How much do you know about your father?
By rosdimy
@rosdimy (3926)
Malaysia
June 19, 2009 2:45am CST
It is one of my regrets in life that I do not know much about my father. My parents were together until death separated them, so it was not due to them being divorced.
All I remember was he was an avid reader. He would spend his free time at home reading story books, comics, and newspapers. He was self-employed because he was an extremely independent person, and according to his uncle, very stubborn. I do not recall any bonding moments with him.
Even after returning from the UK I did not get the chance to spend time with him. We were living far apart, and I was unable to make regular visits due to certain commitments.
He passed away in 2006, and I did not get the chance to say a last goodbye to him. Sometimes I wish I had taken whatever opportunity that came across my path to get closer to him.
Now I have only fragmented memories of him.
Has any of you ever wish you had taken the chance to know your father better?
Do you regret the missed chances to do so?
Thank you in advance.
3 people like this
20 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I know nothing about my father, except a name my mother gave me. She didn't know him very well. So yes, I grew up without a father. I don't regret it because I don't know what life is like with a father, and you can't miss what you don't know.
I'm sorry your father passed away.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jun 09
She did not bring me up alone, she had a lot of help from other friends and family. I had a second mother who took part in raising me, I call her a foster mom sort of. I was lucky to have her.
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
19 Jun 09
I am sorry to hear that your father passed away.. At least you have some memories of him.. My father? Well all I really know about him is that he is a truck driver, and that I have his DNA.. I was a result of a one night stand, and there were several different men... So the few memories that you do have, hold on to them tight, its better then nothing.. Please do not take me the wrong way, I am just trying to help you feel better.
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Yes my peers had fun with the fact that I didn't know who my dad was.. I was consider to be an out cast... I really did not find out a whole lot about my father before I was an adult. That is when my mom told me, I kept asking her, bugging her until she fussed up.. I do not think my situation is worst then yours.. not one bit.. In a way never knowing my father, I have nothing to lose.. My life may have been different if he was involved in my life when I was growing up, but at the same time my life could have been more complicated. Whereas in your situation you knew your father, just do not feel like you really got a chance to spend quality time with him... Our situations are very different but yet the same.. The longing for a father in our lives.. I am not sure if you are religious or not, but I believe I have had a father looking down on me all of my life, and he has been their to wipe the tears from my eyes or give me a hug when I needed it. I have faith in God, and I know one day, I will have the chance to meet both my real father, and my spiritual father. That is what keeps me going each day... Look at it this way, one day you will reunite with your father and have eternity to learn more about what he was like.
1 person likes this
@kunking (1118)
• China
22 Jun 09
hi,rosdimy! i think we are the same with the feeling towards father...it had been the 5 years now after my dad left me and my family member. i didn't show that how much i love him until he couldn't come back to be around us forever. he is very much like talking and even kind of a boaster which is part of the reasons why i hold negative impression on him. so i want to learn more from my mom than him which leads me to know not much about me. but now i suddenly realise that he is rather a good man though with some shortcoming..how foolish i have sometime been. and also the very sad thing is i didn't get the chance to say a last goodbye or u are a good dad to him. he show his profound love to his kids in his way.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
23 Jun 09
I do not remember my father boasting about anything. I guess he assumed that nobody would believe him. Due to a strong independent and stubborn streak, he ended up being self-employed. Malays at that time strongly look at your financial status before believing whatever you say. Things have not changed much.
all the best,
rosdimy
@4mymak (1793)
• Malaysia
24 Jun 09
i am the only daughter - so i have always been 'manja' (Daddy's pet)..
my father is not one who says much.. in fact he hardly speaks to us, i dont think i ever had any real 'conversation' with him.. but i do have memories of stuff we did together - once he tried to teach me to ride the bicycle but i cried and gave up and he gave up too,.. he used to take us travelling (he loves travelling), i remember i almost drowned when my dad took my elder brothers and i swimming in a public pool in singapore, he also taught us to enjoy 'international food' like 'steak, chinese, japanese'- i have to admit that we were quite 'well-off' when i was a young girl.. things (income) got pretty bad as i grew older, especially when i was in my teens (but i didnt feel affected, because i had spent most of that time studying in boarding school, and abroad after that)..
the thing i remember the most i would say - is that he never said 'no' to whatever i asked (mostly books).. and one act that i will never forget, and will always cherish is when he was the one who performed my 'akad-nikah' (maritial ceremonies)..
i still have him.. he's 69.. i wish i could provide more for him - but i do the best that i can...
