will you stay or will you run away??

Philippines
July 8, 2009 7:11am CST
my mother and i had a big fight today... i am a lesbian and she wanted me to change, she want me to be someone who i am not... i know she only wants the best for me and i understand that. and i know that being a homosexual is against the law of god, but this is the real me... i tried to change, but it is so hard to change a personality that you already have. i am so helpless, i want to run away from home and go to a place where i can be myself... where i can make my own decisions in life, where no one will control me... i want to be free T_T
3 people like this
23 responses
@zearah (5381)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Don't runaway even if you're far you can't be free from the shadow of your mother. She loves you, that's how a normal mother do. Better to stay and explain to her in a good way. If you feel she won't hear you then move as what she want you to. Provided you show to her how much you try to obey her. She will realize then if all she wanna let you do is proper for you or just a tie that would make you difficult to breath. No such mother could attain to see her daughter in vain. In general mothers are caring and loving. Understand her and let her understand your side!
2 people like this
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
T_T she's asking for too much... i can't breathe with the way she handles me, as if i am still a kid... i know she loves me, but it is so hurtful that even my own mother cannot accept me for who i am.... thank you zearah...
@zearah (5381)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Let the time justify! There could always be a time for recognition and acceptance keep on doing what is good as you believe.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
thank you for your support zearah =)
• China
9 Jul 09
If you running away ,your mother will be very heart-struck. Try to persuade.Give her more time to understand you.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
she knew about my sexuality, for about two r three years now... but until this day, she hadn't accept me yet... i tried to make her understand, i tried to be a good daughter to them, but still it's not enough
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
she doesn't want me to get a job... i am currently waiting for the result of our NLE... I really hope that i passed the board exam.
• China
9 Jul 09
It is sad. Maybe you can do something that she feel proud of you . For example , a good job.
@imsilver (1665)
• Canada
8 Jul 09
Running away won't help. I agree. You need to find a place where you can be yourself and be free. But you won't get anywhere by running from the people who love you. You have to try to work with everyone involved. Your mom may never understand you but she will always love you. A mother's love can't die. Even is she says it has. It's important that you give her a chance to see you for who you are. She's worried and to see you doing your own thing but still being happy at it for her own eyes would probably go along way to fixing things. You may have to back away for a bit until things calm down but please don't do anything you'll regret later in life.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jul 09
you need to learn to be self-sufficient in your life. I was on my own at 18. I could not imagine being 21 and still under my parents thumb. independence = freedom.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
that's what i am thinking about... i don't want to regret if i would run away... i love my mom, but it's just too hard for me to do what she asks me to be... sigh...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I would not advise you to run away. Right now you are living at mom's place and that is your home too. Your profile says that you are 21. If I were you, I would work and save up for a place of my own. When you have your own place then mom may not like your lifestyle but she won't have the power to try to change you into something you are not. I hope in time that your mom will come to understand that this is just how your are and accept you for yourself.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jul 09
best of luck to you. It is the only way if you want your freedom. As long as you are living under their roof...it is their rules like it or not.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
yes, i thought of applying for a job, but they dopn't want me to... they are not supportive when it comes to the fact that i'll be looking for a job that fits me... i want to help them too...i hope i'll be able to get a job within this week so that i can support myself
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Running away won't solve your problems. If you run away you can't escape the fact that your mother hasn't accepted you yet. I think the best thing to do is talk to your mom. Try to make her understand that you are what you are and that you're still her daughter no matter what kind of gender you choose. Your mom won't be able to accept you easily cause maybe your mom has a different way of thinking. Maybe she's not that open-minded to such situations but time will come she will get over it. At least have the patience to make her accept you if you really want to live free. Being able to be accepted by your own family is already freedom itself. Just continue to be a good daughter and make her proud in other ways. She may have failed to raise you as a daughter but I'm sure she'll be proud of you in many other things. Hope that helps. Ciao!
