship further. I don't believe single mothers can only befriend with single mothers. Making friends is more on starting with common conversation, then building up with trust on each other. So, don't be disheartened. I believe you can get to know some friends soon.
@bloglog (628)
• Singapore
26 May 09
I think I can relate to what you are saying.
• United States
27 May 09
It's just finding the real friends that is a bit difficult. I'm joining a local gardening chapter and hopefully I'll meet people there that have the same or similar interests. That way we can all get together and do fun stuff, even if it's just pulling weeds in the community garden lot and having a grill out later.
• United States
26 May 09
The problem that I've had is that as a single mom, I have responsibilities that other people/parents don't have. I take my kid pretty much everywhere with me, I can't do things that other people do if the activities aren't kid-friendly, and things of that nature. When you tell people that no, you're not available to go to the midnight showing of Star Trek the night it comes out because your daughter's bedtime is 8:30pm, they tend not to call you back for other activities.
@queenlove (495)
• United States
26 May 09
The same thing happens to me and I dont get it. I will make a friend, but if I want the friendship to continue, I find myself doing all the work. If I want to see someone I have to visit or call. If I don't, I never hear from them. It sucks.
• United States
26 May 09
This has been exactly my experience. It only works if *I* do all the work. I have to call them, I have to email them, I have to make all the plans. Then if they can't do it that day that's planned, I'm the one that has to adjust my schedule to theirs. While this isn't a problem per se, it puts a LOT of the stress of the friendship on me. Friendship shouldn't be stressful, it should be a give and take relationship, a two-way street. I just haven't seemed to find anyone that agrees with that... LOL
• United States
27 May 09
Have you tried to bring this to your friend's attention? Maybe they don't realize that they are being this way to you. Let them know that you enjoy spending time with them and it hurts you that you have to do all of the work for the friendship. Maybe, if they value your friendship, they will make more of an effort to make the friendship work. Hopefully it works out for you.
• United States
26 May 09
Hi Faerielady, I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time making new friends. I know that being a single mom working full time and doing the collage online probably takes up a lot of your time and it's probably hard to get the time to do some of the things you would like to do. I can relate to you a bit also. I'm not a single mom but my husband is hardly ever around sometimes and I have a autistic child and people sometimes take a step back when you tell them you have a autistic child . Before I had my son I use to go out and do things all the time and all of my friends were either married with no kids or single with no kids,but as soon as I got pregnant my friends vanished and stop asking me to do things with them. ( they were not real friends at all) So I had to make new friends that had children.( I found them at this small park we take our son to , best place to meet fellow parents) I noticed that there are a lot of yahoo groups for parents looking to meet up with other parents in public parks or pizza places so their kids can meet other kids and have a play dates and the mom's are looking for friendship with other mom's. There is also a website called "Meet Up.Com" and you can find single parent groups in most cities sometimes at that site, or if you can't find a single parent group at MeetUp.com you can create one for your area . ...Good luck faerie, may you be blessed with many friends soon!
• United States
26 May 09
Oh and to answer your question, I don't find it hard to make friends, I actually find it hard to keep friends ( people change,lose touch,move away or die )I'm so happy that I do have a good friend I've known since 1996 and even though she lives 2 states away now we still are close and pick up where we left off each time we see each other. I have traveled to see her 3 times and she has been back to visit twice since she moved. If I ever win the mega big-o lotto $ I will move out of state and move to New Mexico where she lives. She's so fun!
@marepo (113)
• Italy
26 May 09
I think that you are absolutely a normal singol mother,I as you have separated thre years ago almost from my companion and I have 3 children ,obviously a lot of economic necessities for them,difficulty to handle three children in a normal family,shown up an alone mother.But I have 2 friends ,a dear friend is transferred very distant so we can do same time by phone ...but I can say to be fortunate because is returned in my old house and I have discovered to have a great friend that is my neighbor. Truth is that it is already difficult to make friends in the normal lived but in the lives of the singol parents it becomes almost impossible.
@marepo (113)
• Italy
26 May 09
A precise statement : of impossible nothing doesn't exist,it is only more difficulty :)
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
26 May 09
Hi,you can understand you. I have not got many friends,either. I don't know wether it is my problem to make friends. I try to talk to others. It seems like they have their own life and have no time to share with me. And sometimes some friends invite me to go out but I have no money.So I say "NO" to them.That make them unhappy and regard me as a dull girl. And I feel people always want to close to rich friends. I mean if you are rich ,others will be friendly to you while you have no money ,you will be ignored. Do you think so?
• China
26 May 09
en..ha, I'm side with you!
@wendywhy (64)
• United States
26 May 09
When I was in school it was easy to make friends, maybe because we were all stuck together each day. I moved to Arkansas soon afterward and I haven't made a good friend since. It seems like everyone is too caught up in their own daily life to be available for friendship. I forced it a few times but as soon as I stopped calling and coming by the friendship disappeared. I thought it was just living here, maybe its a problem all around. People are just too busy. I do make friends online. Its funny because sometimes they are easier to talk to but you never see them...
• United States
27 May 09
Almost all my friends are online. I have one local friend and our schedules are so different that it's difficult to get together and actually do anything. We both work days, but she's across town and in school herself, and her son is special needs so he attends counseling twice a week... add to that my schedule and while we love to talk to each other, we just can't see each other often.
