As the day draws closer my daughter will be going to jail.

United States
June 12, 2009 4:10pm CST
I have 4 more days to stew about the fact that my 16 year old "baby" will be going to jail. On Tuesday she will go to court and after 6 months of warning her to straighten up her act maybe she will finally " Get It" At the end of last year her father and I had to start the process of putting her into the court system as a Juvenile delinquent. She has two years of high school behind her and should have at least 12 credits but she has only 5 and I am shocked she even has the 5. I drop her off every morning at the school and pick her up afterward on my way too and from work But somewhere along the line she ditches school. This has been going on since grade school when I had to literally escort her into the principals office to try to keep her in school. She is one out of control teen and I hate to admit I will feel better when she is locked up. I am concerned for her naturally but I want so much for this to finally sink in. She is so disrespectful to her father and I that I feel like a visitor in my own home. I come home from work and go to my bedroom so I do not have to put up with her whining and manipulating. If she does not get her way she slams doors and stomps around the house yelling. So as I fearfully and regrettably look forward to Tuesday morning I will be saying all my prayers in hopes that this will finally do the trick to change her life and make her a productive member of society.
5 people like this
15 responses
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
Honestly, I am speechless. I decided to post this response because I want to tell you that I understand the hardship you are feeling right now. I really hope that after this, a better life will be awaiting your daughter and the rest of the family. My prayers are with you and your family.
• United States
13 Jun 09
I am speechless as well. I am so amazed at all the responses I have received. I was expecting maybe two or three comments and I also felt they would all be negative towards me. It must be my own guilty feelings for allowing her to get her way for far too long. Thank you for the prayers and the support. It means more than I can say.
1 person likes this
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
17 Jun 09
You just take all steps one at the time. Take care.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
13 Jun 09
A friend of mine had a similar problem, he would drive his daughter to school, she would walk in the front door and out the back door. He took her to psychologist and psychiatrist, to no avail. He made her a ward of the court after she set his apartment on fire. He went through this for years. He got to a point where he refused to talk about her. He also has a son with similar problems who did eventually out grow them. He was a nice guy and did not deserve this. I have another friend who had real nightmares with her kid, he came after her daughter with scissors to kill her, in and out of hospitals and homes and nothing changed him. I hope you do ok, please keep us informed.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Jun 09
Oh my!!! she set the apartment on fire. I feel like I don't have it so bad after all. My daughter has kicked out door panels and cut through screens but no fires. My daughter sleeps with a hammer under her mattress which I have removed often because I worry about her getting into her head to attack her father and myself. Do I really believe she will do that? No I Do Not Think So. It is a concern to me though. As this moves forward I will keep everyone posted. Thank you for the support.
• India
13 Jun 09
Have you tried meditation? I know this sounds weird for a 16y.o but from your replies to other responses, I see that your daughter has been diagnosed for ADD and is on medics for a long time...yet that has not helped. She seems to be highly charged most of the times and jail necessarily will not do the trick, rather she will have another excuse to hold her grudge against her parents. She needs a calming influence and a soothing touch to her...encourage her to join a yoga or meditation class. Since she hates school, try for other vocational training options for her future career, something she will enjoy doing.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 09
I will look into the meditation idea. I have never considered this and I am interested in the thought. Thank you for the suggestion. If this works I will be posting a discussion on that.
1 person likes this
@smn1022 (45)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I sorry about your daughter going to jail, but you can't really help someone that doesn't want to be help (Yes, a cliche response). You should stop trying to control her and just her crash and let her suffer the consequences.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 09
I have been trying for so long to get her to realize that every choice we make has consequences but she is 16 and feels like she is untouchable. Letting her crash and burn is so very hard to sit back and watch. Even when I know it is what is best. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Hi purple, I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru all this. I know how difficult and heartbreaking it can be to have a kid that just seems determined to do things that are harmful to themselves. It is hard to imagine a 16 yr old behind bars. Still from all you wrote, she does sound as if she needs an awakening. Let's hope this helps to bring her around. Also, I'm sure you've probably already had her checked for some sort of mental illness but if not, maybe it could help. Sounds as if she may be bi-polar or something?? It does sound as if she may need some sort of help. Best of luck to you and your family on this.
• United States
14 Jun 09
Yes sid I had her checked back in Kindergarten when she disturbed the class by clucking like a chicken many times. I have had her in therapy and medicated since I can remember. The therapist I should say psychiatrist she has now is retiring( probably from all my money) and I am in search of a new doctor. I believe the medication combination is working because Her behavior has improved and I always try to tell her she has to take control of herself as well as let the medication work. Thank you for all your thoughts.
@reckon21 (3484)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
This is very sad for you and for your husband too. Clearly she suffered those illness and she has to live her life for the time being behind bars. I just hope she will be able to control herself. I will pray and wish your family the best for her.
• United States
13 Jun 09
Thank you I really feel like a family is our safe haven and I want mine to be whole again.
1 person likes this
@latsmom (824)
13 Jun 09
My prayers are with you also. I am sorry that your daughetr has gone off the rails and hope that my little girls do not follow the same route but it is something that could happen to any of us so dont blame yourself. At 16 your daughter is responsible for her own actions and as you have felt so uncomfortable in your own home it is goo dthat she is being taught a lesson now and should hopefully give you a welcome break and your daughetr will realise what she has when she is in prison. They say you dont know what you have till its gone so with any luck she will come back with more respect, but let her know that she is only welcome to return to the family home under your rules. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Best wishes. Sharon
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 09
I agree the break will be very welcome. No more worrying where she is at 2 in the morning. No more sleepless nights because I know she will be in a safe place and I hope she will be thinking about what has brought her to this point. My fear is that she will connect with more girls worse than her or even more frightening that she will be taken down a notch or two by the other girls. Maybe those nights will still be sleepless after all.
