My son likes a gal but he's too afraid to speak up. Any suggestions?

@mentalward (14693)
United States
May 28, 2009 7:08am CST
My oldest son, the sensible, down-to-Earth one, has gone with me on several occasions to pick up my prescription meds. There's a gal working at the pharmacy who is relatively new, very cute and so sweet! The first time my son was with me, I told him she was my favorite person at the pharmacy because she's so sweet, which she heard because I was right standing right in front of her. She giggled. She's kinda been checking my son out, looking at him and smiling shyly. She mentioned something to me about her "ex-fiance" out of the blue so I'm thinking that was a hint. So, that's the dilemma... they're both very shy! How does a shy guy approach a gal? I know he should try to make idle conversation with her but he claims his brain freezes up whenever he tries to speak. Having never been a shy guy, I don't know what to tell him, other than the obvious, that he has to say something to her. Any suggestions?
8 people like this
19 responses
28 May 09
just tell him to speak his mind, we often hold things in like that and by the time we let it out, its too late. we only live once, so go for it, then if she feels the same way then great, but if not then it wouldn't have worked out, so go for it!
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
28 May 09
Well, it's easy to tell someone to speak their mind, but being shy it's a really hard thing to do. I used to be extremely shy. I hated being the first one to talk. Luckily, life changed that. But, he's still very shy. However, I will tell him to "go for it" the next time we're both there. Maybe, I could start a conversation that they both could add something to. Hmmm... You are correct about speaking your mind or it could be too late. I know, I was there. It took me getting a job that forced me to speak with people to learn how to speak first. Then, having children, I developed an even stronger voice. But, he's never been married and has no kids. However, I will try urging him to say something to this gal. Thanks!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 09
I felt the same for myself when it comes to talk the girl of my dream. But somehow, you have to do it, otherwise, you might miss the perfect opportunity. She won't just wait around there for you forever. You must push your son to say something to her. Or, you can do the match maker, and come up with something for them to say.
@krajibg (11931)
• Guwahati, India
28 May 09
Hi there, It seems your son has got infatuated towards the girl but as he shy he can not let his mind open before her. Now as she already has had a boy friend it would be better for your son to remain away from this pharmacy girl.
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
28 May 09
No, she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore. She spoke about her EX-fiance. She's no longer engaged. If she has a new boyfriend, she hasn't spoken of him. Maybe I should talk some more with her to find out. She does seem interested in my son, so I don't think she has any boyfriend right now.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11931)
• Guwahati, India
28 May 09
Hi, Do you want that your son develops interest in her? Is she worth your son? A lot of things are to be taken into account.
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
28 May 09
Well, I've liked her from the start. She's very nicely groomed and neatly dressed. She's very sweet and helpful, moreso than any other person working there. She's also very easy to talk to and sounds very educated. Yes, I can honestly say that I think she and my son would enjoy each other's company, even if it never goes further than that.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61189)
• United States
29 May 09
is she that shy? maybe sometime you go by yourself and suggest that she speak to him, and see if she can even suggest they get together.
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
29 May 09
Yeah, she certainly seems that shy. She's a giggler and speaks with such a soft voice which tells me that she's really a very shy person. I might actually do that, talk with her, feel her out and see what she thinks. My son is very lucky that I overcame my shyness. Yeah, I was once so shy I wished a hole would open up and swallow me if anyone even looked my way! Now, I can barely keep my mouth shut.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61189)
• United States
29 May 09
I was also very shy, and still have a problem calling strangers on the phone, about the worst of the remains of my introvertedness. Once did a Myers/Briggs personality test and turned out I was the only introvert in the room, but I was the one that got them all talking when I got to the class.
• Canada
28 May 09
Why don't you play matchmaker and invite her over for dinner? That should start the ball rolling. And keep finding excuses to inviter her over until he is able to screw up the courage to ask her out privately. Until then, they will have a middle ground to 'get to know each other'.
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
28 May 09
You know, that's a great idea! I know my husband would absolutely HATE the idea but that's too bad. I know exactly what he'll say, "You know how much I love my privacy!" Yeah, I know, and I also know that he married me knowing that I have two sons. Although they're both adults, they're still my sons and always will be. My husband will just have to deal with it or leave. At this point, I don't care which he chooses. Let's see... my son's birthday is coming up next month. Maybe I could plan a little barbeque or something and invite her. She and I have chit-chatted enough to where she smiles and waves whenever she sees me. Hmmm... I'm formulating a scheme... err... I mean a PLAN now! Yeah, that's it... an informal barbeque! That's great! If my husband can't stand the idea, he can go stay with his sister for the weekend. My husband has serious problems and I refuse to adjust my lifestyle just to feed those problems. Thanks for the idea, Annie! This just might work!
