which more painful: emotional or physical torture?

@cainam (493)
Philippines
June 11, 2009 1:24am CST
i've experienced both and it's more painful to be emotionally battered. bruises will be gone after few days but the pain inside will never heal easily. i feel really worhtless and depress everytime my boyfriend hurts me emotionally. broken promises, unwanted words, just name all the bad things a boyfriend may do to his girlfriend i've already done with it. he does'nt have a job for almost 2 years and i'm the one working for us..it's really hard and i hope that my daughters will ever meet a guy like him.. if you'll ask why i can't break up with, it's simply because i love. stupid i am but there are lots of women like me.
5 people like this
51 responses
@mahanjili (105)
• India
11 Jun 09
for me i cant tolerate any kind of torture. I feel physical is more painful. Bcoz emotional torture can be overcomed through positive thinking.
• United States
11 Jun 09
Positive thinking, that is the right state of mind to get through any of life's short comings.
@daliaj (5681)
• India
11 Jun 09
I don't have to think twice to answer this question. I will say emotional torture is more painful. It might be because I am not getting many physical tortures. I even tell my husband, you can hit or beat me, but please don't behave in such a way that it affects me mentally. If he strts beating, I might change my view. Lol.
• Philippines
11 Jun 09
Yes, actually i agree that emotional torture is more painful. However, on a second thought, if you are beaten by the one you love, i think you are not just hurt physically but also emotionally--thinking that the one you love can do that harsh thing to you.
@sugarlen (138)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Hi cainam, altho you are pertaining to a relationship but we can relate this kind of experience in a married life.. so let me quote what I have read from Kuya Rene's book on "Spiritiual Reality" (Rene Mariano is a well-known psychic in the Philippines - www.renemariano.net - Philippine tel. no. 632-8436346) "Yes, sad events can occur in your marriage. Often this happens when you are too emotionally dependent on your loved one, expecting that person to always make you happy. As a result, your mate will feel strangled and burdened by you, so disgust and anger will color your relationship with that particular individual. Hence, a third party can come into your live and wreak havoc to your relationship, and then to your split up." "I tell you, no one among you should expect happiness from anyone. What you think as happiness in a relationship is just pleasures of the senses, which can never be lasting." "True happiness comes from within your own soul" - what do you think of this learning?
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
13 Jun 09
I guess it does depend on what type of physical or emotional torture you are referring to and what I can give is my opinion only which I cannot prove to be fact but just what I believe. I cannot say that I have experienced being physically tortured although I have certainly experienced extreme pain in my body and as far as emotional pain I think I have had my share since childhood because I went form an emotionally abusive childhood to emotionally sadistic relationships and I can honestly say that hurt feelings cut deep and the pain is long lasting and intense and the damage is permanent. Your boyfriend does not sound as though he appreciates you. You say you love him and I have two questions for you; is he worthy of your love and do you love him more than you love yourself? I don’t know him but it sounds to me as though you deserve to be with someone who loves, respects you and treats you like the special woman that you are; he is out there I know it, you just have to free yourself first. You should be with a man who will take care of you. Sometimes just because you love someone it is not enough...
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
13 Jun 09
I have experienced both and it took me years to forgive and forget, today thanks goodness Im free! to me there is no excuse for any one to torture and mistreat a loved one, once a person is abusive it will stay that way it wont change. No love can survive abuse, if I were you I would get out of there fast! the next time you get hurt may be your last, think of your girls. I wish you the best and I HOPE you make the best decision for you and your girls after all you and them deserve the best don't you think?
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
For emotional pain is more painful as physical pain like bruises can cure with medication but emotional pain is not. The memories is still there, when we are sad all the saddest days that comes to our lives will come back too. It is easy to forgive not to forget. About your experience you will learned from that. I hope so.
@jugsjugs (13038)
12 Jun 09
I know exactly what you are saying i used to be in a relationship like that.Now i am in a marriage that is always arguing and he is always making me feel worthless and he makes me feel so unloved.Everytime he uses hurtfull words it used to be i was thinking perhaps he is right,until one day i was on the phone and a friend of mine heard him and all of a sudden she started paying me compliments.Then i going out with a few of my female friends and it gave me a bit of a lift to my self asteme.Anti depressents are not the answer and i am never going to feel a worthless person ever again.Im still married,we have 6 children so it is not the case where as you can just walk away.
