Do you like having your mate be friends with your friends ?
By trinee
@trinee (514)
Trinidad And Tobago
6 responses
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I do like the idea of my man being frieds with my friends. I mean I would be spending a lot of time with them especially my best friend and I would want them to get along enough that my man will be there by my side without feeling like he didn't belong. I would like to be friends with his friends too because they are important to him and are a part of his life and I want to know all I can because I love him so much.
@carlas (198)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I understand that you want your friends and your boyfriend to get along, but in my situation, my friend and boyfriend got along too well, to the point when they were hanging out without me. And of course, started this secret relationship, that did not include me.
@trinee (514)
• Trinidad And Tobago
8 Jun 09
Yikes...Now.. that is a situation. I am really sorry that happened to you. As much as I would like to share friends with my mate and even be close with some of them, I believe that it is also necessary for me to have friends who like my mate but are my friends. Sometimes people can lose their identity in a relationship and because they share every single thing with their mate. They end up feeling like they don't have a life! i have never experienced that myself but I have heard a lot of people talk about it. Now... I am not saying this in a negative way but there are some people who can share everything with their mate and there are others who would like a little independence. It depends on the situation as usual.
@carlas (198)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Back in high school I had this problem. I had mutual friends with my boyfriend. All guys of course, but they were super-close to both me and my boyfriend. It was really hard, because the guys would all tell me that "I was too good for him" and tried to tell me that he was kind of a scumbag, but at the same time, when i stopped dating him, I rarely spent time with these friends. It seems like a big sacrifice to get to close to your significant others friends, because basically- once he's gone, they are gone too.
And on the flip side, my friends were still friends with this guy, and they would defend him in certain situations and as we know- that's not what friends are for.
@trinee (514)
• Trinidad And Tobago
8 Jun 09
Well that is another point and a good one. When you have mutual friends, it seems like when you have an argument, they sometimes take sides instead of allowing you to work out your stuff or they feel like they are in the middle of it because they are friends with both of you. it can be an awkward situation.
@georginaswift86 (111)
•
9 Jun 09
I do think you are slightly neurotic but then again, I agree with this.
Mainly, I don't want my boyfriend to be friends with my friends and I have no interest in being friends with his. I think that this is normal, wanting many aspects of your life so that there is always somewhere to escape to.
You don't want to be annoyed at person A and not be able to vent about this to person B. If they know each other and have any kind of relationship with each other, it makes this very difficult to do so.
I like to have the different areas of my life packed in a box and when things get mixed together, it gets complicated. Lol :)
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Well... Considering I don't have too many friends outside of my relationship with my girlfriend, I wouldn't really care... She does know all my friends, as little of friends I have, & I think I know most of her friends... Of course that's not counting my co-workers... I do talk to some co-workers but I wouldn't really consider them my friends... As far as her friends go, I don't personally know all of them but I "know of them"... And I have spoken to most of them on the phone... Most of friends we have, doesn't matter who's friend they started out with, they've become now "our" mutual friends... I've said this before in a relationship related topics but for me, it's more of comfort thing... I'm too lazy to try to explain how I know the person, when & where I met the person, etc... When my girlfriend & I met, one of the first I did was, as so many other people may have done, take her to hang out with friends of mine... Just a night out with bunch of friends & hanging out talking... Now she knows... She doesn't have to wonder who the person is when I tell her, "I'm hanging out with ....." She knows exactly who that is... I like it that way... I like the fact that she knows just about everything about me, including my friends...
@anotherxidentity (1434)
• United States
9 Jun 09
I actually love when my partner is friends with the people that I hang out with on a daily basis and what not. It makes it easier to do group dates and to bring him along with I'm hanging out with everyone because therefore he doesn't feel like the third wheel. Plus, nobody feels awkward and it isn't like OMG she has to bring the boyfriend - its oh hey its just another one to add to the group. Of course he isn't always around and therefore there are times where its just me and my friends which is what all relationships need - but I don't think someone should purposely shelter their partner away from their friends for selfish reasons thinking he's going to take them away and you aren't going to spend time with them etc.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
8 Jun 09
I have had friends that started off just mine then they ended up being mine and my friends friends.I do find it nice to have joint friends but i do like my very own friends as well.Its not that i get jealous about my friends being friends with my own friends but it is not the same as having your own friend who do not socialize with your other friends.
