He told me he loves me, should i believe him or should i dishim?

United States
June 22, 2009 8:08am CST
My and my baby's daddy were together for about 2 years and 2 months and toward the ending of our relationship while i was in the hospital with his daughter in my tummy we were suddenly over with in couple seconds of asking him a question of "would you rather be with me or her?" He told me I kind of want to be with her. I cried my heart out without sharing my tears with him. I told him "you can be with her if that makes you happy." he and I were no longer going out. He breaks up with her 6 months of there relationship. and 2 months afters he told me he loves me and that he was stupid for leaving. When he told me he loves me i was with another guy to get over my baby's daddy but I couldn't stop loving him. So my question to you to help me decide, Should I believe him on him loving me or Should I dishim Because he could be lying?
5 people like this
21 responses
@drdivu (1011)
• India
22 Jun 09
i m sorry to hear that.. WHEN U NEEDED HIM HE WENT AWAY,TELLING THAT HE LOVED SOMEONE ELSE..THEN WHY TAKE HIM BACK..?? we girls have a soft heart and we pardon anyone easily, esp those whom we love..!! but then, it does not mean u take him back, get husrt again..??!! well, through out the time u stayed with him..how was his behaviour with u.?? where were u in his priority order..??? Think over these things..think over, are u sure he wont leave u again for someone else..?? are u sure, he wil be good father to ur child..?? think urself and take a stand soon..live by it all ur life..u wil lose nothing in that... good luck...
• United States
22 Jun 09
Thank You! I've asked my friends and family but i jus couldnt decide but with ur information it will be alot of help and a lot to think about... thank you again
@drdivu (1011)
• India
23 Jun 09
hey..its ok..do pm if u need me..
@mikeysmom (2091)
• United States
22 Jun 09
i do not think anyone can answer this question for you. you know in your heart whether to believe him or not. does he want to be with you just because you have a baby together? does he love the baby? does he support the baby? does he have his own place to live or is he looking for a port in a storm so to speak, a place to live until he finds something or someone else? these are just some questions i would be asking myself if i were in your position. do what is right for you. people can adivse you but it is your life to live.
• India
23 Jun 09
Yes, is really hard to answer this question before one should analyze it living together.
• Portugal
22 Jun 09
Hi there kalily. ^^ Im not pretty sure about the personality of the daddy of your daughter. But in my experience, I gave my ex many chances to forgive him yet he is still doing the same thing..which is flirting and living with another woman. I tried myself to believe him that he still loves me until I got fed up on his lies. Im not telling you to do the same I did but try to be strong if you decide things. Does he really wanna take back the responsibility he had left on you before? If the person makes mistake for the second time around he will still do it again. :( Be strong kalily. Good luck ^^
• United States
22 Jun 09
Im sorry to hear about u n ur ex. With my ex, I usually haunt him to see if hes dating i know its wrong but i jus gotta know but he hasnt been dating with anyone his last break up but he does flirt! his flirting kills me... Thank you for u your help and support.
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
24 Jun 09
Hello kalily08, He left you for another girl, right? So, if he wasn't happy with that girl and dumped her or being dumped by her, and then begging you to come back because he made mistake and realized that he loves you more than the other girl, that is nothing to do with you. It is not your fault that the relationship ended and given a choice, I think you shouldn't go back to him. You have a new life with a new person and I know, it is not easy to forget him if you loves him very much. But, you must give your current boyfriend a chance. I think you should just forget about him and move on with your new life. You will forget him slowly...
• United States
23 Jun 09
I do not know you or your ex what i do know is life and my experiences in it over and over I have seen What I know is I have seen the same case you described all too many times and my advice so many times over is move on and forget him he did it once he will walk away the minute he has you back he will again he may be different if so make him show it prove it but for you to dog this new guy out and in turn to do worse to him for this guy who did the same to you that is wrong on the same note if you are going to be with this new guy be with him because you want to be not to replace the other or no one will ever be happy Focus on your child and on that note not much was said of his involvement with the child which seems very interesting did he drop out of her or his life does he support the baby in all ways has he done anything by that child if not and he is looking to hook back up then all he is looking for is a booty call and all you will get is years of a broken heart if this is the case sever the ties now just becasue one feels love for another does not make it real for the other if it is not returned it will only cause heartache in this case for more than one of you
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
no offense but to lend credence to your decision or probably any question you would ask concerning matters that would not only influence your life but that of your child's is to lend credibility to the relationship you have with your current boyfriend. now is now and you have duties to your current relationship so the mature, right and intelligent thing to do is ignore the past and work on the current.
@maharlikah (1045)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
You just have to weigh things up. Think of what will make you happy and decide. I hope you will be able to overcome everything.
• India
23 Jun 09
Kalily sometimes it takes a few days to know a person and at times it takes a life time. Today you have a baby with whom you can spend the rest of your life helping him\her grow but have you thought of the baby which will require true fatherly love?? Maybe the baby's father realised how much he loves you and your baby and wants to come back.. You have been with him for quite some time so i think u would be in the best position to know if he has really changed. There might be some habits like flirting as you have said which might diminish with time as he gets to know his responsibilities towards you and your baby.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10422)
• United States
23 Jun 09
The most important thing I have learned about love is that it is far more than "words." If his actions and the way he treats you and his baby do not show love, then do not believe him. Hope this helps with your decision, but of course, it is ultimately up to you. Karen
@Vivianh (331)
• China
23 Jun 09
Hello,Kalily.I'm sorry to hear your story .I think you have the answer in your heart,if you still love him u'll try to accept.And if it's me,I will spend more time to know him better .So I think u should think over about are u sure he won't do that again or u are love him so much and u don't care?Good luck for you.
