Would you tell them you disapprove knowing they might turn their backs on you?

@trinee (514)
Trinidad And Tobago
July 3, 2009 7:46am CST
If you strongly believe that a friend or relative is heading down the wrong road in their life, would you speak out and tell them even if it means that they would turn their backs on you? It could be as simple as they are wrong in their behaviour towards you or someone else or it could be that they are abusing alcohol or drugs. I would speak up but I would also think first and find a way to get my message and intent across to them before engaging them. It may not work and they may turn their backs on me but then again it might work and we both could learn something. To me it is worth trying. Share your thoughts on this please. Thank you...
2 people like this
15 responses
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
3 Jul 09
I had a family member tell me a while back to pursue my options more since I have more education than most and haven't used it at all since getting it. While what she told me was true, I have no problems with that, it still hurt for me to hear that but truth is truth. On the other hand, I feel my family member is one of those who will run and tell stuff and all, so to me, that aspect is what hurt.
@trinee (514)
• Trinidad And Tobago
5 Jul 09
If what you meant was that it is okay for someone to point out your challenges but when they use it against you like telling other people about it to make you look bad then I can understand that. It is not nice to do that at all and you don't feel the support and love that you need. I hope I understood you in the context you were referring.
@Soniasony (1827)
• India
3 Jul 09
I guess its worth giving a try , it may or may work out but try your best to convince him / her , or let their parents know what he is doing . Dont let a person head to wrong road which is within your knowledge.
@trinee (514)
• Trinidad And Tobago
3 Jul 09
To me it is worth trying. Sometimes it may not work out and you may end up being separated from someone you care about. I don't think that I could watch someone I care about head down the wrong road and stay silent about it. Thank you for sharing and have a great day.
• United States
17 Oct 09
I am not their mother so I wouldn't say "What you are doing is Wrong." but if they are doing something I think will harm them, I would just tell them that Iam worried for them and I hope they will stop.If they take this as yelling or mothering and turn their back on me , it is on them. I spoke from the heart and I would be sadden that they didn't herar me but I would be pleased that I said something.
• Philippines
15 May 11
Hi there trinee! If I believe that what they are doing is wrong, then I will have to tell them. If they would turn their backs on me, fine. I don't have to feel guilty about helping other people realize their mistakes. Besides, if they are real friends, they would understand. If not, then at least, I know I did my part.
@shinymood (405)
• China
6 Jul 09
I think my answer is yes even if they turn their backs on me. I had once told a friend that her getting marry with a certain man was a bad idea and that she would have to think twice before really jumped into marriage. She was angry at first at my saying so but then she began to understand that it was out of good will. She married that guy anyway, but we are still friends. I always believe in doing what I think is right because those who care for me wouldn't mind and those who mind I don't care.
• China
7 Jul 09
I will tell them the disapprove... i can't ignore the facts after i've noted, and i can't conceal the feeling due to their behavior and words,so i should tell them about all....
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
4 Jul 09
I have actually done this. The person was/is my grandaughter. She was stealing from me. I told her mother and stepfather. She told them it wasnt true and they sided with her. She doent talk to me anymore. I know beyond all doubt that she was guilty. Otherwise i never would have said anything. Im hoping that with age she will see the error of her ways and speak to me once again.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
3 Jul 09
Hey trinee! I am totally with you on this one! I would tell a friend or relative if I felt that they were doing something that I thought would harm them! But, I would also know that by doing this it could have the adverse affect and it could make them angry and turn away from me! It still wouldn't stop me! I have been down that road and have had people do it to me! I might not have been ready to listen, but I did appreciate that they took the time to try! So no matter what the outcome is, it is still better to try to help someone then not do anything!
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Depends on how close you are to the people in question, and how much you personally really care about them. Simply being a "friend" or "relative" does not mean you are really close. Being close means someone they trust, and they know you would only say what you need to say, because you actually want the best for them. Further, if you really care for them. Even if you are somewhat close, if in the back of your mind, your thoughts revolve around "well they deserve what they get" or "not my problem" or anything to that effect, then be aware that it may come out in the way you approach them, even if you don't mean to. Finely if you can safely say your are close enough, and you care enough, then the bottom line is, you should talk to them. Why? Because if you see they are on a road to destruction, and you do nothing, you really don't care much for them do you? You are showing through action, that you are more of an enabler, than a helper. And might they reject you? Absolutely. If your child is running towards the highway, are you going to not try and stop him on the grounds that he might reject you? Of course not. If your friend is driving his life over a cliff... what's the difference? If you are sure of what you know, and you care that much, you'll be willing to stake your friendship on what is best for your friend.
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
4 Jul 09
i would speak to another close relative and tell them what is going on and see if the two of us can help the person that is going do the wrong road. if what the two of us tell the person going down the wrong road helps that person and he/she does no speak to me then it is worth talking to him/her. someday that person will know that i was only trying to help them.
@mmlove (20)
• United States
3 Jul 09
It doesn't matter If you disapprove of what they doing.why? Because if your friend or relative is grown they know exactly what they are doing is wrong and it's like they doesn't have to listen to what anybody have to say because they grown and they make their own decision whether you like it or not.However you can get help for a friend or relative before something bad happens.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
4 Jul 09
If it's something serious I would definately speak up, and I have in the past. What i tried to do in my situation was let my loved one know that I was telling them what I was out of love for them. I never ever want to find myself in a position where I am saying to myself "if I had only said something earlier".....
• United States
4 Jul 09
Yes, the wrong road is never a good road. I'd tell someone
• New Zealand
5 Jul 09
i think it is definely worth trying and if it doesnt work atleast you know you tryed and then in the future they might come back and thank you wishing they'd listened
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
3 Jul 09
Hi trinee! Very thoughtful discussion!! If any of my relatives/friends is going on the wrong road in their life and if I come to know about it, I'll definitely warn her/him of the consequences. I feel that it is my duty to foretell him the dangers and perils lying ahead on the wrong path. S/he may not be as experienced as I am, therefore, s/he may be committing some errors of judgement. I won't mind, if s/he disapproves my suggestions/ideas, I'll definitely give it a try, s/he might listen to me and may start following the right path. It is also said that - "it is never too late to mend", therefore, I'll give it a try.