Im back! No more living with my abuser

United States
June 19, 2009 4:10pm CST
I cannot not express the feeling with words alone but I can start with RELIEF, HOPE, and just so much pride in myself that I was able to stand up for myself in this relationship and tell my ex NO MORE--Im done! I've been in my relationship for over 7 years and it took me really being scared out of my mind to get out--its not worth it, you don't fully realize how much of yourself you have lost until you do finally get out. My getting out really went better then I could imagined. The court granted me sole custody of the kids (for a year, then goes to family court), I get to stay at our apartment and he has to leave (something he promised over and over again anyways) AND I get to keep my car, he pays child support. But so many relationships like this do not end with a happy ending, I cross my fingers that I stand up for whats right for me and my children.
7 people like this
16 responses
• United States
19 Jun 09
Good for you! You've taken a HUGE and very brave step towards a better future for yourself and your kids. I hope others here at mylot who find themselves in similar situations will see your post and be inspired to get out before it's too late. God Bless you, best wishes, congratulations and stay safe. Hold your head high, you've done good.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 09
thank you so much for your support it will feel so good to get back out in existence and make friends again--before there was always an excuse why each new friend was a problem
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 09
Im ready for any emotion that lies ahead and I know depression, anger will be a part of it and doesn't have to be ALL of it and thats just a normal part of the process of grieving
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 09
That's good that you are aware of it, so you can go through your normal natural feelings and heal properly from the trauma you've endured.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25473)
• India
21 Jun 09
I have high regard for you and people like you who can stand tall and come out of the abusive and gross relationships. Life is much beyond that and we are much more worth than that. i am so glad that you have finally come out of it for the better. I am happy for the kids also. just stay firm, stand tall and get going. Nothing is unachievable. Chase your dream. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 09
I have so much dreams!
@mimpi1911 (25473)
• India
21 Jun 09
I would want you to chase those and live life like never before. You are wonderful - just take care of yourself and the kids.
1 person likes this
@khayshenz (1384)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Maddd props to you for standing up for yourself AND your kids. I'm sure they're grateful for your courage. Though it is beyond me why some women stay, you are one of those who can and HAVE walked away from an abusive relationship. I hope ALL the best for you and yours. Take care!
• United States
19 Jun 09
I will admit this step was years in the making, the last two years its something that stood on my mind as if God was telling me, "you ready, for bigger and better things?"--and now, come three months ago I just got fed up and it became all to apparent that this was going nowhere AND most importantly, to all woman alike--the realization that it WASNT ME--I carried this made up guilt from my ex for so long and Believed it!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
20 Jun 09
It most definitely WASNT YOU, that is the biggest lie that abusers make people believe!! It's how they control you, beat you down, isolate you from family and friends so you have nowhere to turn, and you can't even believe in yourself! As you're learning the path to freedom, don't ever forget how valuable you are, as a person, as a mother, as a friend, and eventually again as a partner in a relationship - hopefully with someone who treats you as someone to treasure. Abusers make me sick. They can reduce the most independent capable person into a shell of themselves... but some of us fight back and win in the end.
@williamjisir (22884)
• China
21 Jun 09
Hello revellanotvanella. It is good to hear that you stand firm about the abusive relationship, though I am sorry to hear that you had this kind of unpleasant relationship with him. I think that it is more important to enjoy a happy life with a good relationship instead of one that makes you mentally burdened. Now it is good that you are free from it. Live your life to the kind you prefer, friend. I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 09
@smileonstar (4012)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Great !!! congratulation, and hope thing will get better for you. I used to be in that situation once, and it was so stressful thing to go through but the good thing is you got your life back. So, from now on know you know how man is... so before you step in another relationship, I want u to think twice. Men are not the same but they change very often, and I myself can't understand that either.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 09
Yea, that has been my main concern--I grew up in a cycle of abuse and its something that I need to re-learn as this is not the first time I have been involved with controlling men and that is what Im drawn too and I know this needs to be stopped so Im going to participate in support groups that Ive been invited to in recent days to get a better grip on HOW and WHY its happening.
• United States
20 Jun 09
Congrads to you for all your bravery and simply belief you deserve better and pray if you believe in god and just stand strong and you will do alright.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 09
thank God believed in me! I totally rely on God as my foundation and all the internal dialogue only helped because I chose to listen.
@marianna45 (1399)
• Romania
19 Jun 09
Hi, you must think that life is just one, and a relation where 2 people feel like strangers, or is a busive relation, can t resist to much. For kids and for you is much better to live alone. Congratulations for your decision, all woman must to be happy and free to be happy.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 09
Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes." ~Clare Boothe Luce
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
19 Jun 09
I am glad that you are free from abusive relationship. You are going to be fine with yourself and your kids. Mental health is very important and you need someone who will love you and treat you with full respect...
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 09
-hugs-
@lolislol (82)
• Finland
20 Jun 09
Good you found your way out pretty easily!
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Hello there! That is good to hear and I hope you are happy , and are finding your peace. I am happy for you , and it took so much strength . Just keep breathing in and out ;) It sure is good to be free! Take care and many hugs ;) so pround !