@sid556 (30973)
• United States
27 May 09
I really don't know. I've been a single mom for years. My ex and I had friends in common when we met so I didn't really have that problem. In fact a few of "our" friends made a point of stopping by to make sure we maintained our friendship despite the divorce & we have and also without compromising his friendship with these same people. I don't know if it is harder to make friends now a days or not really. I still meet new people all the time. I really don't know. Could it be that you are trying too hard and being misunderstood? or maybe you are just dealing with the wrong people. It probably isn't you but that you are just meeting the wrong people.
@clorissa123 (4927)
• United States
27 May 09
Oh no, you can make friends anywhere. Even from your work, or from school. Maybe some of your neighbors can you be your friend too. You just need to open up yourself to other people. Some people are actually really nice. Why not ask them to be your friend too.
• China
27 May 09
Well,making friend is not simple and easy,you must invest your time and energy to open the converstaion and plan the ativity,allow your friend enjoy the company with others even without you.A friend in need is a friend indeed,so you must treat your friend honestly and warmly.
@wolfaaron (179)
• United States
27 May 09
Sometimes I have problems making friends, because I don't really enjoy making new friends. But once I make a friend, I keep them forever.
@Maryam27 (411)
• Pakistan
27 May 09
Oh..I am sorry to hear that but I don;t understand why they blow you off? What is that they say or ignore you completely for? Well my advice for you would be keep trying and meeting new people, not everyone is the same. But if things don't work out then we are always here as your friends :) For me...yes MAKING new friends is/was a little tough but once I am friends with them there is no looking back. :)
@kanecn (149)
• China
27 May 09
The same thing happens to me. I have some friends when i worked in a factory, at that time we used to go outside together and i don't think there's any problem to keep friends. i often went outside because of work and met different people, it was easy to make friends. But since i quited my job and be a SOHO(work at home), i hardly get together with my friends and lost touch with most of them. and now, only a couple of friends keep in touch with me, of course they are my soul mate. In my opinion, there are some different type of friends in our lift. business firend: just because you can benefit mutually. some of them are just for entainment, play cards, go to the bar or something else. it's easy to make friends like these if you get along well with them, but it's hard to keep once you don't have time to get together with them. The most important friend in our lift is soul mate which is hard to make but it's easy to keep. what you guys do you think about friend?
@stafei (98)
• China
27 May 09
hi friend,Yes i have same problem before.I want to know my friend,but friend have his friend,maybe he like his friend is not me,How to handle it?How to join them or make my friend like together with me instead of his friend?In the university,friend have to together with me,because we life together,but after it....weekend....are you lonely?That is a good question.Very hard to handle it.
• India
27 May 09
hi i agree with you to some extend making friends after longtimes is difficult but it is not impossible but you are in the right place in MYLOT where you can make lots of friends i really appreciate that you are taking effort to make friends keep smiling always bye
@rymebristol (1809)
• Philippines
26 May 09
no i don't have any problem making friends new or old. i find every people approachable. but i hate to admit that there are lots of people whom i find it hard to approach, make friends with or even a short talk. i guess the saying was right after all, you can't please everybody. nowadays, peoples disposition in life, personality and status in life had been the major factor that is accepting us to be friends with other person whom which happens to be in a higher level or disposition like us. that is the sad part.
@Citychic (4068)
• United States
26 May 09
Do you have problems with making and keeping friends? Hell faerielady, I see your point and i want to tell you that I don't believe that it's just all in your head. Some folks say that people are just to busy to make friends but I tend to think that most people are just too busy doing their own thing. As you mentioned that you are a single mother, just going by that alone, it tell me that you are a very busy person yourself. I remember when I was in that position I would make friends with other mom's whenever I would take my children out to the parks. But it was always a short lived friendship. You got to realize that once you have children it changes everything in your life. Now you must make time for yourself. You must make an effort to do something which doesn't include your children. You might want to try going to churches, that way you can meet some other people and get the word of God in you all at the same time. The bible tell us that if we want to have friends we should show ourselves friendly. Just keep on being the good person that you are inside and friends will start to show up one by one. It might take some time and with each move it seems that you might have to start all over again. But don't let friendship be your goal. Just try to enjoy life and friendships will come as you begin to get more involved with life and with doing things, not only for your children but for yourself. God bless you!
• Philippines
26 May 09
Making friends doesnt include how you look like. Its not about your physical appearance. Its all about you, how good you are inside. You just have to show them how sincere and honest you are. Now with your situation, if they dont want to make friends with you, thats ok. someday, somehow you will have your own set of friends, and a true friends. Not because of what you have or what you look like but because you ar a good person. And i know you are....
@technoobs (406)
• Philippines
26 May 09
Keeping friends is much of socializing and having a company you trust on. Looking for those kinds of friends aren't so easy but on socializing, you can have them as many as you know. Keeping them is not a problem since you have known them a lot better and have trust to each other. There's no other way of having to loose them if there's something bad went on but to keep on forgiving people to have more friends.
@fozziefm (85)
• United States
26 May 09
Yeah I know what you mean. I meet my husband in 2000 and I moved in with him that christmas wheich was 45 mins from where I normally lived so all people that my freinds are now not close enough to vist. I feel like a stranger out in this town but I lived here 12 yearsand still have made any real true freinds , but then again It is hard for me to make freinds because i am not a very social person either,
• United States
26 May 09
Making friends is not a problem for me but finding "REAL" friends is kind of impossible. As a 38 year old woman, it is very hard to find girlfriends. There's always a jealousy issues which I think it is just inmature and a waste of time. That's why my real friends are my sister, ex-boyfriends and guys- mostly gays! Those are the best friends a girl can ever have. Best advises, best of both worlds!!