Borrowing money

@sikat101 (149)
Philippines
June 15, 2009 1:23am CST
I know someone who is in the red right now and that person wants to borrow money from us. I have lent money to this person before and the loan was never paid back. The person is family that is why we were lenient. Now that they are in trouble again, they want to borrow money from us again. We have said we have nothing to lend already but they still keep on asking us. It is quite a pity but we think it is time for them to learn some lessons. We knew they have a lot before but they never planned ahead so now they are having trouble. Do you think we were selfish? Because I don't think we are. We work hard for our money and there are several luxuries we skipped because we were cautious. It is unfair that they get to use our money to save themselves. In the future when we need our money, will they be able to bail us out? I don't think so.
5 people like this
17 responses
• Canada
15 Jun 09
It's not selfish, if you only have enough for yourselves. If you are constantly hounded by this person, remind them that it bothers you, and they'll stop asking. If, however, you can spare a small amount (say less than half of the asking) and are willing to forgive this person the money, and are quite willing to give it to them, there is that option. You don't have to give away all your money, you should be able to look after yourself, and then you can give. The Bible says we should be giving 10% away, and saving 10% for leaner years. That leaves 80% of your earnings to go toward everything else! For $500 a week job (good job, eh?) that's $50 to give, and $50 to save, a total of $200 a month each!
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
That's a pretty cool job (by third world standards)if I earn $500 a week. I would easily lend them the money. The thing is I don't have a job and I am taking care of my ailing father. We try to live through his pension.
• Canada
15 Jun 09
Third world standards? What about minimum wage being $10 an hour in Canada, and most jobs now only being part time. That means 30 hours a week on minimum wage, making $300 a week before taxes. That's what my friend at Tim Horton's gets for serving your morning coffee. By those standards, $500 a week, is a $15 an hour job full time, after taxes (40X15=600-100=500) I would call $15 an hour a good job, wouldn't you?
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
Oh, with a weekly income of $500 in the Philippines, you'll live like a king! Minimum wage is around $8 a day.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Have they told you why there were not able to pay you back the first money they owed you? If not, then it seems that they are just using you to bail them out of their problem. It has been a common practice that before you can borrow , you need to have paid at least 90% of what you owed. I do not believe that you are being selfish. I believe that you are just being wiser. You work hard for you money, and make sacrifices not to have insant gratification. You can only give as much. I think you have done that part.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
I never asked them for my money back. I was too shy to ask it from them. This is the irony. The creditor is too embarrassed to ask the debtor for the money.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
My dear, don't be shy to ask for payment. At least, by asking them, you would know why they could not pay you back. If you think that they are giving you legit answers, then ok, that is fine. Just the same, save something for yourself.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I have to say that you are no where close to being selfish. I in fact have a relative that is always asking us for a small loan cause her boyfriend is in jail. My hubby and I have no money so we tell her that we can't help and yet she keeps calling. The thing is that she still owes people money and on top of that she has never gave our movies back. I figure that we need to think about our children and family. So no you were not selfish, in fact you were playing it smart. I think that for all the people that is always helping people out that never gets their money should think of them self for once and not worry about whether or not they are doing it for the good or not.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
It is indeed frustrating that you can't enjoy the fruits of your labor because someone else is just waiting for you to lend them the money.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
17 Jun 09
Exactly, well I hope that everything works out for you. Good Luck and Happy Mylotting
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
no, i dont think you are selfish... but what made them lose what they had before? there are things to be considered when trying to help people. if they are really alzy and all they do is just asked for help and do nothing about their situation then people should not bother helping them as they have to learn to stand by themselves... but if they are doing all they can and still have gotten no luck, i think it would be alright to extend a helping again even though that person havent paid what he owed the last time. i know someone who is like that, who really worked hard but cant get enough, its seems like he's having bad luck all the time. he dont ask for help though as he is not the type to ask and he just wish someone would really help him, without the need to ask for help, or borrow money, knowing he had siblings who are well off, another one is helping him, but its not really that much...
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
I think 'living beyond their means' made them lose what they had before. They got used to their lifestyle when the husband was still earning. When he retired and had major heart surgery, it took a dent on their savings but they still had more than enough but they never changes their lifestyle. They kept on buying things like clothes, still traveling for leisure and often invite friends to the house for small parties. They were still doing this even after they borrowed money from us.
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
if that was the case, i think it is just right for you not to lend them any... they have to learn to stand on their own and learn to 'tighten the belt' as we say it here, to be able to survive. and they should also learn how to use the money wisely. how to budget and spend it wisely.
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
I don't think it's selfish at all. We have helped them once and they can't expect us to help them every time they're in need. They must learned to be independant. I also have the same experience before. Lend money to a friend who faced with some financial difficulty and she had 5 kids. Later i found out that she took the money to gamble. Since then I didn't lend any money to them anymore.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Some people are just irresponsible.
@candy2306 (577)
• India
16 Jun 09
Hi, at a glance of your topic, lots of memories flying back to me about this 1 particular friend of mind who always have no money to eat! He used to keep borrowing and borrowing, cleanly saying its for food. Ofcourse, I didn't mind giving him the money to buy food! Till I caught him red-handed with a lottery ticket! All this while, he had money for food and non to buy the ticket, therefore, he kinda' looted me! But this incident is deinitely not relating to all.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
That is horrible. I am one of those people who would freely lend money for food. I can't stand letting people go hungry. This relative of mine is also into lottery. In the past 9 years, he has spent a fortune on the lottery.
• United States
16 Jun 09
I would not loan money out to somebody unless thaey had paid me back the money I had previously loaned them . Plus our ecomomy is not doing goo a all and you proably would want to save what ever you can for the future .You are not Bank of "sikat101" so they are just going to have to be understanding that you cant keep bailingf you out .Plus if you do it this time ...just one more time they think that you will keep doing it then you will be in the same situation they are
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
That is so true. I am not a bank!
