Lending money to others

@faisai (1138)
Hong Kong
May 28, 2009 5:04am CST
Do you lend money to others? I don't mean those small amounts that are for taking a cab. I mean some larger amount that may be half of your monthly salary or above. Would you lend money to your friends? Have you encountered situation that you have lent money to them and they just don't pay you back? I seldom lend money to others. I think it is best to keep a relationship free of money. As long as money is involved, it gets complicated. Especially if the borrower refuses to pay you back, I find it difficult to ask him for my money while at the same time maintain the relationship between us.
7 people like this
39 responses
@tashakau (131)
• Canada
29 May 09
It would depend on the situation, if I see the person needs the money for something really important and it depends if this person owes money to other people. It would also depend if this person is working or not and what kind of friend they are, I would also have to ask myself, If I would be in a jam and I needed financial assistance would they be there for me.
1 person likes this
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
29 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It would be great if you have a friend there for you when you need financial assistance. However, if we aren't making the first step, I wonder whether others will do the same to us.
@secretbear (19460)
• Philippines
30 May 09
hello faisai! ^^ i agree with you. its best to keep a friendship free of big money. if its small money, its okay. but if its like half of your salary, it would really make things complicated. even if you're best of friends. its not the money that directly complicates it but the attitude. like in my case, i had a bestfriend who borrowed a large amount of money from me and she said she'll pay me when she can. and then she got married and move. i sent her a message asking her if she could pay me because i need the money. she didn't answer me and just pretended that she didn't receive any messages. i think that happened thrice. and now there's a gap between us. we're still friends but something has changed. she could have just told me she still didn't have the money to pay me. but no, she chose to ignore my messages. and that what annoys me. so i think its better to keep big money out of the way. but then again, people may think the other way. i guess it just really depends on a person's attitude.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It is sad that your friend had chosen to turn a deaf ear on your message about repaying the money to you. Sometimes, I think that they actually have the spare money but they just think that it is not needed to pay you back as you really don't have any ways to force them to it at all. I mean, we aren't going to put it into the court and thus, it is just something we can do nothing about. It annoys me when I think that they may have such thoughts.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19460)
• Philippines
30 May 09
i agree. they probably think that way. since you're friends they'll think its fine to delay paying because whatever happens you can wait and you won't be angry. its really an annoying thought. with my friend, she probably thinks that i don't need the money because i'm single and she has a family. well she's wrong. when i asked her to pay one time, i needed the money for a minor surgery, a removal of my cyst in my arm. i told her that when i sent her a message. she ignored that one. and i just couldn't believe it!
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
I feel sorry for you that you actually have told her you need the money back for a surgery and still she turned a deaf ear to you. If I were you, I will treat that as she wanted no friendship with me anymore. Think it this way, if I hadn't lent her the money but just asking for a loan for the surgery, would she lend me the money if she is able to do so? Judging from the fact that she chose to ignore my request of paying me back what she should have, I strongly doubt that.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
31 May 09
The solution is, learn to say no, or learn to give freely. I have a rule... I do not lend money. That said, I have no problem giving money. But I don't lend it. If you $500 for something, and I don't have it to give, the answer is "No". Meaning... "No". Not "No, unless you beg me and then I'll lend it to you". If I DO have the money, but I really can't afford to give it to you, the answer is again "No"... meaning... "No". If I DO have the money and I CAN afford to give you it, I'll just give you the money, with no expectation to repay. As in, here... this $500 is a gift. I want you to have this. What this does is, it keeps your relationship clean and clear of money, while still being able to help out your friends if you can. Because you are right... it's hard to have a good relationship with someone when you are trying to get them to pay you back. So don't do it. Of course this requires maturity on YOUR part, because when they can't do something for you, you can't start thinking... "Well I gave them that $500" Right you did, and it was a gift so drop it. You have to be a mature person to do that.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
31 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So, how did you friends respond when you said no to their asking for money? I mean do they just go away when you tell them no and then there seems to be nothing happened? I understand that we have the right to say no when we don't see fit. However, there is always consequences of whatever we choose to do. Saying no, from my point of view, seems to reject a friend's request for help which simply means that I am not there for him when he needs it. How could I expect he will be there for me if I need their help?
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
31 May 09
One time, I didn't give the money, and they understood. Look, if your friend asks for money, and you say no, and they suddenly are not your friend, you can trust they never were. Another time, one asked me for $300 to go on a vacation, and I gave it. Obviously they were happy for the gift, as well as a bit confused. In either case, if they really are friends, they understand.
• United States
31 May 09
Yes, because of the way things are these days, who has the extra money to loan out anyway, I know I don't. It would be nice to have such friends that would give you money if you asked for it, but I would want to make sure I could pay them back, I don't like asking to borrow money in the first place, it feels weird.
