Is it possible to have respect for elders and question authority?

As you sow, so shall you reap. To gain respect from your children first you must respect your own elders in front of them. Not only that you have to respect each other too. We tend to take for granted that respecting each other is about enslaving each other. WE consider that respect is what we give to an authority figure, because we need to be in their good books. However, that is not respect, but disrespect since it is not something genuine. Respect towards elders or any person, as a matter of fact is about honoring or holding in esteem an individual. It implies regarding an individual as a person of value and virtue. We all expect respect from others. But then do we actually respect others? For instance, because we are adults we tend to take our parents for granted. We tend to get irritated by every suggestion they make simply because we think that we can never be wrong. We then admonish them or ignore them. We do not realize that our children copy or rather mimic us. They then treat us the same way. Apart from this even the way we address the servants, is the way our children will address them too. While your servant is hired by you and you have every right to give them orders the way you want, realize that they are still elders for your children. When you ill-treat or talk with disrespect to your servant, your child does the same thing. It is vital to teach your child how to respect each individual, in order for him or her to command his or her own respect. And it all begins with you as a parent. Another aspect we overlook is also the way we talk about people in front of our children. For instance, when we bad-mouth somebody in front of our children, they overhear our conversation, disrespect that person and put us into an embarrassing situation. So it is very vital that we watch our own actions and words in the presence of our children, otherwise it will spell trouble not only for us, but also for them, as there would be nothing beyond disrespect in the dictionary of upbringing.

It most certainly is though sometimes elders, like young people, need a lesson on what respect actually is. As long as one is not rude when expressing themselves elders are supposed to be mature enough to listen with open minds. They are also supposed to be wise enough to impart guidance if the new idea is somehow inapppropriate or not feasible. The trouble is that elders are not always good listeners and younger folk are often lacking in patience.

It is possible to respect the elders and question their authority at the same time. There is a proper way to do it. As a Malay I do not totally agree with Mr Ridswan. The elders want to be respected, and at the same time they do not mind being asked for clarification, or listening to new ideas. Unfortunately the young people are usually rather rude when asking questions, or when presenting their proposals. When they are rejected they become angry, instead of analysing the whole event to see where they went wrong. Most of them assume the elders are not up to date, therefore knowing nothing about things like advances made in technology. The "why" question should be asked first. This may be followed by a query whether any changes had been made before, and what actually happened after that. If the proposal contains ideas which have not been tried before, then ask whether a suggestion could be made or not. Most elders welcome this way. There is a Malay proverb describing a person like a tiger with sheathed claws. This should be borne in mind when talking to an elder. He or she may know a lot more that what we can see.

I can not see the connection between asking a question is equivalent to disrespect the elder's authority. In order to qualify as disrespect, the youngster has to swear or curse profanity on that elder while asking a question, and to question authority is when the young is disobeying the elder like own parent's order in carrying certain tasks . As far as i am concerned, asking a question from the young on elder is probably not allowed in Malay culture and is construed as lack of respect, so from cultural perspective, it is impossible to have both.

Hello Scheng, yes, I do think it is possible to respect one's elders in general, and still question the authority of some of them. No one should blindly accept another's authority, especially if the power is used in a bad way or in a way that no longer makes any sense...even if that power is in the hands of an elder. I believe good changes occur when people unite together to make new laws or invent new and better ways of doing things, by communication and education.

This is a nice topic. I think it is possible to respect the elders and question authority at the same time. If you want to ask something about a given rule/practice, go ahead. I think it is better to ask questions that by just simply following it without knowing the essence behind it. I guess that is real learning, knowing the why's and how's behind the what.

I think that respect for elders is very important. Look at history and you will see that when respect for the elders breaks down, the society begins a downward slide. Still, new ideas are important to keep a society fresh and prospering. You can disagree with the elders without showing disrespect, through discussion and education. Older people aren't stupid, they will change their minds if presented with facts in the right way. If they object strictly because it's new, you can't help it but most will agree with new ideas that improve the world.

I think what should firstly be considered is the definition of respect. Certainly an elder would see it as out of turn for a younger person to so much as question their ideals, their belief, even with the most honourable of intentions. I have to admit, I will not easily succumb to something that contradicts my way of life, for want of respect or not. I would never be deliberately impolite, always accepting of other peoples' opinions, I don't ever mean to cause offense but I simply could not uphold the moral principles of somebody else simply for the reason that they were older. Especially in considering that respect, by definition, works in both directions. Respect for elders should be deserved and should not be used as an excuse or a justification to be rude to the younger generations. Examples of this I have seen on more than one occasion when I have not been in the wrong but have been expected to come across as subservient to another point of view for no real reason other than respect for my elders. Challenging authority is the only way that we can evolve. We cannot afford not to evolve, with times changing as they are. To live in old-fashioned times would be nonsensical, pointless. We as people, as a society, need to adapt and challenging this is what encourages it. It is simply not fair to conform to the perspective that older people are always right and I believe this is a well demonstrated belief of people who are older, who command this very respect. Hindsight is a powerful tool but there are many things we've come to change as a community; the acceptance of black rights and gay rights, for example, that would have seemed deplorable half a century ago. As it is, times change... I do not believe for one moment that this is any reason to disrespect authority, on the contrary. But I believe that respect exists for everybody, not just the elders. Respect needs to be earned and earned alike. I largely agree that questioning authority can be done respectively and would believe this to be the best way to do so but to agree with something on the premise of being "too young to know better", I find wrong. As previously mentioned by dragon54u, older people aren't stupid but neither are younger people.

Good question.. Well I don't know if it is right but this is the way I look at it.. I respect my elders.. But if I do not understand something, or see it a different way I will voice my opinion with respect.. I do not see anything wrong with asking a question.. Or else you will never find out the answer.. I guess it has to do with my personality.. I can become the three year old version of "why"? When I am learning something new.. I figure if I ask all of the questions out front them when it is time for me to handle the task myself.. I will have the questions answered for the most part.. Then I will use logic and/or a bit of faith to get me through that particular task.. Now there are times that I do not agree with what my elders have to say, and/or authority figures have to say..Yes I may offend someone but well in the end I just try to speak the truth and the truth aint always friendly...