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 May 09
I always try my best to help wherever I can. That way, nobody is rejected, nor put on the spot. Glad to have put the bug in your ear to help him out. At least he is decent to you, unlike your antisocial drunken husband. This idea will actually serve two purposes, eh?
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
7 Jun 09
Let him go pick up the meds for you, this way he HAS to talk to her. Maybe once they get started, everything will move along. I tried setting my son with someone...but he freaked out when he found out she was 4 years older then him.
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I've decided to do just that, Deb. He's coming over on Wednesday so I'm planning to have one of my prescriptions ready to be picked up then and will ask him to pick it up for me. I'll also remind him that he and this gal have something in common: they both work for the same company. Different stores, but same company. So, he can open a conversation with that. (My sons didn't visit last Wednesday because I wasn't feeling well.) I feel so bad for him because I know how it is to be that shy. Luckily, being female, I was never faced with the problem he faces. Even in today's society, I think most gals still wait for the guys to start the conversations. Maybe he could benefit from a course in assertiveness training. Hmmm...
@dragon54u (31620)
• United States
28 May 09
Invite them both to lunch and don't let them know? All kidding aside, you will have to start a conversation with the three of you, ask some leading questions and have a conversation that makes them both laugh and have a little fun. Laughter really relaxes people. It's up to you to break the ice if they are both so shy but beyond that you can't do much. Luck with that!
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
29 May 09
Well, I could certainly do that! I have her giggling the entire time she's waiting on me! She's gotten comfortable enough with me to start joking back so your suggestion is definitely do-able! You're right about there being only so much I can do. He's got to learn to speak up. He's gotten quite bold at work and is able to joke around with his co-workers and have them in stitches (figuratively, that is), but in matters of the heart, he just freezes! Hmmm, we've had a few conversations about me wanting a granddaughter and he wants kids of his own; maybe I could start up a conversation about getting too old before I ever have grandchildren. I told my son to get the word out there that he's a guy who actually WANTS to have kids... there are plenty of gals who would fall all over each other to get a man like that! So, I guess I'll start off by telling him that he has to be able to talk to gals before he can become a father. It really does help!
@crazydaisy (3899)
• Canada
28 May 09
Have him go and pick up your meds... even if you don't need them make sure he's gose and ask her for them,That best way he'll be willy most likey start to talk more then ask her out. cd
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
29 May 09
I'm going to do just that, cd! I know she works on Wednesdays, when he has off, so I'm going to have one of my meds refilled and waiting for him to pick it up next Wednesday. I am, however, going to pick up another one of my meds before then and tell her that my son thinks she's very sweet. I know she'll remember him because she kept taking little peeks at him with a little smile while she was helping me. Then, he can go by himself next week. IF they do manage to strike up a conversation, I'm going to tell him that he should ask her to come to his birthday party that I'm throwing him.... just an informal barbeque. We're going to have a lot of stuff to do like going out on the lake and fishing or just having fun swimming in the lake, horseshoes, fireworks, all kinds of cool stuff to do and eat. (I always make WAAAAAY too much food!) Or, he could ask her out for lunch sometime... less formal than dinner and safer because it's light outside. Whatever he does, he's going to HAVE to speak up. Maybe I'll mention that the worst she could do is say no and, if she does, he can say he'll give her a raincheck.
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
28 May 09
Marti, My Son didn't have any trouble with girls. That was the only subject he excelled in. I think the main thing for you should just let him know you are there for him, as I'm sure that you always do. Ask him if he wants any help from you. Maybe he can start by asking her what kind of movies she likes. Is there one out right now she might like to see with him? Everyone likes going to the movies. Let me know how things work out. I wish him lots of luck. leenie
@mentalward (14693)
• United States
28 May 09
I've decided that I'm going to go to the pharmacy myself and "feel" her out, telling her, in casual conversation, that my son thinks she's very cute and sweet, then leave it at that. Since he was with me when I went on Wednesday, she'll know who I'm talking about. She did keep taking peeks at him and smiling, so that's a good sign. Then, I'll have him pick up one of my prescriptions by himself and see what happens. Seeing as how they both are shy, I don't know how this will go but I think he'll at least be able to get a "feel" for what she's thinking. If he says it was positive, then I'll ask her if she'd like to come to my son's birthday party, a barbeque, since his birthday is coming up. I'll tell her it's very informal and, since I like her, I'd love it if she would join us. My youngest son has never had any problems attracting females... too much so! He's a really gorgeous guy, even if I do say so myself. Both of my boys are good-looking, but my youngest is gorgeous! He's always been able to 'pick and choose'. Thankfully, he's chosen the more level-headed of all of them! I just wish my oldest son was less shy! We'll just have to see. I'll let you know how it goes!
