Should my 18 yr old keep her baby?

United States
June 20, 2009 7:53am CST
I have an 18 yr old daughter who jus found out sher is pregnant.The father of the baby wants her to get an abortion,my mother and step father want her to get an abortion and I am theonly one against it.I want her to have this baby but I realize that it is up to her. I am frightened that they might sway her decision and she will regret it.I have to admit that she is slightly irresponsible andthe father is for anabortion as well so,he might not be there for her as well.But I just think that a baby belongs with their mother.What do you think?
7 people like this
27 responses
@lelin1123 (15635)
• Puerto Rico
21 Jun 09
What does she want? It's her life and her decision. If I were her I would get the abortion and then get on birth control so it doesn't happen again. If the father of the baby doesn't want the child she will be stuck raising this child by herself. It will be difficult and plus keep her from achieving her dreams. When I was twenty I had my firstborn and it kept me from my dreams. I worked for at least 10 years in a job I didn't like and couldn't get away from because I had a child. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world and unless you have help from other family it will be quite difficult.
• United States
28 Jun 09
Hi lelin, your definitely right about her having to raise a child w/o the fathers help, I see that possibly happening but you never know! Although I do not agree with abortion, I appreciate your comment. I also agree with you when you say motherhood is the hardest job in the world. It sure is, and thats why I will offer any and all the help I can give her.
@Kowgirl (3490)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I really don't belive in abortion except in extreme cases. A child is a gift from God and even if she doesn't want to keep the child there are a lot of good people out there who would be happy to adopt this child. This will be a very hard thing for anyone to do but at least she will know she did what was best for her and the child. No one should try to push her into having an abortion, after all it's up to her what she decides to do. She needs to talk with someone outside the family then study the pros and cons before making a decision. Have a great week-end Kowgirl
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 09
Your outlook on abortion is the same as mine.Thank you for your response!
@klw5000 (213)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I think that regardless of age if someone is pregnant the ultimate choice should be theirs. If she can handle the responsibility then yes, she should have it. It could be a benefit for her and help her to learn life lessons. Sometimes when we have to take care of someone else we become stronger and more determined. I am now 37 and April of 2008, I was 20weeks and the baby had passed. I had to go through the complete delivery and it is still hard for me. I love children and would have given anything to have another one. If your daughter is strong enough to handle it then yes, let her have the baby and raise it. Either way there will be consequences. With the abortion there will be guilt and if she puts it up for adoption then somewhere along the way she will want to see him or her. What if something should happen in the future and she wouldn't be able to have another chance?
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 09
Thank you so much for your wonderful response.You"ve worded everything the exact way that I feel.I agree that a person can change, sometimes we are put in situations and we are forced to adapt. Im hoping that she becomes more responsible. She is very smart and has a promising future ahead of her. She CAN make a decent life for this child if she trys. I especially like the way you realize that there are consequences regardless of the decision. One member of the family is talking about adoption but argues they'll be very little regret,however as you"ve said there are consequences to that as well that could be possibly be devastating.Thank you again!
@Corimore (249)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Do you live in the u.s. if so tell her to have the baby then you all could give the baby to me. I am no Phsycic but I got a great big heartbreaking thought when I read this that if she aborts that baby she will be missing out on one very special person who will do great things. So instead of worrying what to do with the baby she could have him or her I don't care which and I will come and get the baby. But I almost guarantee that once she sees that baby that she created giving it up won't be an option.
@check23 (448)
• Philippines
20 Jun 09
I'm not favor in abortion. She should keep the baby. Abortion is a big mistake even though many people around her is in favor of abortion. This is serious but she's the one who will decide and she must think of the right decision. If she don't go with the abortion and she doesn't want the baby, there is an option to this. She can put the baby for an adoption. Hope she decides what is right.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
You are right. It is your daughter's choice. However, given the condition your daughter may be in, she may not be able to think straight and opt for the easiest way out of her predicament. But then again you are right by saying as well that She may regret it in the end and it will only affect her more. I can not give any advise regarding this problem but I can share with you my experience. My sister got pregnant out of wedlock and the father is no where. She is not as young as your daughter but still in my country, this kind of thing is not wholly accepted by some. But my sister decided to keep the baby and we in turn decided to support her in taking care of this baby (my sister then is jobless). And we did not regret it as she is a bundle of joy in the family. She is witty and funny. I guess in our case, she turned out to be a blessing, perhaps in yours too.
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
I forgot to add. Perhaps have a one-on-one talk with your daughter. Ask her why she is opting to have it aborted. Maybe you as a family can do something about it...Just a thought
@Archie0 (5175)
20 Jun 09
This is a bit serious case, well i think she should give birth to the child the father has not thought for even a second before saying to abort the child, as he did not think before making her pregnant.Well you or anyone can take care of the baby for 1 or 2 years till your daughter gets a bit older.And after that i think she can look after the child.But in all this she should have her concerne
• United States
20 Jun 09
Hello, first off thank you for your response. I along with my husband told her that we will be there to help her as much as we can. Yes, the father is very immature and needs to grow up fast.I told her not to base her decision off of his b/c he isnt even giving it any thought.When he comes around to seeher it seems like thats when she talks about getting abortion.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
17 Jul 09
I think you need to sit with her and have a talk with her about how you feel and don't be afraid to let her hear other views but make her realize that whatever decision she makes is one that she will have to live with. Make sure she knows that you will support whatever choice she makes because it is after all ...her choice. At this point she will have heard what everyone thinks is best for her and should go off by herself and think it over and go with her own heart and not everyone elses. Of course you all influence her but she needs time alone to think it through on her own. It is a very, very tough choice.
