What Outward Symbols Do You Have To Show The World You're Married?
@danishcanadian (28954)
Canada
June 15, 2009 2:55am CST
A lot of women show unity with their husband by changing their names to those of their husband's, making husband and wife Mr. & Mrs. HisName.
This tradition did not work for my husband and I. One of the more frequent questions we got from others was this.
"if you're not Mrs. Bennett, how will people know you're married?"
My contradictiong question was always this.
"If he's not Mr. Christensen, how will they know we're married?"
LOL They dind't get my point. Why are we more married of I'm Mrs. Bennett, than if he's Mr. Christensen?
He actually offered to take my name, but after thanking him I explained that I prefered he kept his, since if we were both Ms. & Mr. Christensen, people would still assume I took his name, and I didn't want that. I wanted my own name.
HOWEVER, there is NO MISTAKE that we are married.
a) Our wedding bands are gigantic! They belinged to my grandparents, and are very special to us. When we are alone, there's no denying we're married to someone, because the rings are very noticeable. When we are together, it's obvious that the rings MATCH. I have always wanted matching wedding rings. I know plenty of people with matching names, and individual wedding bands, but we decided on individual names, and matching wedding bands.
We are always introducing our partners as "my wife, my husband" and then by full name, so there are no questions about who we are, but that we are still married. We are so in love, we can't stop acting like we're married in public places, so again, there is no denying this fact.
What unique ways do you, as a married couple, have of showing the world that you ARE, in fact, married? If you're not legally married, how do you show the wolrd that you are totally, 100% committed to your partner?
1 person likes this
16 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
15 Jun 09
there wouldn't have been that question in quebec, you would not be allowed to take walker's name,
many people don't even wear rings,
so people just take their word for it or not, that is the way it is.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
17 Jun 09
I read that about Quebec, aid I think it's just GREAT! :) Didn't this come into law after the 70s, or something? My Aunt married up there, and took her husband's name, so it had to be legal at some point.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Jun 09
I believe it was 1982, I got married in the 70's and I have a right to use my husband's name which I do to this day.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
19 Jun 09
I find the irony extremely humourous, since I was born that year. Why did Quebec make this change? I'd love a little historical background on this particular law.
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@deejean06 (1952)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Hi danish...Although I did choose to change my name to my husband's I think this is just a detail. When people see you on the street they have no idea what your name is so those people who are questioning you are full of nonsense. I think there are two outward symbols and you have both: you are both wearing wedding bands and you are very loving towards each other. The first symbol is just that though - a symbol. My husband and I share the same name but have completely different bands. I don't think it makes one iota of difference - it's all in how you treat your spouse and it's obvious that you truly love each other. That's the only thing that counts!
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
19 Jun 09
I really like the point you make. Different bands, still married. Same name? Who will know that unless they learn your names? Also, two people with the same name could be brother and sister, cousins, father and daughter, mother and son, and so on, and so forth.
My mother and step-dad, and my husband and I each have a set of matching bands in our marriage.
My father and step-mom, and my sister and brother-in-law each have differing rings as their spouses.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
16 Jun 09
Before I went thru you entire post, I was just wondering about the wedding rings… I mean wedding rings make it so obvious that the person is married…this is one thing of the Christian world which I appreciate very much…both husband and wife have to wear their wedding rings and hence the entire world knows that they guy/lady is married…so no chance of cheating another person by behaving like being single. We Indians, however have this one sided affair where only the woman is expected to carry outward signs of marriage either by wearing the wedding chain, or bangles or vermillion streak on the parting of the hair or all of them together …men carry no such baggage and are free to explore the world while the wife dutifully carries her married status.
Regarding myself…I don’t wear the vermilion streak, neither the chain (which made many people think I was unmarried or a widow) but I do have a compulsory bangle on my left arm…that’s the only outward symbol that I am married.
@ShirleyBillingsley (1544)
• United States
16 Jun 09
hummmm. Now i am confused. You got married, but do not want your name changed? Why is that? That is part of being married: coming together as ONE. Not two seperate people. I don't quite understand.
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I have had his name for more than 22 years and was very proud to start using it.
We also have wedding bands to show that we are married. He had lost his and it really upset me when he would travel without a wedding band because his business is mostly women.
@iriscot (1289)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I'm afraid I would have a problem with my wife not taking my last name. If she hadn't, would people wonder and make nasty remarks about who our children are, would they take my last name or hers. After all she is the one who bore them, I only fertilized the seed. In this day and time there are too many unmarried women who are left with children to care for when the man who fertilized the seed had no intention of marrying her. If the child of a married couple took the last name of the female, he or she would probably be considered a b*st*rd, and I don't think you would want that tag hung around their neck.