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
25 Jun 09
I do not even know at what age my father passed away. At a rough guess it was definitely above 80. Not having anyone to have serious conversations with, not having enough money to buy newpapers or books, his mind slowly went away. The last time I saw him I knew something was wrong with his health. He refused to divulge anything.
All I can do now is to pray for him.
@glesil_00 (1142)
• Philippines
20 Jun 09
Somehow you are still lucky you have a father that you see even rare but at least you know he is there and that really sad part because no matter how bad our father they remain our father that owed our life from him, although our mother sacrifice for us for 9 months until we were born.
Physically my father is tall, and hairy. He is talkative and have a sister where i got the shape of my face and height which is short. This is according to my mother and aunt. He is doing something that according to my aunt, Heal someone who've possessed of other kinds of people living around us whom we cannot see unless you have a third eye.
I am only a result of his lust to my mother. I only saw him once, and gave me old coins that couldn't used to buy something, and one dictionary. I couldn't remember or visualize his face even i try.
I do longing fro him and i want to see him again before he pass away because he is already in his mid 70's.
Other than this i have no more information about him, because i do not asked my mother about him, although mama did not hide from me who is my father.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 09
Knowing but not knowing. I do agree that is a worse state. I know what you mean by 'people living around us whom we cannot see unless you have a third eye.' I have had encounters with them. For all we know you could have a latent ability, inherited from your father. At least six of my offspring can see the unseen. Mybe you should try to find out the methods he used.
all the best,
rosdimy
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
hi rosdimy...i'm sorry to hear about your story. and it touches me.
yes, most of us are not close to our fathers...we look at them as if they we're the strict serious person in the house...but its not.
i remember when i am still a child, i don't have a good relation with my father. i said i don't like him...but i love him still, its just that we're not close with each other. i sometimes envy my cousins who are very close with their fathers and their fathers are sweet with them. my dad is not like that. he's a quiet type person, gone through many mistakes...he once become a "bad boy"! but thanks God, those days were gone... he is a totally different person now. He definitely changed for the better! Now, i see to it that we can make up for all those years that we grow apart...we are closer now, we can talk as friends and i am wrong when i said that he's a bad father or a bad boy...he definitely is the best father for me...coz if he's bad, why did i grow up nice? even though we're not that close before, i can say that now, i know him so well, i understands him and appreciates him!
i feel no more envious to my cousins with regards to their relationship with their fathers...but they feel envy to me now!
i must say that we should always cherish every moment we have with our loved ones...because time when lost cannot be back...we should make the best out of every moment, chances we have so that when that day comes...the day that we need to be apart...we don't feel any regrets...and what we will always remember are the happy moments we spend with them when they are still with us!
have a nice day!
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 09
When I was still at school, I used to have a few negative thoughts about my father. That was the result of not knowing who he really was. I only heard what others had to say about him. Living in the UK helped me to change my views on him, and fathers in general.
I believe most fathers have the best interest for their children in their hearts. So they work hard and have less time for their children. For example my father was the one who imbued an interest in reading in me. Most of his reading materials were in English.
I now try to interact more with my kids.
all the best,
rosdimy
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
i agree...we just realize the importance of anything when its already gone...so we should not take anything for granted...
and yes you said it right, maybe kids are not that close to their fathers because most of the time, fathers are always out for work and they spend more of their time with mothers...and also most of the time, we have bad impression to our fathers because they are more of the disciplinarian in the family...but yes, they always wanted what is good for their children...as like all parents want...
