Starter Marriages, is it too easy to get divorced today.

starter marriage, 80;s weeding - yes this was the 80's and yes that is me
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
May 27, 2009 6:00pm CST
So many people believe in and have what they call starter marriages, they get married at a young age, stay married two to five years and divorce. They think nothing of it and like it is no big deal. They are then single for five or so years and re marry for life. Do you think that people jump into marriage to soon just to have the party and do not put enough thought into the fact that marriage is not something you just do because all your friends are or because you want the party. I was married before, for nine years, my ex was verbally abusive, and I will be the first to say that we were way to freaking young to get married, that I wish I would have listened to everyone else but I was hard headed. We, however, did not have the large wedding, with the big party. It was a simple church wedding with reception at the church. Do you think that couples should have to go through a detailed counseling period, something to make sure they are ready for marriage.
5 responses
@deborahwd (105)
• United States
27 May 09
I must say, I have been married twice the first time yes, I was 18 and really didn't know what I was getting into, but he was very volint, I mean this man, would beat you just to look at you, It was so bad that It scared me to the point it took me almost 25 years later to 25 years later before I would get married to my husband # 2 and I guess I just didn't wait long enough for he is very verbally abusive and It really hurts, I do think that when we are young we make mistakes and we must learn from them, well, some people are really good at fooling others, like take my husband, I do love him with all my heart but this may 14 was our 9 year wedding annver and he is a truck driver out of the blues called me on that day to say he will not be home for he don't want to be married any more, and you want to talk not ready for that, I did not see that coming, I mean I always bite down and deal with all the bull but for him to just out of the blue hurts, so, I really can't say, but for some reason, it is easier to get married then it is to get a divorced. And alot more money to. So, I guess it is time for me to learn how to be a single mom again. that sucks, but I guess it's better then the kids getting hurt later.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
27 May 09
I am still shocked at times that I got divorced from my first husband. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. You are not doing yourself or your children any favors by staying with a man whom treats you that way. Good luck in all that you do
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
28 May 09
Good for you, It is amazing when you do find yourself again. I remember when I did that. I was driving home from work, (after I had moved to Chicago) it was really bad weather, snowing, I looked up to look in my rear view mirror and I saw the expression on my face, here I was in bumper to bumper traffic, snow everywhere, radio jamming and I had the biggest smile on my face. It seemed like for the first time in a long time I saw myself that day. In fact I got home and wrote about it. I wish I still had what I wrote that night.. hmm maybe I should look for it. it was something like I saw myself today, For the first time in a long time I was able to see me, I looked up and saw myself in the mirror and For the frist time in a long time I had a smile on my face. I saw myself today and I liked what I saw I had a sparkle in my eye and A smile on my face I saw myself today I was not crying I was not hurt for the first time in a long time I saw myself.
• United States
27 May 09
no, he left so we are no longer together, That is why I had said before that it is time for me and my kids, and for me to learn to love me angain, I am a great person, I just have to find me again, It is deep inside of me but I no I'm there some wheres, And guess what, the day I find myself is the day I will smile and be myself, You may think I'm strange but do you understand when I say I miss me.
• United States
27 May 09
The idea of starter marriages is why I do not understand why people are fighting for the "right" to get married. What is the point in even getting married if the plan is for it to not last. Your case was different, you most likely ment for it to be forever but realized that abuse is not worth it. Having been to many weddings and through my parent's divorces (yes plural) there is no way I was interested in the party or the gifts, I got married for all the right reasons, and am still married 8 years latter, hopefully 60 years latter. But it is true, people do not think about the fact that it is going to get hard and they might actually have to work at having a good marriage.
• United States
27 May 09
Actually the 7th year was easy, this year has been hard because neither of us have a good job. But at the same time we have been able to spend more time together. Marriage is a full time job, I have seen to many fail to just let mine go, thankfully my husband is also willing to work at it.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
27 May 09
I hope that you are still married 60 years from now. You have past a big hurdle and that is year seven. Good for you.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
27 May 09
HI, I also married at younger age too. I deeply love my husband so much and even now, I love him and my children all my heart and my soul. I got married at age 20 and have my first child right after married. I used to think about divorce once before when my husband didn't really care about us and totally verbally abusive too... he never lay his hand on me but his words just like a knife stabbed me through the heart. I told him so many times to stop, and he didn't until another man stepped in. He is a sweet and funny guy but whenever he gets mad, he never care whoever... . One day, a guy that used to like me came over and stepped in my family problem just like he was really care and wanted to take over me as soon as my husband step down. Then I can see my husband fought for me so bad and cut down a lot of words to me and tried to be so nice after all. The man that helped me was a good friend of mine, he used to tell me that he used to love me but now everything is too late for him. So he loves me as his best friend. Now, my husband changed a lot after that day and he seem to care more, but not enough as what I need yet but at least he tries. I see many people get married and then divorce as soon they dont like any a little thing about each other... but to me, I dont do that cuz I think about my children future... if things that I can work thing out then I will do my best. If my husband is totally out of me then it is different.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
27 May 09
That is great that the two of you were able to work things out and that you are now closer. Hang in there and have a great life.
• United States
28 May 09
yeah, it definitely is too easy to get divorced but also way too easy to get married. maybe if it was harder to get married people would think twice. so many people get married for the wrong reasons. i also have been married before and i think that most people should wait until they are older and know themselves better. i believe that some catholic churches require premarital counseling in order to get couples ready but perhaps it isn't intense or long enough.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
28 May 09
It is a requirement to do the course in the catholic church, however they do not care how well you do or not, they just want to fee for the class. I just think more should be done to make sure that the couple is ready for marriage, or make divorce harder so that people will put more thought into marriage.
• Malaysia
28 May 09
In my opinion, people can think it about it themselves without the need of counseling. Before get married we should think about all the possibility that can happen after the wedding and be prepared for it. Asking yourself 'are you ready to bear the responsibilities to come?'. Because it's not about you alone, it's about your partner and family.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
28 May 09
The only thing is so many couples do not stop to think about five years from now, they focus so much on their wedding day that they do not give much thought to what is coming in the years to come