Please Critique This
@lululastrange (339)
United States
May 29, 2009 10:09pm CST
This is a poem I have written... If you don't believe its mine you can go to Lulu Poetry (total coincidence) and see it there...
Anyway, if you like let me know, if you don't tell me how I can improve it.
Thanks a ton guys!
Snake Oil Man
I'm a man on a mission,
with a vision
And I'm coming to your town.
I've reached perfection,
with no direction
and no election
with a phantasmal crown.
I'm here to bring enlightenment
with this blissful event
with no fraudulent intent
I'm here to blow your mind.
I need your trust,
its a plus, not a must
but I want to be your friend.
I've got tonics for hairs
and salves for mares,
I've got salvation from cares.
I've got all the advice,
at an unbelievable price,
this stage is set to entice.
You see, in this age of man,
I'm a snake oil man
and baby, I've got a plan
to be a wealthy man.
by JFox
Thanks again guys!
1 person likes this
3 responses
@lululastrange (339)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thank you very much... Its always nice to see when someone enjoys something that came out of my noggin. :)
@chapstek (85)
• Philippines
3 Jun 09
Hi there luluastrange! I have read your poem and I must say, you have a good rhyming skills. I think the pattern is nice also for the concept of your poem. I think it is better if you make the pattern more stable throughout the poem if you intend to keep the same concept throughout. But it is good! What is your inspiration for that poem by the way and how long have you written it? I really love reading poems because of the mood they create on the people reading it. Nice job luluastrange! :)
@kalaga (547)
• United States
4 Jun 09
hi lulu!nice poem.i love poetry.it makes me feel calm,collected and and puts me in some kind of state where i feel totally relaxed.i am not an expert or anything in that matter in poetry .but i do write poetry in my language.it is really nice.you got good rhyming capability which is showing in your poetry.thanks for sharing your work with us.i enjoyed it.
@lululastrange (339)
• United States
8 Jun 09
You are totally welcome. I love writing poetry... It isn't just calming for me... it just lets me get out whatever emotion I am feeling without worrying about judgment, because I never ever have to show my work if I don't want to.
Thanks for the response!
