Is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all?

United States
May 27, 2009 2:32am CST
I was recently talking to a friend and we stumbled across the classic dilemma of whether or not it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I passionately argued that it is always better to experience love even if there is a possibility of losing it. If someone is afraid to take risk in life they will never get anywhere. Allowing yourself to love someone and be loved is a big risk that reaps huge benefits. Most people can vividly describe how love makes them feel whether it's love for a family member or a partner. Everybody needs to experience love in some form or shape. While it is true that love can make someone do crazy things, it does not mean that a person should go through life without love. It is also true that love ones die and that's something everyone must realize and accept. I pity anyone who does not have a lot of love in their lives. It's the most powerful thing someone can both give and receive. Without love their is no life. What do you guys think? Based on your own experiences do you feel it is better to have loved and lost? or to never have loved at all?
2 people like this
17 responses
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
28 May 09
I have loved one guy and lost.And I hope I have never loved someone. I was heartbroken and it was too hard for me to forget him. So I think it is better to never have loved at all.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14036)
• Canada
28 May 09
he doesn't deserve you someone else does I hope you will find the person that deserves you someday
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
28 May 09
Thank you so much.
@srsade (26)
27 May 09
I completely dont understand what do u mean by 'loved and lost'.If u love somone truely,no matter whether other person is reciprocating ur love or not,u will love them.when the other person reciprocate,then only u will enter into the relationship only there comes the losing and winning..
• United States
27 May 09
I'm sorry for not making myself clear the first time. When I say "loved and lost" I mean to lose the person you loved. In other words the idea behind the question is would you rather love someone and lose them? or would you prefer to have never loved the person in the first place? The main idea is how much do you fear losing something/someone you love? is it worth the risk to become emotionally attached to someone knowing that you can lose him or her? If it helps pretend you are in a situation where if if you take the red pill you will meet someone whom you will fall in love with but will only be with the person for a limited amount of time. If you take the blue pill you won't meet this person and therefore will not fall in love. Which pill would you take? I apologize in advance for the cheesy matrix biting scenario but I hope it cleared things up and got my point of the discussion across. -John
@srsade (26)
28 May 09
Thanks for clarifying me..If u r taking love seriously,it gives wonderful experience for both in life.They will undergo all possible emotions in life.They will face the world with more experience..Even the biggest difficulties can be handled very easily bcoz everything will be tough only for the first time..after tht we will get used to it...But there are exceptions though..
@srsade (26)
28 May 09
It is better to lose the loved one than never loved at all..Everybody have to face the love in any form and nobody can be out of it..
@med889 (5954)
27 May 09
First: We are human beings after all and we all want to be loved so if someone is loving someone else both people will be happy with each other. If there love are lost then they will suffer sometimes one of them cannot take it lightly an dhe/she might do something bad so this is one of the disadvantage of being loved an dthe love is lost. Now the advantage is that we bacome more experiencd in life, we can be more mature if we encounter such situation in life and hence we will be more vigilant when we can see the same situation being cropped up. Secondly: If we never love someone in our life, we will be missing something definitely in life. As we are here to love everyone with unconditional love. If we never love someone dearly then we will never be understanding the sacredness of love, the beauty of love, the honesty in love and hence we will be lacking behind in this context. However if we never love, we will never suffer if the love is lost so this is the advantage. But I believe that It is better to be love or to love an dthen the love is lost whereas to never love someone in your life, atleast you can understand what love is and from that you can allow yourself to decide if you want love again or never, atleast one will be able to understand love.
• United States
27 May 09
I 100% agree with that. By allowing ourselves to experience love even if we lose it makes us more resilient and accepting to the fact that the people we love may come in and out of our lives. I think everyone should try to define and understand love on their own terms. People who run away from love only do their self and injustice because they are missing out on such a valuable tool in life. Love can bring you a long way and teach you a lot of life lessons. I hope that everyone receives more love in their lives. -John
@med889 (5954)
27 May 09
Hello John, first of all thank you for the best response. I also believe that before anyone can judge something on LOve they should be able to feel it, stand by it, cherish it adnd understand it. Some one who has loved and lost the love can better talk about love rather than the one who has never love and judging love to be insane. Love is a sincere and honest feelings coming deep inside the heart which is meant for a special person so love itself is a beauty in itself which I cherish. Thank you.
@angelajoy (1838)
• Philippines
28 May 09
I feel only truly alive when I love someone. I've proven this to myself so many times. But this doesn't mean that I must constantly depend on others to become happy. Love does not mean loving only other people. It also means loving yourself. When you love yourself, you'll find that more people will also find it easier to love you.
• United States
28 May 09
What you say is very true. It's imperative that people first learn to love themselves before they can love someone else or be loved. If you have hatred for yourself there is no way you can find the ability to truly love someone else. I think there are many opportunities to find love if people just open up their heart and let love in. Loving and being loved is the closest way someone can get to God. -John
@lelin1123 (15635)
• Puerto Rico
27 May 09
I think it is better to have loved then not at all. What's life without love? If at least you experienced it once in your life that is good. I think alot people don't get to really love at least once in their life and that is a real shame.
