I feel sorry for my friend

@maximax8 (29477)
United Kingdom
May 29, 2009 7:59am CST
One of my friends has just been made redundant. She has two young children to care for and a mortgage to pay. She is looking around for another job but it must fit in with her children. Her oldest child hasn't been at all well lately. So my friend has had to let her daughter stay at home for two weeks instead of go to school. My friend is divorced and doesn't get on well with her ex-husband. What do you think I could say to my friend to make her feel happier? Have any of your friends ever been in a sad or difficult situation?
3 people like this
7 responses
@amylhz (12)
• China
30 May 09
Hi maximax, I am sorry to hear your friend's difficult situation and you are really a caring friend of hers since you even post here asking for suggestions in order to make her happier.Life is indeed tough sometimes, and we can't change life itself but we can change our attitudes towards it. Try to spend more time with her and listen to her speaking out her stress and feelings.In this way, she can share everything with you and she might think she is not lonely and she is safe with you. or you may give her some ideas about earning living, having a yard sale etc.and help her look for a job. Hope she can get over the hard time. Good luck
1 person likes this
• India
30 May 09
If you really fell sorry for her and have feelings for her then spend time with her and due to her negative experiences from her ex-husband, I think still she is not ok by mind. So take care of that first. But the most important thing is help her to find a job according to her education or technical skill. Spend time with her child so that she get a moral boost.
@jugsjugs (13038)
30 May 09
A friend of mine was made redundant and they are still looking for a job and it has been six months without finding a job.This person has no children so that is one less worry for them but they do have a mortgage.I have now told them to sell stuff what they dont use for example they have two cars but only drive one.They have had a yard sale which made a bit of money.They now do surveys on a pc as that makes some money rather than no money.That way if nothing comes along at least they have tried to get a job and kept them self busy trying to put some money towards the mortgage so then the mortgage company will also see they are trying.I try anything to get ends to meet by trying to make some money.I feel sorry for your friend as none of this is their fault.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22900)
• China
29 May 09
Hello maximax. I am so sorry to hear your friend's being redundant from her job. Here in my country there are also many people who have been made redundant due to the financial crisis. But life still has to go on. Many people are finding their way out doing something else that they can find. Well, more than a decade ago, when our country was changing the plan economy into market economy economy, my sister became one of those who got laid off because of the change and the reform. But what was good is that they were paid some basic fee for life. Of course, those laid-off have to find some other jobs to maintain their family life. It is hard for them and my sister is not an exception. Right now my sister gets her retirement pension while working as a shop assistant for some private shoe shop. I am sure that your friend will manage to find her new way of life. Let's wish her all the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 09
That is a terrible situation. I hate hearing of all of the problems people are having lately. The job market has made it even more difficult to balance family and work! If I were you, I would just try to spend time with your friend. Invite her and her kids over for dinner. Just be there if she needs someone to talk to. I think the hardest part of being a single parent would be that you dont have someone to talk to about all of your problems!
1 person likes this
@yaztocal (19)
• United States
30 May 09
That's pretty sad. All the advise below from folks is great - yes spend time with her and have her come over for dinner when you can. Don't make the mistake I made and run away. I recently made two horrible mistakes by turning away from two friends who needed me. One was put in jail and one got a divorce from her husband of 14 years. I wasn't able to help either of them because I was too absorbed in my own stress. They both forgave me, but I will never forgive myself. I sometimes feel that when my friends are sad and going through tough times, I need to somehow solve their problem by either giving them money, or helping them find a job, etc. That's terrible thinking because all a true friend really needs is someone to cheer them up, to make them laugh and to let them know it's going to be okay eventually. These two experiences have made me think that I'm incapable of being a good friend. Funny thing is I thought that I am an excellent friend because I so badly want to help people in need, but my idea of help is distorted. I feel like if I can't give them the money, or the fame and fortune they need, or make their dreams come true, then I'm a bad friend. So many times I run away when they are in serious need to just be heard. Don't make my mistake - not that you will, I'm just saying. Hope that helps at least someone out there who may relate. Good luck, and be there for her.
@Archie0 (4667)
30 May 09
yeah.. i really feeel sorry.. for wotever happened to u.. its really sad..nowadays i feel like killing myself because one of my close friend broke up with me due to money matter.. its hurting but i have to do that.money is not everything in a relationship...A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. ..... so much ,okay you win,we feel sorry for you...ah yes i took control of my life and got a pig out of my life,.. but now there is nuthing left between me n my friend...
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
30 May 09
It is really, really hard raising kids on your own. Your friend is in a really tough spot, i'm thinking because she owns her own home. am I right? She should check and see what sort of financial aid she qualifies for but I think when you own your own place....that may make it difficult. they would consider that an asset. Maybe it would be in her best interest to sell the house and get an apt.?? She really needs good friends right now. I can almost feel her stress just trying to imagine myself in her shoes. I've been in some pretty tough spots. I raised 4 on my own and looking back, I couldn't tell you how we pulled thru but we did. I had some wonderful friends and family for moral support. I wouldn't know what to say to make your friend feel happier. She has a lot on her plate right now. Maybe there are no words that can help...just be her friend.