1 person likes this
@o0jopak0o (6405)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
well i just hope she learns something good. A "big bump to the head" can sometimes help straightening someones life but it can also go either way
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 09
Thank you. I too hope this is a hard lesson but a learned one.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
13 Jun 09
As the day draws nearer......... Hello friend, sorry to hear about your misfortune and what you've had to go through in dealing with your disrespectful daughter. I hate to hear about anyone having to go to jail but you are right, some people are better off there because at least you will know she can't get into much trouble. I think it must be something going around with the young folks because most of them think that they can act as they want and do as they want. Mine wanted me to let him hang out at the mall today with a friend. When I told him no he wanted to get mad and throw a fit, well I figured there was plenty of things that I wanted to do too when I was growing up but I couldn't hardly do any of it and guess what, it didn't kill me. Nobody said that we had to give our children everything they ask for. If they get mad with us for a while, they will get over it, I believe in tough love but not too tough, maybe deep down I"m a softie but if you can't handle them then you do have to take more drastic measures. I'll keep you in prayer friend, take care.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 09
Thank you for your prayers. It seems like everyday there is a different struggle. She just asked me to drive her to another city to pick one of her friends up. I told her no. I said I am now relaxing and working on the computer after spending 5 hours outside working in the hot sun. She of course stomped away and slammed her bedroom door. She feels like the whole world owes her something. What is it with kids???? It is hard for me to be extra firm with her and that is where it all started. Your prayers are appreciated and welcomed.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jun 09
If this has been happening since grade school, it sounds like alot more going on with your child. She could've had ADD, or some learning disability that kept her from wanting or at least excepting that she had to go to school. I would've sent her to a child psychologist way back when to see if there was anything wrong. You've certainly have a long road ahead of you, if she's been this rebellious since grade school. She needs help, not necessarily jail.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jun 09
Indeed she has been diagnosed as ADHD and bipolar with psychotic tendencies. She has been in therapy for about 7 years now and medicated for well over 10 years. I feel the medication does help but for some reason she does not feel that any rules apply to her. We tried electronic monitor on her but she just broke all those rules and because the court order she was put on initially made it impossible to do anything we had to pile up a bunch of offenses in order to get to this point. I know it sounds cruel and I hate myself for thinking jail is the only option left. By the way we are only talking about 7 days in child detention. I have had so much heart break from this child when all I want is to see her succeed. Thank you for your comments I appreciate your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2590)
• India
19 Jun 09
Hello purple I just read your story.Its so heartbreaking that you have to take such steps for your daughter.I wish she will learn her lessons very soon.And Book i do feel for you.You are a good person.Stay the same.
• United States
26 Jun 09
Thank you I need all the support from mylotters.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Your daughter sounds a lot like my baby brother. My mom dropped him to school after making him a nice breakfast. The boy would just turn around and hang with his friends. It was devastating to my mom, but he eventually matured and settled down so I know your daughter will be alright. God bless you and your family.
• United States
18 Jun 09
Oh thank you so much. It helps me to think that this will turn out good in the long run. I believe she is not evil, just misguided. She wants all fun all the time and no work for it.
@klw5000 (213)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Kids just don't get it anymore. Last night we booked a 16yr old in for Armed Robbery and Kidnapping. I've been working in a jail for 10yrs and see it everyday. It's such a shame that no matter how much parents try to do for them and teach them they still think they know it all.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jun 09
This is too scary. Even though my daughter skips school and will be going to jail she is not a BAD girl in the sense that she hasn't done anything terrible like armed robbery and kidnapping. I am hopeful that I have this caught before her behavior gets to that point. I too had problems last night. The police came to the house when at 2:30 I woke up and my daughter was out in the backyard with 7 of her friends. Her father told them to leave and all but one young lady left. I continually told her to have her friend leave and she had all kinds of pitiful excuses. But Mom she can't get into her house, But mom she can't walk home alone, Ok Mom I am going to walk her home myself. WHAT??? and then my daughter has to walk home alone? At such an hour??? Just as we got to this point the police showed up. I had called them earlier when going through all the BUT Mom's. So the young lady takes off running (God knows I hope she made it home safely) and our house finally went to sleep. So what do I do next? any suggestions? I can't have her friends here without the parents permission and I have explained that to her over and over again. She just doesn't think far enough ahead. She wants it all her way, and I just can't live with that anymore. So I have to hope that a little stay in the local juvenile detention center will force a wake up on her.
@TrvlArrngr (4051)
• United States
31 Aug 10
Do you have an update? How is she now? My son is 16 and you described him to the letter! I am a prisoner to him. I had him in the court system last year but they said he was not bad enough. Now I fear he is so I have to go down again and try to reopen the case.
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
26 Jun 09
I hope that if she goes to the child detention center that it will help her. Do they have a counseling program that they will offer her? It seems that kids think that they are beyond rules and it is sad. Teens have no respect for elders or parents and it is sad. I wonder what went wrong from our generation to theirs. If I had slammed doors and yelled at my parents, I would have gotten my behind whipped. I guess it is politically incorrect to spank,but they sure need it.