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Your mom won't be able to accept you easily like what I've said. Don't force her that you would make her angry and start a fight. For now just continue to be you and be a good daughter. Even if she's mad at you continue to love, serve and understand her. I know it's difficult but that's the best thing you can do cause time will come she'll realize that you are what you are. Praying can also help.
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
i tried to talk to her about this so many times... but still, her response is that i have to change myself... thank you so much for this comment
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 09
First of all its NOT against any thing,and far not against god! If he did not want you this way he would have not made you this way. Now as I say this,this is why your mom want you to change.She feel that you are not happy with your self.For when you say things like "...I know that being a homosexual is against god law..."When you can accept you for you then others can to!
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
i accept myself... it's just that there are people who cannot accept my sexuality... i'm through with the "identity crisis" phase... i know myself, and i love myself.
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
i don't think that you get my point here... don't take things literally
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
i appreciate your comments... thank you
@neknek (249)
• Philippines
25 Jul 09
don't run away... yet. without a job. with having a job you have an excuse to move out of the house. just plain running away will hurt your mom even more. this probably doesn't sound good, but since you already tried changing yourself, talking with your mom and everything, you could just ignore what your mom(and other people) says *i told you this doesn't sound very good*. she's your mother, she'll accept you being a lesbian eventually.
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I believe it is best for you to stay with your Mother, even if she does not understand you but she loves you. I am not sure who is qualified to speak for God, one of these days we will find out what he wants, for the time being continue to be yourself and other things will fall into place, I hope that one day you and your mom will be able to talk things and for her to accept you the way you are. Take care please.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
25 Jul 09
as i parent myself, if one of my kids came to me and told me that they are i dont think i would be like super mad, but maybe upset just because no grandkids. but i think most parents who are older then me, are stuck in thier way and dont want to except newer things such this. even though i'm not gay but some of my ways make my dad upset and he often get on me on what i should do or belive. but like i told him i have my own belife and he dont really have to like them but still respect me as a person. but give her time and talk to her about it, just keep real to yourself.
@jellymonty (2352)
14 Jul 09
As sad as it is that you are a lesbian, running away is never a solution but an addition to bigger problems. As long as you are a lesbian you will never be on the same page as your mum. Of course your mum cannot make you change your mind. It has to start with you. If you want peace with your mum, and peace with yourself then you must be willing to let go of such an "abominable" lifestyle. You obviously know that it is against God's law to be a lesbian so why give your mum misery by living a life that is not worth of you? One of the ten commandments is that you obey your parents as they are your guardians here on earth. You will never be free as long as you know in the back of your mind that lesbianism is a complete crime against not only God but the laws of nature. One thing I know is that even though homosexuality is glamourised but every single person who chooses to be a homeosexual will suffer the consequenses of not only rejection but also you will never have peace of mind, peace with others or peace in your life in general. Submit to God, ask him to help you overcome this horrible lifestyle and be willing to let it go if not for your sake but for your mother's sake. Pray to him, he is waiting to hear from you. Trust me, God will sort you out if only you ask him! That is the only way you will be free. Freedom doesn't not mean doing whatever you want. Freedom means living in peace, harmony and love with one another.
@marguicha (212931)
• Chile
14 Jul 09
You have to talk with your mother cm. But before you do, you have to understand yourself better and also accept what you are. Being a lesbian is not against the law of god. Once you understand that it will be easier to tell your mother how you feel. Nobody really changes. Ever. We are as we are and the people who love us should accept us like that. But the first acceptance should come from your own self. Love yourself as you are and you will feel free inside to be able to fight to be you. Your mother loves you, but mothers many times think they know what´s better for their children. And daughters are children to mothers no matter what age they are. So first talk with yourself, then to your mother. I am an heterosexual woman 64 years old with daughters and grandchidren. I am talking from experience. Take care and never run away.
