Why does it hurt?
By michelegml
@michelegml (55)
Malaysia
June 12, 2009 4:05pm CST
I have a good friend and we started from intimacy then became good friends and after a few years we ended up having some intimacy once in a blue moon and still as good friends. He knows I love him and he is scared to lose me one day but I told him that I want someone to take care of me one day eventually and I even wish him that he will find someone who will love him for him and not his money. I know I am not Miss Universe and not like in my younger years . I mean we live together in the same roof but just good friends and he expects me to look after him and not wanting to have something more with me. What should I do? I mean I was joking to my girlfriend about finding me a man and he ask why do I ask for a man? I mean I am a woman and I want some love and touch too not just friends only. I am after all human and I dont know what else to think anymore. I mean no matter what happens we will already be able to hurt either one of us or both even. He has to realise one day if I do find myself a boyfriend I wont be able to look after him in that sense anymore and he seems to have overlooked that part or maybe just my assumption. He said one of his biggest fear is losing me one day and also he said I am the only person who knows the closest to him completely . I dont know anymore. What do you think? Thanks for any advice given.
3 responses
@momiecat (997)
• United States
12 Jun 09
You start out by saying he is a "good friend". Is that what the relationship is, or is it boyfriend/girlfriend or prospective spouse. It sounds as though you put the cart before the horse as the old saying goes. Meaning that intimacy first does not always make for a good long-lasting relationship. It is also a matter of what each of you wants in your life. If you want a husband, then it sounds like you might have to go elsewhere to find one. I think it is a bad choice to start a relationship on a physical basis (and I have done that too) and expect it to get better from there. A long-lasting relationship starts from a friendship and blossoms into a more deeper relationship with time. You may think you love him but what are your reasons for saying this? He apparently is not helping to fulfill all your needs and desires and/or the two of you do not have the same goals for your lives. I would not let his "fear of losing you" hold you captive in a relationship that does not make you happy. He sounds like he enjoys being taken care of but is not willing to do what it takes to care for you.
@eileenleyva (27562)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
Michelegml, please wake up. Every man needs a housemaid to do the cooking, the washing, the marketing, and all the household chores, including bed activity. If you willingly give it for free, of course he would say he is afraid to lose you. Who is going to do all the menial things for him. He is having a comfortable life. A friend does not take advantage of of the friendship. If he loves you, he would have moved on to the next level like court you and propose to you and get married. Nope, it is not friendship at all, how can it be love?
@michelegml (55)
• Malaysia
23 Aug 09
yes you are so right. I understand what you are saying. I guess I was just in denial with myself knowing the reality of the things. Thank you for waking me up. Appreciate it.
@eLsMarie (4346)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
hi michelegml... do you think that what he's doing to you is fair? if he's your friend like what you've been telling us then i don't think that he's only after of his own happiness by manipulating you... you deserve to be happy with somebody else not with someone who leaves you hanging. you're no committed so he has no right of making your life miserable and even if you have a relationship, no one has the right to just play on to others' feelings. think about yourself. don't waste your time&attention for someone not worth it. :)
