Would you take advise from your ex on choosing a future partner?
By tjades
@tjades (3591)
Jamaica
July 15, 2009 6:11pm CST
I must say that I thankfully did not had a bitter parting with any of my ex.
I am in this position now where these guys will check up on any guy I am dating to ensure that I am not making a mistake. I value their concern once they maintain a respectable distance and are not biased and judgemental.
I appreciate the extra pair of eyes every now and again. The final decision of course lies with me.
Some may say they should stay out of it and I should find out what I may as I go along but I say naaaww.
I value the opinion of family and friends on the person I am dating. I watch for the unspoken thoughts. Things they may choose to reserve in respect of my feelings.
All my friends are screened this way and so far I have great friends.
Would you take such advise from your ex if he/she was a reasonable person?
5 people like this
9 responses
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
17 Jul 09
You are right, tjades. At the end of the day, it's us that are going to make the decisions for ourselves. Opinions and advices are just guidelines that we can look into, pick up the good ones and leave the bad.
I value opinions, but more often than not, I will always listen and follow my gut instincts.
As for your question on this discussion, I think if an ex is on good terms with me, I will not hesitate to get a 2nd opinion, really. They would know what we are like and all and would give a better judgment all around.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
17 Jul 09
Once the person has my best interest at heart I have no problem listening to their opinions at all. I am always mindful though that my friends and loved ones can be biased without meaning to, so my judgement and gut instincts as you say will definately form my final decision.
Thanks for your comment Zed 
1 person likes this
@doglady112 (604)
• Canada
16 Jul 09
I don't think this is such a good idea. An ex is an ex for a reason and maybe you should be counting on your girlfriends to help you make this decision. I would think that an ex would not have your best interest at heart.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
17 Jul 09
My ex and I never parted with any ill feelings. