Do you think it's best that couples that live together should get married??

United States
June 21, 2009 5:04am CST
Do you believe that couples that live together should get married?? Is a relationship stronger because of the commiment of marriage or is it the same to live with someone and the paper does not mean anything? I live with my boyfriend and dont want to marry until I am sure that it is the right thing to do. I dont want to get married because we have a child and I certainly don't want him to marry me because of that. I keep thinking that we may get to that point, but we are not at it now. If we can weather the strom a bit more maybe the time will be right once we are both earning a bit more and can relax and not worry so much about money. But what is your opinion, should people marry instead of live together??
2 people like this
25 responses
@maximax8 (30648)
• United Kingdom
21 Jun 09
The divorce rate is so high that it is wise for a couple to love together to fin d out if they are compatible before they get married. Some couples live together but don't believe in marriage. The name Australians use is 'de facto' which means living together. Children can be born in the relationship. That applies in countries with western values like the UK, the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. In traditional places living together without being married would be unacceptable.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 09
Well I guess I am living a de facto life...lol And its okay...for now ... Yes, I dont want o rush and enp up doing the worng thing. Better to take it slow and then do it for real and for sure. :O) Happy myLotting !
• United States
21 Jun 09
Can you tell I am sleepy? I cant even understand whta I wrote..sorry... LOL Hope you understand it .
@angelsmummy (1700)
21 Jun 09
Me and my partner are living together as if we are married. We have a one year oild daughter and another due in 9 weeks :D. We do plan to get married but its expensive. We will get married at some point but its not overly important. I think it bothers many people on here that I am in this situation but the way I see it is its my life and Im the one that has to live with the choices I make and we shouldnt be looked down on for not being married if we have kids and/or live together. Marriage is overrated.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 09
Thats how I feel and I understand some people that come from other countries think its weird or wrong to live together, but I think its better to wait. I truly do not enjoy the idea of marrying just because you are going to have a child. Our daughter was planned and still we did not talk of marriage. I would like it, but all in time. Thanks for replying, its really late her 3:25, dont know what time there but I am glad you are up to see my discussion :O)
21 Jun 09
it was about 4pm its now 00:19
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
It depends on the couple, of how they were brought up by their parents, the environment they group up with. In some cultures it is okay to live together first before planning to get married but in some culture especially the religious ones, it is incorrect. For me I would like to get married first so that everything's legal (in law and in the eyes of God) before I live with someone. I am the eldest in my family, my sisters look up to me, basically in everything I do. And because of that I tend to think of what effects will it have for my sisters before I do something or decide on something.
• United States
22 Jun 09
I think it is really smart of you to think about your sisters when making your decisions. It is good to think of setting an example for others. So I can appreciate your position. Thats why living with someone is not correct for everyone and we each have to do what is best for us. At my age, things are different. The first time around I married before moving in and having kids but this relationship is very diferrent form that one and right now it is right for us to wait, we really are pretty much married anyways. Thnaks for your post and happy lotting!
• United States
22 Jun 09
I honestly would have to marry someone before moving in with them. I just don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed or living with someone and us not be married. That's just me though. My advice is to make sure its the right decision before you do marry him. Don't do it because you feel you have to. Do it because you're in love with him and you can't live without him. Marriage is meant to be a life long committment. If you can see you and him 50 years down the road, still loving one another and having a family, go for it. I do agree that the divorce rate is so high, that its best to make sure that marriage is something you want to get into.. make sure you can last through it all together. Marriages these days take on alot of pressure and trials due to the fact that its a very "holy union" and all hell tries to tear it up. You have to be sure that he's going to be there for you through all storms and trials, and you the same for him. Don't act on something just because you feel you have to.
• United States
22 Jun 09
The idea that people should automatically get married just because they live together is becoming passe in this day and age. Personally, I think that it is better to see if you can actually live with one another (in other words, test the compatibility) than to get married and find out that you are not compatible.
@bing28 (3797)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
I think it's a must as it's a common practice here of getting married first before living together. Much more if you'd proven yourselves to be meant for each other as you have smooth relationship even without marriage. I believe more blessings will come your way should you get married and have a blessed relationship.
• United States
22 Jun 09
A few months ago, my boyfriend and I left a horrible living situation: We lived with another couple that had been together and living together for five years, and had just had a baby. The couple always argued over the most childish things, and once the baby came along, things weren't any different. Sierra (I will use a surname) was every bit controlling, and had no intention of getting married to anybody, even though she does have a child with John. John, on the other hand, wants to marry her ..sometimes. Now, should couples that live together get married? In certain situations, yes, they should. Now if you argue all the time with your significant other, and nothing ever gets resolved, then no. However, if you have a very good relationship, and know that you can get through thick and thin with your loved one, then yes. Having kids shouldn't matter in the situation, however, it would make things easier to be married. It should really be a personal decision, and if the two of you really want to get married, and want to have the legal bond and responsibilities, and you know that when you get married things really won't change, then yes, go ahead and get married. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and pretty much living together, and we want to get married, even though we act like we pretty much are. And, I want to carry his last name =)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Honestly. I think marriage is just a peice of paper. Just because you live together dosent mean you must get married. If you dont feel that it is the best decision for you and your child, then it problly isint. Thats my p.o.v. So good luck.!