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
19 Jun 09
Oh, feeling very sorry for you that you could not even say a last goodbye to your father.
I did not get to know my father too well during my growing years. Dad went abroad when I was about 2/3yrs old and he returned when I was about 12yrs. So my childhood was spent without his touch. This also resulted in the fact that I got too close to mom. Dad was OK with the fact that mom was taking good care of me so he did not bother to involve himself. I too was hesitant to breach the gap.
Nowadays however my son spends his days at my parents while I stay at office. Dad simply dotes on my son and the feeling is very much reciprocated. Its only now that I am seeing a more human and vulnerable side to him and trying to understand him better.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
Itmay not be too late for you to close or reduce the gap that may still exist between you and your father. Better grab as much as possible of the chance that you have. Even an unripe fruit can fall down from the tree. There may be a lot more that you can learn about him. As for my father, I knew late in his life that he did travel to London after the Second World War. My mistake was in not asking him to elaborate further on his trip. A few minutes ago I remember that he had a medal. But what exactly did he do to receive it? I wish I knew.
all the best,
rosdimy
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Not much. I know that he was a hard worker and provided for his family. Not only was a police officer, but he moonlighted as a roofer as well. He was always working.
My parents divorced when I was younger so my father and I didn't have too many bonding moments, that I can recall. And as the years went by the more distant we became. Things started to change after I gave birth to my eldest son. My dad even surprised me when my youngest was hospitalized by coming to visit us. But now things seemed to have gone back to the way they were before. I'm trying to make it a habit to call him a couple of times a year so that he knows I still love him.
Happy Father's Day to him and to all the dad's out there. Have a wonderful day!
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 09
It must have been tough for him to work day and night. Once I held a job which requried me to bearound from the morning until mdnight. That was the time my daughters were growing up and starting to form an opinion on their parents. Whatever bond I had with them, especially wth the second daughter, dissolved into the air. Currently I have to accept the fact that she does not regard me as her father.
all the best,
rosdimy
@maikarumike (458)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 09
I would not say I am very close to my dad but when i was young he is very strict to me and my siblings.We are not allowed to have junk foods when we were young back then and he never spoils us at all.If we asked for something we always have to wait for atleast more than a month before we can get it.My father is always reading and reading seems to be his hobby or something since he works in the press,when ever he has nothing to do he will open up his books and start reading.My room is a quater filled with his books since his room is overloaded already.When we were much older my father became less strict with us and start to joke with us more and more.Though recently we broke into a little arguement which lasted until now he is still not talking to me at all.I wish things would be back to how it was.
1 person likes this
@hanah87 (1835)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
Yes,i know too much about my father.He comes from a poor and divorced family,so he really want all her daughter success like him and enter university.For right now,i still try to follow his step to get my fisrt degree and have a good work like him.Even my father is just a teacher but i think he is a great father a nd teacher too and really a good worker.I love him so much because i think no man in this world now can follow his way and his attitude.I see many father serve their daughter like an animal and cannot believe if they can be like my father.My father also like politic and i also like it too.We always discuss about politics in Malaysia.I will do the best for my father and my mother too.For me he is agreat father a nd no man can challenge him.Have a nice day.Thank you.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
Take care not to spoil the relationship. A broken relationship can be mended, but it will not be the same. Knowing his background can help to build a better character. Nevertheless do bear in mind that fathers are not always right, especially if they stress on only their views, claiming theirs to be right, and the others are completely wrong.
all the beset,
rosdimy
@Bearballew (1148)
• United States
19 Jun 09
OH my Father is so amazing! I have learned as much about him and his father as I can. I will miss him terribly when he is gone. I am one of the blessed ones though. Not many get a chance to have a man love them as deeply as a father can love a child. Now it's my turn to make sure my kids know their father! I will never regret any of it.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
Yes, let the flow of love continues. Otherwise there may be misunderstandings, which can create an unhappy atmosphere in the family. Fortunately I was generally happy when I was growing up. Even though we were not rich, I never demanded more than what was given to me.
all the best,
rosdimy
@Toxicon (163)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I dont know much about my father, my parents seperated when I was still a baby. I know his name, I know what state he's supposed to be living in, and thats about it.