• United States
12 Jun 09
I agree. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words leave permanent damage.I hope either he can change his ways or you get the strength to leave.Take Care.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
12 Jun 09
Emotional torture is far worst then physical torture in my opinion. I suffer from depression and when i have one of my 'turns' i hurt so much inside. I literally just want to die because of the pain i feel inside. I've never been physically abused so i don't know exactly what its like, but we all get hit/hurt sometimes, and although painful, you can sort-of block some of it out. (All to do with psychological effects mainly).
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
12 Jun 09
Hands down is mentally abuse, as a kid I was both mentally abused and physically abused. Don't get me wrong they are both wrong and you can get Post traumatic stress disorder from both of these. But it seems the mentally abuse stays with you longer than the physical abuse does.
• India
12 Jun 09
Yes,there are lot of women like you in this world. But i salute you for your kind heart and your courage to still go on forward with such type of life. Emotional torture is what never heels. Even if it does, it does come back at some point or the other. Anyways, I hope that everything goes fine between you too and god bless you.
@whyaskq (7529)
• Singapore
12 Jun 09
I do agree emotional pain is more painful compared to physical torture. It takes great emotional courage to endure emotional pain and this emotional baggage can trigger even when one least expect it unlike physical torture which will recover after a while. Emotional pain need not be love. It can also be hatred.
12 Jun 09
I am being also in trouble with the emotiaonal problems lately. I broke up with my boyfriend. we have made friend for almost 5 years. finally, however, we broke up due to he falls in love the other girl. i am so sad that i can not concentrate on anything. i felt my heart paitful and will never heal easily.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
12 Jun 09
Why do you want to love someone who hurts you? You say you dont want your daughters to meet someone like him? You staying with him are actually showing them that its ok to be with one like him. They are learning about life by your example. I believe they would be better off with out a male figure in their everyday life. Especially one that is abusive.
• Malta
12 Jun 09
I understand the emotional pain and that can tear a person really from the inside. Some people make relationships very difficult and they can ruin a person's smile. I have never experienced physical torture, but I know what emotional pain is and it is a terrible feeling, especially when people try to break you down.
@trose7 (247)
• United States
12 Jun 09
It depends on how bad the torture is. Being whipped and beating would be worse then being made fun of, but punched would be better then being lied to by a loved one.
• India
12 Jun 09
Surely emotional torture! Physical pain can never be even comparable to emotional!
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
12 Jun 09
I think emotional torture is worse, mainly because the effects last long after the abuse has happened. Our minds are so strong that we can withstand a lot of things physically if our mental state is healthy. The opposite is true that if our mental state is not good, it can affect us physically and even cause diseases. I to have experienced both and I can't even tell you anything about the physical abuse because I don't even recall what happened. I can almost tell you in great detail every single emotional abuse I have endured, even from childhood which was 40+ years ago. As far as loving stupid, yeah I been there done that. You have a lot of company in that club!
@grammasnook (1875)
• United States
12 Jun 09
The answer to this is easy DEFINATELY the physical. Sounds crazy? Well along with physical you also get emotional, but with emotional you dont get physical. As for the situation you are in my friend, look in the mirror and realize you love yourself. When you are emotionally or physically abused what ends up happening is that they twist the love we have for them into something that makes us sick. I have encountered it in the past and it took a long time for me to realize what a master manipulator he was. He beat down my self esteem using the love I had for him. After finally leaving him I realized he was the one with the low self esteem and he just dragged me down with him. No words I can say can help you to change your mind, but I pray that you find the courage to love yourself once again Good luck my friend and take care
@derek_a (10894)
12 Jun 09
I am sorry to hear of your pain. As a therapist I would say that the mind and body works very closely together - they are coordinated. Physical torture brings stress the mind, and mental torture, when constantly applied, through the nervous system of the body causes strain on the physical system. For instance, it has been discovered that there is a strong connection between stress and heart disease and other illnesses. It is very difficult when a romance breaks up and one of the partners is still in the love. Talking with trusted friends and family will help you move on. It is a lesson that most of us have endured (both male and female), and the most powerful healing force is moving on. After a break-up, with each relationship, we find ourselves more cautious, but nobody can predict how we are going to feel 1 month, 5 months or a year into the future. We are best served if we look around us here and now, and connect with life that is around us. - Derek