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
30 May 09
If you lend money to a friend, you are risking loosing your money and your friend as well,I have seen it happen, so I would be very careful about lending money even when you trust your friend, or family member.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. I know that it is risky of not only losing the money but also the friend. But then, I always wonder do the borrowers think the same... or worse, they intend it that way. I mean it is pretty common sense that if you don't pay back the money, the friendship can no longer be the same and still they choose it that way. Does it mean that the moment they ask for a loan, they are effectively saying: OK, our friendship ends here, what you say?
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
31 May 09
I do not think the borrower thinks that way in the first place, but if he or she can not pay the money back they will avoid you like the plague, so there is a friend gone. I don't imply that is the case with everyone but I have seen it too often and I myself have learnt the hard way.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
31 May 09
I do hope that they don't have that thoughts in their mind because it is exactly what the word betrayal is used for. What I don't understand is why can't they just be honest. I won't ask you to repay me if you are still in trouble and thus, there is really no reason to hide from me if you really cannot pay me back.
28 May 09
When I lend out little bits of money, I never get that back.. It's only a few quid so I don't mind but it would be nice for a change to actually get it back, which is why I'd refuse a big amount of money straight away.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
28 May 09
Thanks for your reply. I also seldom put any attention on small amount of money as that just doesn't worth the trouble. About large sum, I also hesitate as money is quite important to my life (and my family also). But then, I find it difficult to turn other people down. It feels guilty for me of turning them down because the moment they are looking to me for help means they are counting on me... Letting them down make me feels bad.
28 May 09
it's okay, and aww you shouldn't feel bad for turning them down! just think, would they do the same for you? and will they pay you back?.. and if you need the money yourself then don't lend it them because then you wont be able to spend it on what you want to spend it on!
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
29 May 09
Thanks for your reply. That's what I am most afraid of. I mean if they do really not helping me out when I am in need, then it may not be a problem that I don't lend them my money. However, what if one day I am in need? Shall I still ask them for help when I have turn them down? I am so confused.
@walijo2008 (4646)
• United States
30 May 09
I have learned a long time ago not to lend money to anyone, especially family, because family won't pay you back, and sometimes friends won't either. I think its best to keep a relationship free of money also, because it can cause alot of problems when money is involved.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
31 May 09
Thanks for your reply. But wouldn't it seems too mean not to lend money to your family when they are really in need? I mean they are family and thus are counting on your support when they need it most and you turn them down. Wouldn't that damage the relationship?
• United States
31 May 09
Well you can only help someone for so long, then you get tired of it. I suppose it can damage a relationship, but so far we've been getting along good, we just don't talk about it much. Its a long story, its something that my brother did, and I just know I'll never loan him money again. What he did caused the bank to take money out of my mom's account, and when she really needed it, her account was almost empty, he owes her about 1500.00 and to this day he's only paid her a couple hundred, plus what he owes everybody else in the family that he's borrowed from, thats why I said that.
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
30 May 09
A good rule of thumb is not to lend money to friends. THere is too much chance for anumosity to come between the two friends and teh relationship is not the same even if they do pay them back. If I am going to give a friend money I will say it is not a loan but a gift and not expect it to ever be paid back. It would cause a lot less problems.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So did you really tell your friend that it is a gift rather than a loan when they want to borrow money from you? What did they say? From my point of view, they will insist on paying you back at that moment which of course we knew what it came out finally. How did you handle those situations?
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
30 May 09
if they want to pay me back then they can whenever they want to, but I don't hold it over their heads and consider it a gift until they pay me back. If they pay me back then I will take it but until then it is a gift and i do not expect it to be paid back. For example, one of my friends needed me to do something for her that she could not do herself so I did it and she said she would pay me fifty to seventy-five dollars when it was done. I said okay that sounds reasonable but she never paid me. I am not going to ask her for it ever because I would have done it anyway for her. That is what friends do. But if she were to remember and pay me back one day then I would take it as a thank you gift because she would be upholding her end of a promise she made to me, even though I didn't technically agree to the payment. Risking a lost friendship is not worth seventy-five dollars to me, that is how I look at it.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
29 May 09
I agree with you. Lending and barrowing is something i dont get involved in. For one thing i do not have $$$ to loan. And i dont want to owe anyone anything. People disappear from you when they owe you. I would rather give them a $10. or $20. if i can afford it. I will tell them dont worry to pay me back just dont make a habit to ask. I have lost afreind over $20. He insisted to pay me back. But instead he dissappeared. Looking at the possitive side...at least it was only $20. and not $200. I hope he is doing better now whereever and whatever he is doing.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It is sad and sometimes angry when others swear that they will pay you back where they just choose to disappear. As you have pointed out, some will choose to disappear even if only borrowed a small amount from you. Sometimes, I think that it kind of evaluates the weighting of the friendship between you and the borrower by means of the amount he is borrowing. I mean choosing to disappear with just $20 seems to me that he feels not quite close to you at all.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
30 May 09
For a long time this co worker would barrow $20. Then pay it back when we got paid. Then before payday he would need help again so it would happen all over again. This went on for a long time. I left the pace of empolyment before he did . When he left that job and was looking for another job my new job needed some one so i told he come and apply. He got the job and the barrowing started all over again. The compay owner for our new jobs desided to close that store so once again we were out of jobs. That was when he left town to attend a trucking school and he said he would keep in touch. After he left i was talking to another girl that we worked with and she told me he owed her $50.