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
15 Jun 09
If it isn't in your heart , it won't come out. you can have rings and changed your name but if you don't connect with your spouse, then all the outward signs will mean nothing. You know me, I think of marriage as a prison so I will never marry. So I won't have a ring to show the world my heart is his. All I can do is show him that I love him and I 'm with him by holding hands and being close.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Hmm. I'm not the marrying type, it's not secret, but I am the monagamous "want to commit to a person for life" type of girl. I've never thought about the "marking our coupledome to the world" kind of thing...mainly because I've never gotten the chance to be with a person long enough to think about that other than once (that was the relationship that I actually might've bent and considered marriage on).
I'm young, so that's not so awful really.
It's because...I never cared what the world thought of my relationships, I think. Nothing else mattered but me and who I'm with...the rest of the world might as well not exist, in the backdrop of my mind, when I'm with someone.
I suppose when the day comes to commit we'll discuss it and decide. Maybe necklaces, or armbands...rather than rings. Something that matches or goes together, so that it means something to us -- whether the world recognizes the symbols or cares or not. I reckon it may be rooted in my faith, since that's undoubtably how we'd mark our commitment, with a small ceremony in private, at home with an official party later, so the symbols might be something old. I'm not sure, I never looked up ancient languages or symbols for romantic purposes. I'm sure I'd find alot in mythology and books though.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I'll be getting married in September, and I will be taking his last name, not only because of tradition, but because I feel it is with respect and love that my name will be changed to his. We will also be wearing our wedding bands, even at work, we are both firefighters, he's structure, I'm wildland. Normally I have always taken my rings off during the fire season, but I will not take my wedding ring off and neither will he. As for our affection towards one another, there will be no mistaking that we are married.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Well, rings are a first sign of a married woman or man. She took my last name and I've got a piece of paper that says we are committed to each other but the most outward thing I do is love her in front of people I don't know. I hold hands, open car doors, I try to sit next to her when we go out to dinner but my daughter is too messy and I sit with my son. One day I went to get some new watch batteries for a couple of watches that weren't keeping good time. I went in the store first and then my wife came in with the kids, the lady asked if we were "together" I'm sure to ask if she could help my wife with something business related. I spoke up and said "Yes, 10 years". Everybody laughed, even the kids.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I took his name, partly because I hated my own. I don't have a wedding band yet, just an engagement ring. I think my 5 kids is the biggest sign that I'm married. Sure, that doesn't always mean anything in today's society, but you can be sure no man will flirt with me when I have my 5 kids in tow!
He does have a wedding band of course, and even if he takes it off, he's still wearing it because of the tan lines!
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
We always wear our wedding rings. Aside from material symbolism we both know that other people will notice that we're married when we stop going out too often with friends, not as much as before. We always travel in pair, coz its quite odd to see a a guy who's married to travel on his own, the first question is always, "where is your wife?" It seems their lives are connected and bond and can never be broken even on small incidents like that.
@phyrre (2317)
• United States
16 Jun 09
This is a wonderful question. My mother thinks exactly the same way you do. She never wanted to be a "Mrs" because she figures she has her own name and she's proud of it. She was actually quite disappointed when I told her that I was taking my husband's name because she said she raised me better than that. I told her it was ok...I was only taking his name because I owned him anyway, so it was really my name to begin with. xD She seemed to be ok with that.
Anyway, I think it's wonderful that you have your grandparents' rings. I always wanted to do that...but my grandparents are still alive...and they are very adverse to giving up their wedding rings while they can still fight me for them. xD Darn old people. They said we can have them after they die, but I told them I didn't want them then. :P I have to be stubborn, don't I? But now I'm digressing (like I usually do).
My hubby and I, like you and yours, refer to each other as husband and wife quite often and we do go a lot of places together. We've also got necklaces that we wear that we got as wedding gifts to each other. Mine is a heart choker necklace that is tied back with many little chains and his is just a large choker. True, not many people will know that his means his taken, but when a woman is wearing a heart necklace most people assume it's a gift from her husband/boyfriend. :)
Also, like most married couples, we have our wedding bands. They're kind of hard to miss. His is large and it's titanium (if he can break something he will, so we had to get him something that would at least be a CHALLENGE to break) and mine is white gold with sapphires along the top. They definitely catch your eye. xD
@Darkwing (21583)
•
15 Jun 09
I believe in this country, which laws are similar to Canadian laws, we are able to take a civil partnership joining, where you're not considered as Mr and Mrs HisName, but keep your own. You still exchange wedding bands but the service is a civil joining, so I guess there are ways and means. The joining is still legal and recorded by a registrar.
Brightest Blessings.