I personaly dont feel I am any better or worse off in not knowing him, but the past is the past so we'll never know.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
Life has to go on, but memories are difficult to erase. I do not wish to berase memories of him are the only possession I have left. He did make contributions to the family. Knowing a person's background helps in understanding the person, including why he did certain things in an unconventional way.
all the best,
rosdimy
@darkstormy1 (264)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Being a female our relationship affects us in a different way then males although when one lacks that knowledge of who their father was what they were about or the past the history it can leave a hole. I ended up leaving home for good when I was 15 more like booted out the door my parents never made any secret of their contempt of me or my sister and overall I am ok with that but it still leaves me with questions our cases different in many ways but leaves open questions that I now can not even pass on to my kids my parents are still alive ironically have all the answers I would need and refuse to tell them like even medical information that is in turn affecting the grandchildren mine and my sisters
It can be very frustrating but sometimes when one can do no more one has to let it go if it is meant to be it will be if not enjoy what memories you have live life to the fullest and try not to have regret for in the end it will not change what is and what will be Peace be onto you
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
It does hurt a lot when parents blame the children for the problems they are facing. At least my parents never blamed my siblings and I for the hardship they were facing. My mother was a pillar of strength. She never talked bad about her husband. What is in the past cannot be changed, but there are gaps which I would like to know. Seeing others huggung their parents can still affect me. I am now trying to give my children what I did not get.
all the best,
rosdimy
@yolanda19191 (1934)
• China
20 Jun 09
Tomorrow is the father's day.but i'm in shenzhen now,while my father is living the the countryside of hunan wity my mom,and they both are taking care of grandma.
i love my father so much,though he has not much knowledge,just an honest farmer.he devotes himself to the family. Now it's my turn to repay.i know father likes eating fish,so i give enough money for him to buy.i know he likes the wind coat,i buy them for him.i know he likes watching ,so i buy the dvd for him to watch when he wants.now,i'm planning to take him to the place to have a visit where the movie once was taken.etc
i'm working,to realize myself value,to let my parents live a happy life...
here,in advance,i sincerely wish all the fathers in the world a happy father's day!
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
My apologies for not commentin earlier.
From your story I make the assumption that youe father had a strong positive impact on you. Nowadays we can hear of many young people who forget their parents once they have started working and have new froends. Many make a nominal token so that people will say they still care for their parents.
all the best,
rosdimy
@megaplaza (1441)
• Nigeria
14 Jul 09
I lost my dad at a very tender age, but that didn't stop me from knowing him. He left alot of legacy. He keeps record alot and tru his diaries i was able to know him. I can tell you his hobbies, ideology, views about issues and people and even what he did at a particular time. He is the type that can write in his diary that at 12.00pm i was eating pizza @ office brought to me by my P.A., He also left books for me that helped to model my mentality and ideology. I only miss his physical presence.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
23 Jul 09
We all need a father figure we can refer or relate to. At least you are lucky, because you have his legacy. The only favourite hobby I know my father was fond of was reading. I knew only a bit of his views on life. He was not interested in writing, so whatever thoughts he had were lost forever.
@orevro (715)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
I'm sorry to hear about your father. i'm not close to my father ever since. when we were young, we used to leave very early to go to school, by then he would just be arriving from work or whatever he did. we never get to see him and if we somehow bump into each other, we would only sa hi.. Sometimes he would ask questions about school, other than that, it's purely business. Now that my siblings have married, i'm the only one left in the house. He has somehow changed. We would be concerned about me, too concerned in my opinion. I feel like he wants to control me. I don't know, i'm just not used to this kind of attention from him. Now i get to see him everyday, we get to talk alot, mostly about things that he wants/needs..