@rsa101 (28247)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Well the question is are you happy with your current guy you are with right now? If yes, then how could you say you couldn't stop loving the other guy it should have stopped when you accepted your BF as BF. First things first, he got you pregnant and all of a sudden he was involve with a third party and chose the third party. He has done this to you the first time he could do that again when someone good comes along his way and dumps you again and then he might just as well go back when he is finished with her again and ask for forgiveness again. Do you see a pattern here. For me just be sure on how you feel with your current BF, he accepted you as you are with a kid not his own but still he is there to love you and your baby right? For a man to be accepting like that is a rare kind of man. But still it is your heart that should be followed because that is what will make you happy in life. It would be very hard for you to feel happy if you force yourself just because it is the right thing to do justice to your current relationship. it would be unfair to you and him living in without any feeling as strong as the other one.
@tholitz (1127)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
HI kalily08! I really believe that you should take more time to think about this thing. I think what is better for you and your ex-boyfriend and father of your child is to build again the relationship that was ruined but on a different level (maybe friendship after all he is the father of your child and he have a responsibility with your baby). This will determine if what he was saying is true and coming really from his heart. You should also be careful since if he have done this in the past, he could do it again (replacing and dumping you with another girl). Think seventy seven times before you decide, after all this could really make a big difference in your current life. Have a nice day!
• Pitcairn
22 Jun 09
Be careful with your decision my dear. You're in a tough situation. Your previous guy left you, knowing that you're pregnant with his child. What is he trying to do? Escaping from his responsibility from being a father and a wife? It seems like he is not that serious with you. And he left you once, he may left you over and over again. Considering that you love him, does he really love you? Does your love mean forever or just for a short time? How do you feel about the second guy if you said that you love your first guy? What is he to you? I mean what is his role to you? Is it just to let you move on and stand as a father to your child? Are you planning to love him later on when you have already moved on? What if you find out after 10 years of staying together that you really can't love him? And do you think your second guy is serious with you? A lot of tricky questions that needs exact yet real answers. You're the only person who can answer that. I'm sorry if I can't give you answer for your question. I hope you'll find the answer, and do what is right. You might regret too badly if you don't. Trust your instincts. Go with what you know is right, and surely you'll not regret it. Life is full of twists and turns. Take your time in making your decisions. Think.
• United States
22 Jun 09
I don't know. Was the girl his first" other woman". If so, he could be telling the truth. But if you have caught him cheating before, then he is lying.The other woman could have been a prolonged fling.i guess the best thing to do is to take it slow.See him every once in a while. Let him visit his daughter. See how ot goes.You two may just need some time. But if you get the feeling he has someone else or it doesn't feel right, then leave.Good Luck.
• United States
22 Jun 09
wow out of all places, he would tell you in the hospital that he'd rather be with someone else. geez in my opinion move on. if he didn't have the heart to at least wait and tell you after your out of the hospital then what feelings could he have possibly have now for you. idk, it's just my opinon. this is a serious situation.
@Dansoy (32)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
The one who really knows to answer that question is you, your MIND (not the heart, be practical) knows what best for you. However, from a guys point of view, you're too good for him. You're not alone in this world who is raising a child alone. There are plenty out there, single mom and dads. Also, saying "I love you" is never hard for a guy. We could say it every time we want to and there are reasons for it(Guys sorry for telling). To get a girl to bed(desperate,isn't it?) to have somebody on a a very near valentines day (just to have a date), and the most cruel, to use her in times of need(money, projects, work report). Cruel isn't it? But some guys are really like that. But don't lose hope, somebody might come into your life and give colors to your world. Just keep in mind that the heart has no brain, it's you who can think clearly.
@unuzzz (1273)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 09
Hi there, Oh dear I'm sorry to hear such thing happened to you.. I think you should leave him, especially after what happened before Clearly he didn't even consider your own good and left you while you were carrying his baby If you see this guy as a great father and husband in the future, then you should considering him first I'm trying to be objective, but I'm afraid such betrayal will happen again All my prayers with you, Best regards, Jun :)
@unuzzz (1273)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 09
Hi there, Oh dear I'm sorry to hear such thing happened to you.. I think you should leave him, especially after what happened before Clearly he didn't even consider your own good and left you while you were carrying his baby If you see this guy as a great father and husband in the future, then you should considering him first I'm trying to be objective, but I'm afraid such betrayal will happen again All my prayers with you, Best regards, Jun :)
• India
22 Jun 09
Thats really sad to know about what happened to you. I am sorry to hear that. Its really very shameful to see something like this in real life. I mean i have seen all this in movies but not in real. Hats off to your love you have for him. Even after such a big incident, you still love him is strange. I were in your place, for sure i would have left him when he came back. Love is not about taking revenge and so i will do something similar to what he did, but there should be a respect in relation. If your patner is not respecting you, then he/she dont deserve you. You can stay happy with a new daddy of your daughter. I wont trust the old daddy as he left you in critical situation and now he is back just because he is not able to stay happy with other girl, or probably the other girl kicked him. Dont worry. Have faith in god.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
22 Jun 09
You have a child together. If there is any chance of working things out, I think you owe it to your child to give it your best shot. There is no way to predict whether a relationship is going to last forever or not. There is no way to know if he is lying or not. What has he to gain by telling you that he loves you if he doesn't? I think you should take things slow and see what happens. If you don't give him a chance then you'll never know and will always wonder. You say you love him so I think you should give it a try.