• Philippines
29 May 09
Yes, I do lend money to others. Others that I am sure would pay me as what they promised. But if that person failed to pay me as what they had promised, I definitely won't lend them again.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
29 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So have you ever encountered somebody not paying you back the money you lent them? Did they ever dare asking you to lend more money to them? How do you deal with these people? I mean how does it feel like when they try to contact you even not for money?
• Philippines
31 May 09
Yes, I had experienced someone not paying money that I lend them. And yes, he do ask for lending him money once more, I just answered that I needed money at this moment that I have nothing to lend.
@williamjisir (22884)
• China
29 May 09
Hello faisai. A few months ago, one of my colleagues asked to lend him a large sum of money for buying some shares of stocks. I lent it to him and after a month he gave it back to me with some extra money because he had made some more money with the money I lent him. I accepted it as he insisted on my accepting it. I am glad that he earned some with the investment in buying stocks. I wish him good luck.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
29 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So you know ahead of time that he is borrowing your money to buy stocks? What if he lose it all? I mean it is pretty obvious that if he make money, he can pay you back but if he cannot, then your money will be lost. It seems to me that he is using your money to buy stocks and share with you the earnings if everything goes as planned or you take all the loss if it just doesn't work out.
• China
30 May 09
I don't have to worry too much about it because he left me a note of borrowing money and the date he was going to give it back to me. I trust him though I worry about his losing the money.
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
29 May 09
Could you have warned me two years back??? I have lend 2000,00 euro's to our friends that live across the street. They were going to pay me back 100 euro a month. Then everything would have been all right. I had told them, if they don't do that I would get into be trouble. And today, I am happy when my fridge is full and my bills are paid. Because my fridge is more empty than full. Who helps me know??? No one really. I have not gotten the money back, and probably never will. I will (right now I can't, but if I could) never lend money to anyone ever again! If I have enough, I will give it away, but not lend and get into trouble myself later. I really trusted these people. Stupid me. I feel like I am being punished because I tried to help. That is a terrible feeling.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
29 May 09
Thanks for your reply. Yes, it feels terrible when others use our trust in return for their own advantage. But it is even more terrible that you no longer trust other people again. There are still good people out there. Shutting off from your friend is not a good idea. Hope you can find somebody you really can count on.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
29 May 09
It is not that they intentionally misused my trust. They really cannot pay me back. Even the other day, I was told they were going to pay me back soon. But, they don't have work either. How are they going to do that? I cannot even be angry. Because I was so stupid to lend it to them. I am only angry with myself. If I did not lend them the money there kids would have had nothing to eat and no electricity. I did it more for the kids. So even then, I was so stupid! You have to look after yourself before you help others. Know I am in the S!!! Is someone going to help me?
@getitok (278)
• China
28 May 09
I did lend money to friends a few times during the past years. And sometimes my friends forgot to return it to me, and I feel it is embarrassed to ask them. So I don't lend money out unless to the best one or two friends.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
28 May 09
Thanks for your reply. I understand that lending money only to the people close to you. But then they will also delay paying you back. So, will you ask them to pay you back after the deadline has passed already? It seems to be more embarrassing asking friends closer to us to pay us back than those not so close.
@getitok (278)
• China
29 May 09
Yes, still my closest friend did not return money to me on time. In this case, I once told him that I really needed some money urgently, and he did return most of the money to me, but not all of them. I will keep lending money to him. My attitude to delaying pay back is: for large quantity, I will tell him/her I need money now(and he/she always will return back as possible as they can); for small quantity,I'm willing to abandon the idea of asking back.
@fizanali (478)
• Pakistan
28 May 09
Yeah I lend money because I find it hard not to when someone close is in need of it. I'm not to much worried about money because I put lots of thing before money. I believe money is important but only as a means for happiness not in itself and helping others makes me happy.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
28 May 09
Thanks for your reply. I think it is nice to help people and see that they have their problems solved. So, have you been able to get back all money you lend out? Or you would do all you can to get back the money you have lend out?
@fizanali (478)
• Pakistan
5 Jun 09
I almost never ask back for the money myself as it goes against my ethics (which I put before money). But mostly the other person remembers and returns it. Sometime I indirectly convey the message so that he remembers incase he has forgotten. But at times I don't get the money back but still I don't push it and eventually forget about it.