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
thank you, marguicha for making me understand the side of my mother... i accepted myself long before they knew about my personality... thank you for understanding and enlighting my way. =)
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I understand your need to be free and to run, but running is not the answer, your mom loves you and she will come around, you are her daughter and this is not the life she wants for you, it is not that it is a bad thing, just know that she does truly love you and she will come around.
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
thank you for your comment... this is just too hard for me T_T
@cbeee3 (2061)
• India
8 Jul 09
girl crying all alone - The girl is crying all alone
I feel for you cmnavarro. It must be heart breaking for you when your mom does not understand and accept you for who you are. May be she is just scared. Although, a lot of people accept homosexuality, some are still against it and maybe she fears for your well being. Being a homosexual is not wrong. It is not unnatural according to me. It may be uncommon, but it is by no means unnatural. It is not a choice you make, it is who you are. I have read a lot on the subject as I have way too many doctors in the family and biology and anatomy runs in my blood. LOL. So please be comfortable in your own skin. Running away is not a solution. Your mom still loves you. You just need to continue being a good daughter and try other methods to make her understand.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
yes... it's who i am... thank you for understanding my situation, i hope i'll get through this someday...
@nigarish (70)
• India
9 Jul 09
"yeah hi dear...don't feel to bad for your moms attitude...u must have thought it before hand...means wen you was about to realise that you are a lesbian...for now and forever you have to be patience ...beacause society have a very narrow feeling abourt homosexuality...you or your mom both are correct on their side ...but its you whois facing more problem....if you try to configure than you will find that your mom is right.....but i am not asking you to folllow her.....i just simply asking you that yuo must live like you are ...if you think you are right and happy than lives the way you want it.....without listning to anyone and have that status that no one could asks you for answere......have a happy living"
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
i understand your side and so thus your mother...but, running away cannot solve your problem right now.in fact, there's a possibility that it might get worst if you run away... stay close to your mom even there is misunderstanding between you and her.whatever happened, your mom is still your mom and you, is still her daughter.what is happening right now will be okay someday, somehow... wait the time for acceptance.i know, your mom loves you so much that's why she wants you to change but then, time will come that she will understands you...all she needs is time... give time... just wait... don't ever run away... show to her that you understand her and try to talk to her seriously in a good way. show respect to her... someday, she will come to realize that what you are right now is the real you that she needs to accept.
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
No don't do that. I guess your mother couldn't accept you yet as of the moment. You are not the only one who has a problem like this..Sooner if you know how to go along with your mother, sooner or later you could win her acceptance. Never run away with your mother. As long as your conscience is clean though you're a homosexual then nothing to worry about...take it easy. If you go away the risk and chances of having fully a homosexual are higher than staying your mother. If you want to fight your real sexuality then stay still at your mother's custody...Take it easy..
@ashia101 (203)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
Well I used to ran away. I thought I need a break from all those people. It made me tough enough to face challenges in the future. i learned so many things in life, and Came to realize how family is important.It's not like I encourage you to ran away, you can take take a vacation and think for a while without someone who bugs or nags at you.
@fkys509 (99)
• China
9 Jul 09
hi, cmnavarro. I see your feeling. Do not know your age or if you are old enough to get a job. If so, I think you can be independent (especially on ecnomic aspect) from your parents, to another place (may be not far from them is OK). If you are too young or still on school, I think try to get some help from others (such as local familiy issue consulting agency, related socail communities or related network/union for your guys). Hope you'd be better. Do not be so disappointed. Keep communication with others always.
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
Be careful in making your decisions. i think it would be better if you tell your mum that your sorry and keep on cheering her up. Maybe she'll change her mind when she sees that you're not bad at all (as a lesbian). Impress them with your talent and prove them that being a lesbian doesn't change you as a person.
@DrPain (31)
• United States
9 Jul 09
Although being a lesbian is against Gods laws. God loves all his children. We all sin and you mom has to understand that. I am pretty sure there are things that she do that are not in the site of God. In my opinion be who you are. No one can control you anyway.