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
If they need the money badly and you're the only one they can run to for help, you may give them for the second time with an advise for them to do something to earn as next time you might not be able to give them again. The feeling is great once we do help, for sure they would be much grateful to you once their problem was solved. You can give them partial amount or what you can afford to, they would take your kindness as a debt of gratitude, should they won't be able to pay you back soon, others will do or God will, maybe in form of other blessings. Don't reserve your money for something negative in the future, you're generosity can save you for any untoward incident. Of course I understand we must have savings so once we maybe in need we'll not be borrowing from others. Though it's better to give than to receive. Of course you still have the final say, this is just an opinion, hope you won't take this as a negative response.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
If only they'll be honest with us with total amount of their debt and how this thing happened, then we can all pool our help together as a family. But right now, we do not see change in their ways. The husband still betting on the lottery every single day. If we add up the money he spent on the lottery for the past nine years, the amount can buy a new car.
@zpendam (132)
• Indonesia
16 Jun 09
no you're not selfish. But you're stingy :). no just joking, you need to help your family no matter what because it's your family :)!
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Together with another family member, we were often labeled as stingy. And yet, we are the ones who save them of their financial troubles. I think they abused the 'family-privileges'.
@kprofgames (3100)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I don't think it's being selfish at all. First, you borrowed money to them before and they never paid it back. That right there says that they don't repsect others. Family is the worst when it comes to that and that is why I don't do it either. Second, you stated they are in trouble again for not planning ahead. Well sorry to say, but who do they think they really are that everyone else has to bail them out of the problems they created? All in all they aren't responsible and expect others to take care of them. I say they need to grow up. Lesson learned, you make a good point there and it's not a bad thing either. If they want to spend their money like adults, then they should learn to manage it like an adult. You are not selfish. It is the difference between appreciating what you work for and someone that doesn't want to take responsiblity for what they are spending.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Some people never learn. They are way older than I am yet they never learned. I think they are used to being bailed out by family.
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
I think you're just being prudent. You're basing your decision on a past experience with this person. Maybe people do deserve a second chance, but the question is whether you can afford to risk that second chance. Not a lot of us are in the position to comfortably test other people's integrity. If that's money that you're potentially never gonna see again, then it has to be money that you don't need.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
They been bailed out by different family member before. This is not just the second chance.
• United States
15 Jun 09
First, I think that when you prepare to lend money to friends/family you have to give it and not expect it back. Second, I think you have to look at why they need the money, why are they in any kind of money related trouble? Third, you let them borrow money before? Why were they in trouble before? If it's for the same reason, most likely it will happen again and again. It's not worth putting your financial future at risk because of someone else's mistakes, even if they are family. Lastly, if they keep bothering you about the money, even after you have said you do not have any to give, simple state that you are in debt as well, say you understand their position and are doing your best to get yourself out of the same position. Granted this is lying to someone you care about, but in the end by them learning to get themselves on their own feet, they will be much better off.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
They were in a money-related trouble before and by lending them the money, we hoped that it will fix their trouble. It ballooned. It was just disappointing that helping them did not help much at all. Now, we want to help them help themselves by telling us everything- what truly happened. Then, we can look at what they can do to be able to pay their creditors. But they are keeping the problems to themselves. All we get is seeing their smug and sad faces.
• United States
15 Jun 09
I don't think it's selfish at all. THere are some people who think things should be handed to them and don't have to work for anything. You work hard for your money and you should be able to save it or have fun with it, not let someone else have fun with it. It's nice having extra cash but you can't always go crazy with it, you have to be smart. Just because your relative wasn't smart with their money doesn't mean you should bail them out and use your "spare" money help them, espcially since they didn't pay you back before.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
I just feel we were selfish sometimes because when they were loaded they showered us with gifts. But we did not ask for those gifts! We once bought a fridge from them since my mother insisted on paying for it. If my mother did not insist, it would have been given to us freely. Now as I reflect on their current situation, I feel that they were giving us gifts before to show us they can afford things.
@heihong (59)
• China
15 Jun 09
I think you are not selfish. It is the right way to treat your own money seriously.There is an old Chinese saying that To Help People Who Are Really In Emergency, Not In Poverty. According to what you described,the person's attitude on money and future decides his present status,he deserves it. Of course if your ecnomy allowed,you.....
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
That Chinese saying says it all. If this were a health-related emergency, we won't think twice about helping.
@momiecat (997)
• United States
15 Jun 09
When it comes to money, it is best to protect what you have even if it means saying no to relatives. If you felt they were responsible and not abusing the privilege of borrowing from you and paid you back, then okay, you could consider loaning them money again. You are not being selfish. I think you are being wise and responsible with your money. You already gave them one chance. If you give them more money now, you would just be responsible for continuing to "enable" them to be irresponsible with their money again. Let them go to a bank and borrow money a legitimate way rather than mooching off of family members.
@sikat101 (149)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
It was not one chance. We let them borrow several times already on the idea that we are helping family. I like your point that we only enabling them to be irresponsible with their money again.
@srganesh (6345)
• India
22 Jan 10
There is nothing related to selfish here.But whose family is that and why are they depending on your family?Do they have any rights to ask you?if they have any share,then give theirs and remain in peace.If not,you don't have any responsibility and so you can still remain in peace without any guilt.
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
30 Jul 09
It is not selfish to refuse a request from someone to borrow money when they are irresponsible financially and especially when they already owe you money. You are not responsible for an adult who is not your own child. Everyone has to deal with the consequences of their actions and family member or not this person needs to grow up.