@Metalchick (1391)
28 May 09
I very rarely do this infact I don't think I ever have. If the circumstance arose when I would have to do it then I would but I would want a document drawn up and interest paid back too. By stipulating i'd want interest hopefully it will put people off asking so I don't get put into that awkward situation but if it did occur then i'd want to do it properly so i'm not losing out by the arrangement either.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
28 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So you are focusing on getting what you are supposed to have (at least the capital you lend out) by having a proper document. But don't you think that having a document seems to mean that the friendship between you and your friend is somewhat weak? I mean the document servers as the purpose of your friend not paying you back which in simpler terms means you just don't trust him. Don't you think it will hurt the friendship?
28 May 09
Not at all. By stipulating i'd charge interest and by having a written document I plan on deferring them from even taking me up on the offer so I am not put into that situation and if they do take me up on the offer they know where they stand to begin with. Have seen people lend money in past and not get it back by documenting it it's insurance in a way.
@whyaskq (7529)
• Singapore
30 May 09
In the past, I must admit I am a good friend of many. I have few debtors whom I do not know where they are. Though I know very well it was money gone, I do still harbour hopes they will look me up and pay me what I have lent them.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. We still have hope sometimes and that we get disappointed. It is more disappointing to see that those who didn't pay us back are actually having quite good life in which they surely have spare money. Yet, after all these debtors not paying you back, do you still lend out money on your friends' requests? It is so contradicting that on the one hand, we really want to be good and help out while on the other hand, we are almost certain we are not paid back.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
30 May 09
I have a little rule about that. I never lend out any more than I can afford to lose. In fact when I lend money...I consider myself my own co-signer so to speak. If the person doesn't re-pay me...I pay for whatever I lent them the $ for to begin with. There are a couple of people that I would without thinking, break that rule for because I know without a doubt that they would pay me back when they say they will. Ironically...those are the ones that will probably never ask.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It seems so sad that we have to assume the others will not pay us back the moment we lend out the money. But then, other than having assumed the lend out money is already a bad debt, I don't have other better idea of dealing with people borrowing money for me.
@frygirl (382)
• United States
30 May 09
no i dont lend money to anyone because i dont have it to loan you see iam on a fixed income myself and i dont get any help from anyone else.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. So, you just say "No" to anyone who ask you for money? Wouldn't it feel embarrassed when you reject others? I am quite afraid of others asking me for money as I honestly don't know how to reject people in such a way that the relationship between us won't be harmed.
@jugsjugs (13038)
29 May 09
I do lend money to friends,but it angers me when they borrow money off me or someone else and then their partner go and buys a take away or other stuff.It also annoys me when you have three friends who borrow money off you and it takes them longer to pay it back than they say they are going to pay you back by.Do these people not think we have bills to pay just like they do.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It is really annoying when the borrower use the money not for critical need but for any other purposes. The sad thing is that as they are not using it for something important, it is pretty obvious that these people are not going to pay you back at all. And the worst is that they will let you know how they are making use of your money on leisure things which seems to irritates you more.
@mtdewgurl74 (18159)
• United States
29 May 09
Yes, I do lend money to others if I have it. But not large amounts. The highest we have loaned money to someone was $400 when my husband was working really well and we were paid back but it took 7 months to get it. If I had it yeah, but it would be with the understanding that it needed to be paid back and was not a gift. We barely scrape by most months and so money is hard to come by. Sometimes it is easier to loan money to a friend then family since sometimes family has a attitude of of well..and don't like to pay back.been there done the many times. And never loan more then a person would be able to pay back..that how things get tangled and people can't pay it back.. unless on a payment of so much a month.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
30 May 09
Thanks for your reply. It is true that lending money to a friend is easy. At least if they really don't pay back, you can always just treat that as a sign that the borrowers want to cut the relationship with you and therefore stay away from him. For family, it is more complicated. They don't pay back makes you feel depressed, angry and yet you cannot really show it up since they are "family".
@marcyyyy (519)
• United States
29 May 09
I've lent friends money...may be up to $20, but not a large amount. I don't usually have a large amounbt to lend!! My friend lent her good friend over $300. They also worked at the same place and made the same money, but he never paid her back! He also became very nasty towards her and totally changed. They were such close friends and I can hardly believe he did that. If I would lend a good friend money like that, I would do the paperwork, but not charge interest. That's what banks do. Good luck to you!
@marcyyyy (519)
• United States
29 May 09
Yeah, you're right. It would be hard to have a friend sign a piece of paper...it's like you don't trust them. Scratch the paperwork...I trust my friends and if I didn't, they wouldn't be my friends and I would never lend them any money!! Take Care!!