@SangsTurks (1446)
• India
21 Jun 09
Bringing a child up and with it comes great responsibility. Do you think she would be able to handle things later on. I am sure you and your husband would be there to take care of your daughter and her child but would she be able to take up a huge responsibility as a parent? I really dont know whether she should or should not keep the baby as it should be her own dicision , and a dicission that she would not regret later on in life. I can just pray to God that she does whatever is right for her and her child.
@ektarox (67)
• India
21 Jun 09
i have one thing to say to this...have you ever really tried to find out what she wants to do with her baby?try to find otu what her heart really has to say to this..its very important to know this..because i am sure she'll have the mind and heart to decide..also if keeping the baby is just going to remind her of a mistake she made..n all she can think of when she sees the baby is "this was the worst mistake of my life"..den its no justice for her as well as the baby to welcome him or her in the world...agreed here that abortion is a sin..bringing the baby in the world and not really being able to love him or her and eventually ignoring him/her is a bigger crime in my eyes..i am sure ur daughter will have the heart to decide..have faith in god..everything will be fine:)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
I think she should keep her baby and not aborting it.Abortion is a sin and in my country it is a sin to have babies aborted.Try to be empathy and put yourself into the babies shoe and if they are able to speak inside the womb they would definitely say out loud that they don't want to die and they have life too. If she doesn't want to keep the baby, then let the baby to be adopted by someone else to be taken care and that is better than letting the baby die just like that only.
@maximax8 (30579)
• United Kingdom
21 Jun 09
I know that aborted babies are the missing people of the world. You don't feel happy about your grandchild becoming another one of those unlucky ones. In pregnancy a baby is an innocent one. When he or she is born hopefully his or her mother will love him or her. If not I think adoption to a caring couple is the right choice. I know that close family and friends often do try to influence a teenager to have an abortion. At age 18 years old perhaps your daughter might not be mature enough to deal with having an abortion. If she has an abortion she would be likely to regret the decision. She might suffer depression years later. I hope that she will have her baby and be a superb parent. If not that she has her baby adopted. That way her baby will life and be happy. A baby does belong with his or her mother I think. Good luck.
@Cifer69 (187)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
You should keep the child killing it is a sin and its not the baby's fault the baby is innocent and killing an innocent child is just wrong
• Australia
21 Jun 09
You should NEVER get an abortian, sometimes you will rigret it for the rest of your life, when you get an abortian, the percentage that you wont be able to have anymore kids are about 60%. If you have an abortian that is like murdering someone, a baby that will never see the earth. Sure it is her discession to have an abortian or not, but try your best to convince her not to. If she does, in the future she will be like, i wish i had a baby, but then she cant have one because she had an abortian.
• United States
21 Jun 09
Well, here is how I see. Your daughter has the right to make her own decisions. If she wants to have an abortion, keep the baby, or give it up for adoption (my suggestion is adoption if she really cannot take care of it) then it is ALL up to her. Abortion, I have not seen any good come from abortion, except for stem cell research, but that is another subject. If your daughter has an abortion, the chances of her having other children, healthy children are slim. She could also have a lot of health problems if she aborts. Now, I have seen women who have aborted and ones who have not. The ones who did had a series of problems when they got pregnant for a second and third time, and many of them could not have children at all. Those who gave the child up for adoption went on to having healthy children after the other child was adopted out. Also, there are so many women who want children, and if your daughter can produce a healthy baby, there are so many women who will want her child.
• United States
21 Jun 09
Like other people have said, the choice is ultimately hers. Hopefully she is taking in what you're telling her and will appreciate the lengths you, as her mother, are willing to go to in order to help if she chooses to keep the baby. She has quite a few options available to her, so I hope she will make a decision she will not come to regret, whatever that may be. Experiences like this are a huge wake-up call and require a lot of growing up. I can't even imagine having been responsible enough for a child of my own when I was eighteen, but a lot of girls I went to high school with went through it. I saw quite a few of them change into responsible young adults. Even if the baby's father is unable to take on any responsibility, you're going to be the one person who can show her a positive example of what being a mother is all about.
• United States
21 Jun 09
Teen Pregnancy - One of the biggest issues that can be is younger teens getting pregnant at an early start. Sure does take responsibility on her part.
First of all she's your daughter. Also since she is 18 years old she is now a legal adult to make her own decisions. It is not the position of her boyfriend, the baby's daddy to make the decision for to have an abortion. I find it that abortions are a waste of time, I mean first she has life to be brought in this world, why even bother to waste it? The outcome is whether issue it was she got herself into, she is now going to be a mother, now she has to face the responsibilities once she has that child. It's not a matter of think, but knowing that baby belongs to your daughter. It's like you, you had your daughter. Of course it wasn't like your situation when you were younger. But I say fully support your daughter's decision and I hope your daughter can cope with it. So that's my say on this topic.
@kingxu (44)
• China
21 Jun 09
Your daughter is only 18 years old,this age may be too young to have a baby.In our country,the 18 years old girl even can't take care of herself,how can you expect her to take care of her baby.So look before you leap,it is a serious case.
• United States
20 Jun 09
Abortion's Are Very, Very Bad. In my opinion any one who is for it is a nut job. If you don't want the baby give it up for adoption. You can even get compensated for it!
@nraisor (59)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I think that you should talk to your daughter about all of her options. Abortion or keeping the baby aren't the only options. If you are that against abortion, explain to your daughter why you are. Then let her know that even if she is not ready to be a mother, there are other people in this world who are and would love to take care of the baby. So try to get her to consider adoption, which my be a very viable solution. Then sit down and talk to her about the rewards of being a mother. Even if the boyfriend skips out because he doesn't want to be a father. Tell her honestly how hard it is, the downs of it all. But also explain to her the rewards and gifts that come along with it. Just be honest with her and present her with all options.