1 person likes this
@Galena (9120)
21 Jun 09
it depends what they want to do. of course, it's wise to live together for several years before mariage, but if marriage isn't important to the couple then why should they consider marrying at all. living together is still committment. and you can love someone just as much without marrying them. the way I see it, if it doesn't seem like you've been married for years, then you shouldn't marry. and if you don't hold any importance to marriage then don't bother with it. your relationship will be just as strong.
1 person likes this
@Jimeous (858)
• New Zealand
21 Jun 09
I don't think it matters either way, but I would question the motivation of a person that wants to be married so they can live with another person. The most important thing now, is the relationship you are in, whether this develops into marriage at a later date is the decision of the couple involved.
1 person likes this
@mybernz (34)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
A couple that married already have a long and lasting relationship if they'd talk and understand each other a;long their relationship. Maybe God would bring them into happines and long life can cover. they would live happily ever after if God Bless them with marriage or entourage of matrimony. Yes a couple should live together and in harmony of marriage.
1 person likes this
@sahall81 (15)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Hello my wife and i dated for 1yr then moved in together for almost another year.We have been married now for 8 years.It almost felt the same being married as living together.At the time we had a daughter and my side of the family is really religious so they wanted us to get married right away.We waited a bit then got married.I found being so young that the biggest stress for us was money.However we love each other and stuck with it.Now its been 8 years and 4 kids later we are still happily married.I guess what im saying is wait to u are sure u are ready.Possibly even try and get your careers in order because it does help.Im not saying money is everything but you are able to enjoy marriage a bit better.Good luck to you.
@x_Jo_x (1041)
21 Jun 09
I dont think you should feel like you "have to get married", living with someone you love and not being married is fine! Marriage is a bit commitment and you should only do it if you both feel like you are ready for it, otherwise it will never work. Also, the money could be a problem. It is a nice thing to do, but not essential. Maybe just be engaged? Then this might still make you feel more together and maybe give that sense of strength and commitment, but it doesnt involve quite as much expense and you can just set a date as and when you feel happy to. That might be a good step forward for you in your relationship. But i think it sounds great how you have it now, so i wouldnt worry. You love each other, and at the end of the day that is all that matters
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
That is a very interesting question. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now and we have been living together for almost 5 years with no kids in the picture. Things were really good ever since and we never really talked about marriage until lately when my boyfriend proposed last Feb.22, 2009 in a private island. I think getting married is a decision to put your relationship in legality and in the face of God and the people (if you are a Christian) but it doesn't define a good relationship. Others have wonderful years of living together without getting married. So basically it's a personal choice. After years of togetherness and cohabitating, I felt and decided that I wanted to put things into perspective and that for me is to get married. I am so happy with how things are working out and slowly coming into place. Now, I really want to get married...to have a family in a few years after. My decision is solely on my personal choice, and that means that it's what you should do if you don't believe and is not ready to make your relationship a finality.
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
..and that means, it is not what you should do if you don't believe and is not ready to make your relationship a finality.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
26 Jun 09
I believe in marriage. My fiance and I live together now and are going to be married. I don't believe in forcing others who don't want to marry, or don't want to marry right yet, like you, to marry. I think that it's all a personal choice as to whether one marries or not. I believe the bond is stronger after marriage.
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I do not think that people should live together before you get married. Im a stickler on that. alot of my sisters lived with their boyfriends before they were married. I think that it is best to NOT live together before you get married because otherwise you should be married. Not living together makes you really realize whether you want to be with that person or not because you are faced with more temptation and ability to get yourself into bad situations than if you were living with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to make sure that being with that person and only that person is the best decision. moving in together doesn't help with that decision.
• United States
22 Jun 09
no not realy i think the its good to live togeter b4 ur marryed cus u can see how the person is it u do get marred.
@patzel88 (3311)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
well i am a married person but based on my experiences it is not about the narriage in a piece of paper will start to strengthen the couple it is about the respect, understaning, and love will give the strong relationship, sometimes in the married couples have a hard time to get a legal separation when they are not happy to their life. I guess the best thing to do is to enjoy the life that you have shared because marriage is not the key to have a happy family as long as the couples are happy while they are together.
@rainmark (4302)
22 Jun 09
For me, i really strongly believe in marriage so when ever you ready, go and get married. It's so nice that you and your partner exchanging vows together in church or judge with all your heart. Good luck and Keep posting.
• United States
22 Jun 09
In my opinon, you are already living together as a married couple, so to speak. So why not just get married? You are living with someone that you are ? unsure about? That seems to be an unjustified answer on your part! So, what are you really afraid of? In the long run, as i have seen lately with other couples, problems can develop, and i do mean big problems, can develop later on, by not being married. You have no legal rights as a single person. What happens to you and the kids if he is suddenly killed? Or, in reverse? What happens to him and the kids if you are suddenly killed? Neither of you, at this point have a legal say in any matter, as far as the law is concerned. Just some things that you need to think about.