Pet Rules!

United States
June 8, 2009 10:55am CST
I got this email from a friends and I think it is hilarious! How true do you think it is? Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
3 people like this
8 responses
• United States
15 Jun 09
I got the same email from a friend awhile back ago. It is too cute! And very too! My pets own my house and just let me stay her with them and pay the bills for them. Aren't they sweet !
• United States
15 Jun 09
Wow, my spelling was horrible. I meant: It's very true! and they let me stay here.
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Is it EVER true! Especially the parts about the bed and the bathroom. And the kissing and the dishes... I think I'm going to copy that message and put it on my door. My kitties love me unconditionally; well, as long as I feed them when they want me to and pet them when THEY want to be petted and stay seated when they want to be on my lap, but you get the idea. They don't care if I have a bad day and don't put any make-up on or if my hair's a mess or if I don't do the dishes. As long as I'm at their beck and call I'm fine with them...lol! Annie
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
9 Jun 09
I have got this several times I think its great and the last the people that visit me better like dogs or else. Now I just might put the dog where they wont bite nessary visitors.
@Loen210 (1540)
• United States
12 Jun 09
:o) Thanks for posting. But I like the ending numbered tips/statements the most: "TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:..." Several of the main postings, tisk on that poster ;o) as our animals SHOULD have the rights to many of those. ;o) Cheers! And P.S. Don't you think that this message should also come with the second half written BY the very animal to the very same human??
@Reesers (1387)
• United States
9 Jun 09
This is so funny! And oh so true! There have been mornings when I've awakened to find myself trapped in bed because one animal is pushed up against me taking up one side and the is doing the same with the opposite side. That or my cat will hold me down. He likes to sleep on my chest. Thanks for posting this. I had to send it along to some of my friends.
• United States
8 Jun 09
That's great! I have a king sized bed that hubby and I fight for space on with the cats who DO attempt to take as much space as possible - and we can't sleep without them, wouldn't even want to try. LOL I should post the bit for the non-pet people on my door as well.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Hi Whiteheather! I've seen this before and yeah, it is funny!! It also tells me that someone has had much time on their hands to think this up but yeah, it is funny and it does hold a lot of truth to it! lol Thanks for sharing!! Hope you're doing alright. Good to see you!!
@nova1945 (1612)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Loved it! And so true. I may copy that notice for the door and post it myself. I can relate to almost every one.