@reckon21 (3484)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Since he is your son. Why don't you set them up in a date, the two of them alone. Maybe this will jolt them to start a friendship and later on a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being shy but in terms of dating the guy should do the first move.
@KrauseHome (36629)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Well with them both being so Shy, you need to find a way to get your Son to get up the nerve to talk to this girl, or find a way to get them in a situation to where she is not working to where they might be able to talk some. If they really do like each other in time things will happen. Just need to remember to not force them together and scare one away as well.
@winterose (39892)
• Canada
30 May 09
he has to start speaking to her obvious or not, he has to start, it can start easy just asking her how is day going, then he has to muster up the strength to ask for a coffee after work or something like that and then it can build from there.
@JenInTN (27536)
• United States
29 May 09
That's about all you can do. A shy person has to build up to saying something. I would just make sure he took you for your meds all the time..lol..you might even need some advice on something during the in between times. Maybe after a few more times you could invite her over for dinner with you and your son..LOL..
@dropofrain (1168)
• India
29 May 09
Have faith in yourself and do not get afraid. Things will definately turn out to be positive !! Have faith in yourself and God.
@sacmom (14249)
• United States
29 May 09
Maybe if he brought a friend (male, not female) along it would help with his shyness and he'd be able to talk to her? When I was eyeing my husband (a long time ago LOL) I was terribly shy and didn't speak up even though I really wanted to meet him. And I almost didn't. However, a friend of mine who had been staying over at my mom's place helped me to speak up when I saw him. If it hadn't been for my friend my husband and I most likely would have never have met. Because he moved away shortly after. A separate instance that I can think of is a male cousin of mine. This guy was so shy it literally took him years to get the nerve to speak up to a girl he liked. But in the end he got his girl and they are now married. Hopefully, it won't take your son that long! Because by then it might be too late! Hmm, maybe you could always stick your nose in where it doesn't belong and get the ball rolling by speaking to this girl for your son? Just a thought!
@jbrooks0127 (2325)
• United States
29 May 09
One of the most difficult things for shy people to do is to speak our mind when there is a lot at stake. He may find her very attractive and want very much to speak to her but I can tell you it is a very difficult thing for him to do. The very last thing he wants is to look a fool. Even if he doesn't he will think he did and, at least for him, there is no difference. If he tries to talk with her and then can't think of one thing to say he will not likely do it again. And it is even worse when she is shy because while she is sending all kind of signals that you can see he will not be looking for them. If she were bold and let him know absolutely that she was interested he would loosen up and more than likely be fine. So my advice to him is to plan out a visit. Think it through as to what he would say and what answers she may give. He must know that by concentrating on her and not himself he will be much more likely to be open. All he really need do is ask questions about her and she will take care of the rest. When even he can see that she enjoys talking with him he will be able to ask her out. And what you can tell him about your perception of her will help also. He may not say much but he will be listening. Being shy he will not be able to see the things you do. The reason of course is he will be concentrating too much on himself and not enough on her. Just keep giving him pointers and he will come around. But he has to have a plan. That will reduce his anxiety and let him be more open.
@hanah87 (1835)
• Malaysia
29 May 09
I think you should discuss with your son.Maybe he will tell his problem to you.Thank you and have a nice day.
@MartyM (95)
• United States
29 May 09
Well.......I have a 16 year old son, myself ( single mom, here..). I know there is a girl at school that he talks about constantly. I told him if he wants to talk to me about any 'problems' with her, that I will ALWAYS will be 'here' for him. I would just let 'nature takle it's course' and remeind him that you will be 'there' for him, too. Don't 'butt in' unless you're asked to. Especially with a teenager..they really need their 'space' to kind of decide for themselves what they wanna do about' issues' like this.
@paula27661 (15870)
• Australia
29 May 09
I used to be very shy myself so I can appreciate how difficult this is for him. The best way for him to speak to her is to have an excuse such as sending him to pick up your meds and for him to casually mention he has a couple of tickets to somewhere and would she like to come along or would she like to have a coffee during her break. Of course he may find that a tad difficult so, the idea that some have suggested of you inviting her over for a meal would be an excellent one. I hope this works out; please keep us posted on the progress of this lovely friendship!
• Malaysia
29 May 09
I think shy guys are usually sensitive and are attractive to some women. I think if your son really loves the girl, he will have to overcome his shyness. Guys do have to sacrifice their shyness for love and if they cant overcome this for the sake of the girl than maybe his love is not strong enough yet. I think he can force himself to do it if he wants to.