@saw2207 (1359)
• United States
20 Jun 09
If you could see me now revellanotvanella . .I am giving you a standing ovation! Good for you and even better for your kids. You are showing them the best role model in the world . .. even if it against their father. Your crossed fingers is your strength shinning through reminding you that you are a fantastic mother. You go girl!! Keep it up and as Billy Joel always says when he finishes a concert .. Don't ever take sh*t from anyone! Happy days ahead of you and Lotting to ya!
@angelajoy (1836)
• Philippines
20 Jun 09
Congratulations! I'm really happy for you. By fighting for your rights you helped make the world a better place. I hope your story helps others who are also in abusive relationships by inspiring them to fight for themselves too. Good luck with life and I hope everything works out fine for you and your kids.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I am relieved hun, relieved, and PROUD OF YOU for taking a stand, for realizing that you have value, that YOU are important, and that your physical, mental, emotional health comes FIRST and also that of your children. I'm also glad that things worked out so well for you with the courts and living arrangements and child support. Things certainly do not often work out that well, but when they do, it also helps to reinforce that you made the right decision and it helps boost your confidence. Again, I want to state how proud I am of you - so many women think it's somehow selfish to stand up for themselves and their children when they are in an abusive situation because 'the abuser loves them'. Well that can't be further from the truth even if they say it lol. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be safe. Your children deserve to have a life free from worry and none of you should have to be battered, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Children learn from what they see and experience. You are strong, and living through this situation will just make you stronger. You can do ANYTHING, remember that! And you can do it on your own if need be!
@reckon21 (3484)
• Philippines
20 Jun 09
That's good news because no one should be a prisoner of abusive husband. Nice of you to realize that there's more to life outside than living in that nightmare world of yours. I'm glad because you found the courage to fight for your freedom and you deserve a second chance.
• United States
20 Jun 09
all the attorney representing me could say is 'How did you live with this guy!' I didn't understand how he was using my kids as a pawn over my head to control me until now
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
20 Jun 09
That's the scary part with kids. Any friends with abusive spouses that I have had always have the spouse blaming them for any trouble with the kids, calling them a bad mom, a horrible parent, a bad wife. They always feel so guilty, as if they have to make things better because why would their husband lie... even when it's obvious they are the better parent and the husband is a d o u c h e b a g lol.
• United States
21 Jun 09
Oh yea! He even went to court blaming me for our 4 year old whispering when he tried to talk to her and said I am messing her up and going to make her bipolar and my attorney was just scoffing at him--like, give me a break, you actually expect us to buy this bull. I wanted to object at once and say 'Did you stop to think their SCARED OF YOU!!' and my attorney just said, let it go, we know exactly whats happening.
@cbeee3 (2063)
• India
20 Jun 09
I am so proud of you! So very proud. I was stuck in a bad abusive relationship for 2 whole years. And what was odd was I was afraid to leave and my ex used to threaten me that he was going to leave me. One day he misbehaved in public and that was it. I left.It hurt bad to begin with. Him saying, he would change etc etc etc. But now it is just a memory.For me it was just about him and me, as no children were involved. I am so glad that you were brave enough to say, enough is enough. A chapter in your life ends there and a wonderful one begins now. I wish you all the happiness in the world. God bless you and your children!*hugs*
• United States
20 Jun 09
Oh do I know, I say to this to any woman in my situation when you ever have any suspicion that you might be in a controlling relationship ANYTIME a man uses public embarassment to shame you let it be an immediate Red Flag!! I had so many times I told him private things that I shared with my ex only to have him throw it out there for all to hear while we would be at a bookstore because he was mad at me. My first instinct was to think that anyone who truly loves me couldn't possibly do that but I still dismissed it even though it hurt so bad inside--beyond disbelief, that's when you get out.
1 person likes this
@cbeee3 (2063)
• India
20 Jun 09
U go girl! You said it.. I guess we just get so caught up in the relationship that it gets hard to leave,even when it is best to leave.
@olydove (1209)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I know exactly what you mean by " It took me being scared out of my mind to get out" Domestic Violence is a terrible thing to go through, not only for you but for you kiddos. My boys were little and thank god I they have no memory of it. My eldest might remember bits and pieces but not much. It's very hard to leave and that is the hardest part but you did it, and for that I thank you. Now you and your children will have a much better life ahead. It's not going to be easy you'll have times where you will feel alone and you will be sad, you'll have times where the financial situation will get to you, the kiddos will get to you, but you will also have time of feeling peaceful, not worrying "If I do this I'm going to get into trouble" or "If he finds out about this OMG" trust me the good far outweighs the bad. You will need friends and family to support you through the first year or so emotionally and spiritually so if you do not have that available feel free to add me. You're very blessed that the judge saw it your way. Do be sure to keep the house locked at all times even during the day because violence doesn't just walk away quietly if you no what I mean. If at all possible when you can, you might want to move to a new neighborhood or even a new town. I wish you and your little ones the very best of luck and keep your head up things do get better and you've already experienced the first few days of your freedom. Remember that's just a taste of a what's to come and could be. ***smiles*** Have a great weekend.
• United States
20 Jun 09
so true,