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
At least you get to say hi to each other, and received questions about your progress in school. All I remember was being asked less than 10 times of being asked on how things were for me. On reflection the unexpected questions showed his concern for me.
As people get older they crave more attention from the people around them. The trick is not to fulfill their demands all the time. This will make them more dependent on other people. I learned this trick or technique when I was a student nurse at St. Bernard's Wing, Ealing Hospital.
all the best,
rosdimy
@med889 (5941)
•
19 Jun 09
I know my dad very well, well enough to be able to talk a lot aboout him. He is very close to us. We are amoung five children, four girls and one boy, he says that daughters are his life and son is the life of my mother. He adores us.
He scolds us when necessary but has never beaten us or insulted us. He is very positive in life and respect us a lot. Recently he is a bit angry because I have chosen someone in my life and he disagrees a bit because of my boyfriend but I am sure he will agree because he might just be a bit restless as He does not know that man very well as he did for my elder sisters.
He is a wonderful person. A family man and I never miss an opportunity to tell him how much I love him.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
You are a lucky person, to have an opportunity to know your father better. His small disagreement is a sign of caring. Even though I give my daughters to make their own decision, it does not mean I will approve without making some investigation on the boys' background.
May your relationship with your father remains strong and stable.
all the best,
rosdimy
@Bloggership (1104)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 09
I can fell the same thing as you do my friend rosdimy... My parents get divorce when i was still 3 month years old baby and i came along with my mother since then. I do ever meet my father once when i was on the age of 15 and that was the last time i meet him just for a couple hours. Actually, i'm not sure where he is now, whether he still alive or not. I already tried to find him based on the information i got from any of his old friends. Still i couldn't found him. It just like his already disappear. And now, i don't think i could ever meet him again for another last time.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
23 Jun 09
Unless it can be ascertained that he is no longer among us, I would say never to lose hope. It is a form of prayer. Who knows, you will get your wish sometime in the future. Life should be filled wth hope. That is one of the ways to move forward, and achieve most, if not all, of our targets.
all the best,
rosdimy
@handsomerohith (326)
• India
19 Jun 09
sorry rosdimy, my father had past away so only i have the memories of him.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 09
What sort of memories do you have of him? Good or bad? Nice or awful? Maybe you can expound further on this matter. Sharing, to a certain extent, does help in easing the feeling of burden in the heart. In my case I do not even have a photo of him. The house that we lived in has been torn down by unscrupolous relatives. That hurts me even more because there is nothing that can be used to associate with him.
all the best,
rosdimy
@tpns27 (2)
• Sri Lanka
19 Jun 09
hi rosdimy, i remember my father as a loving father... a father who took care of me the best way he can and made me feel that i was so loved and special. he's passed away for more than a decade now but i still miss him so much. I just wish that I could've have spent more time with him and I wish that I could've told him how much I love him every single day and that I am so thankful for everything that he has done for me. I am sorry for your circumstances. I hope that you could forgive yourself for not being able to spend time with him. We all have reasons why we didnt do certain things at that time that we should've done them. I'm sure that he loved you more than you know.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
scanning thru your discussion made me figure what kind of personality you are.you were saying your father is a stubborn one and very independent,not knowing you are walking the same path and track your father had been through and that is one reason why u keep distant with him.you were as stubborn and independent like him.but the sad thing is,you never give a try to build a good relationship between him,and u missed all the chances of having more happy memories with him.i just hope you will not do the same thing with your kids my friend.
have a blessed day always and take away all the worries,live the best what u can each day for we never knew if tomorrow still comes in our life. =)
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
10 Jul 09
Before this I did admit that I have a stubborn streak, but more of being independent rather than being aloof. Your conclusion about me is not spot on. Don't worry, I am not angry. Each individual is entitled to formulate own opinions, based on available information.
There was no real opportunity, partly because our life paths diverged early in my life. Later on I had responsibilities which took most of my time.
I am trying not to repeat the same mistakes with my kids.