• United States
27 May 09
I completely agree. I think too many people go through without experiencing real love. Yes you can tell someone you love them. Not until you can show someone the love you have for them does the love become real. In this case, actions definitely speak louder than words. -John
• India
30 May 09
in my opinion you are saying correct that just thinking of losing in life cannot make you to take risk and really that is wrong feeling or attitude of yours toward life. we should experience once everything in our life without thinking about the result as i think so and if it is the case of love which is like a wonderful think that everyone should at least have once than you should not think about the result. basically it is not the case that in one attempt you get the true love so never think that if i trust this person and if i fall in love with this person than i may lost it or this person may ditch me so just take risk of love and than think of lossing instead of just sitting at the edge of sea and thinking of precious stone to be in your hand
@LittleMel (14036)
• Canada
28 May 09
I wish I don't have the experience of being betrayed by friends or loved ones but life has to go on, doesn't it. I kept going and searched for love. I found him and now we are married for 8 yrs going strong. If only I gave up, I wouldn't have found him. I wouldn't say it's better to have loved and lost it, but life without love I think not everybody can take it. Even if we don't have anyone to love, we do love ourselves. So life without love, doesn't sound like living at all. At least for me.
@msBetty (84)
• Philippines
28 May 09
Yup! everybody has to experience love... it goes with it, sadness, pain, and yes, even temporary madness. And you'll nevery understand your own existence withuot having love in ur life.
@apples99 (6562)
• United States
28 May 09
Love - It must be nice to be in love.
Well that might be true, especially if your someone who has never fallen in love before at least not yet, anyway but thankfully I do have a loving family whom I care for deeply, but I have not had the experience of being in love with someone the kind of love you get from a relationship, or a significant other, but hopfully it will happen someday.
@smileonstar (4012)
• United States
27 May 09
Hi, I believe everyone needs to get a taste of love and lost. Nothing will stable forever and everything you have will loose or go away from you someday. Love is a prize and lost is also a prize too... they both walk in the same road. Once you miss it, then you will loose it... and I, myself experience so much about it. I always give love to everyone that I know... but no matter how I take care of it or how it was good, it will go away really soon. dont know why
@flyinghi (130)
• Canada
27 May 09
I believe that it is a good thing to have the experience even if things do not go well. We learn from our mistakes, that is what life is all about. It really does seem to make things better if you know that you have someone in your life who really cares about you and supports you. That is what loving someone is all about, caring, sharing, and being supportive. www.wantingtowork.today.com
@bhabytart (1116)
• Philippines
27 May 09
hello there dlsasmartypant..... i think i would agree with you! loving is a happy and sad experience...... some leads to a happy family and some are not.... but this does not mean that we should stop loving..... we shouldnt generalize the things that is happening to others....may happen to us.... life is life!!!!!! we are not robots! we have free will! free to choose whom you want to love..... but we should also remember the responsibility that comes together in loving a person.... we must learn to accept the things that will be happening.... may it be good or bad..... loving it a nice experience!!!!!! dont be afraid to show your love to others.... smile life is beautiful.....
@justmeh (189)
• Philippines
27 May 09
Yeah it's better to have that one than never experienced loving someone at all. Though you will lose the one you loved at least you know how it feels to be inlove and you'll never have regrets losing it. It would be a pity to those persons who haven't been encountered this before.
@youngloc (37)
• United States
27 May 09
I think it is better to have true love. I mean real unconditional love not the love for what a person has (money,fame, fortune, ritches etc...) just eacho other. I know love doesnt supposed to hurt and true love wont.Open your heart if its real give it achance and go with it. But once you experienced what you thought what true love was then lost it thinking i was played a fool. Where do you go from there. How will you ever truley happily love again?
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
27 May 09
you're perfectly right that it is better to have loved and lost than never had loved at all provided of course that the other one of the pair isn't married . like how it was said courage to fall in love isn't the absence of fear of getting one's heart broken but the acknowledgement that something else is greater to experience than the pain of falling out of love .
@daliaj (5681)
• India
27 May 09
It is a very difficult situation to be loved and lost. I have seen closely how people will feel and react when the lose the love. It is a pathetic situation. So, I think it is better to be loved at all rather than to be loved and lost.
@rsa101 (24136)
• Philippines
27 May 09
Very true and your argument says it all. I am happy that I am at the same wave length as I am one of those that believe in that kind of thinking. Risk is part of life and if we don't take it we are not really getting what we want in life. Another thing is fear, if we are not to conquer it it our life would never move on. Love is just taking risk and also conquering fear. These two go hand in hand and if you can conquer both then you are on your way to achieving what you want in life.