When cheating gets more complicated

United States
May 28, 2009 1:54am CST
My boyfriend of 11 years decided to cheat on me after 10 years of being faithful. I know this thing happens all the time. my story has a twist. The girl that he cheated with ended up getting pregnant. I have decided to stay with him and try and help fight for and raise the baby as my own. My question is do YOU think you would be strong enough to do it to.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@med889 (5954)
28 May 09
No I cannot, even with lots of thinking I just think I cannot raise the child not because I don't like the baby or because I think I am not strong enough but I will constantly think of the 10 years of being together with my partner and I will think of how and why it has ended this way, the baby could have been from my womb if he had asked me just once but he didnot, he did not trust me enough and now he has brought a child. The child is innocent, he does not know anything, he is just an angel, maybe he will respect you more after knowing what you ahve done for him, But will be able to stand to this decision for your whole life without thinking the how and why and when of your partner's betrayal? I am honest to say that I will not be able. I am strong enough to stand by my decisions in life but not string enough to stay with the man i trusted for 10 years and yet he has betrayed me with another and got a baby.
• United States
28 May 09
I understand your point of view and its much apprecated. I do have a 9 year old daughter with him. and we were planning another baby when this happened. Forgiveness is one of the hardest emotions to accomplish.
@med889 (5954)
28 May 09
You are indeed a great woman which I think it very good to be but at the same time don't forget that you have a life for yourself. To give a secong chance is okay but please think very well before giving more chances now. As a woman I appreciate you and understand you very well but as a person i think you are too kind.
@rsa101 (22783)
• Philippines
28 May 09
That is how strong you love him after cheating on you? Well that may work for you but there is a great risk I see in there. That is there is a tendency for the guy to cheat on you again. You've forgiven him but did he ask for it or has he even repented on what he did to you? I think you could follow the choice you've made, just be ready for any price that you may have to pay for the choice you committed.
• United States
28 May 09
thanks you for your view of the subject. I will take it in considerably.
@sublime03 (1809)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
That is a difficult situation to be at. Being with the person that long and end up being cheated on is a hard thing to go through. Most of my friends encounter this and I have not. But raising the child as your own is a good gesture and it is hard to accept that. For me,I do not think I can do it since I would really get hurt knowing that he cheated on me. But again it is not the childs fault and so sooner or later I would not have anything against the child. I am still thinking if I would actually still give my significant other a chance to still be with me. Trust is a very big thing with me and so I do not let it go like any other thing.
• United States
2 Jun 09
it is very similar to my husband and i, minus the cheating. his ex wife has full custody of his daughter and it has been very difficult. this situation has tested our relationship in ways i never really thought of. my husband was in the navy and was only around his daughter for maybe 6months. (she was 18 months when they split) because of this, his ex got complete custody. it has affected us for the most part financially. because his ex doesnt work, he is responsible for 100% of the childs support. he has to give her about 1/3 of his pay each month. my best advice is to prepare yourself. this is a tough situation to be in. i knew that going into mine, that my emotional well being was going to be kind of put aside because his was much greater. fighting for a child that isnt yours brings out so many emotions, its unrealistic. my husband kept telling me i was being pessimistic, but i considered my realistic. most states do tend to go with the mother, unless she is obviously unfit. just be prepared to sacrafice. if you have forgiven him for his infidelity, then i say good luck and i hope that it turns out the best for you both, because its going to be a long and hard battle for both of you. just dont lose sight of why youre doing it.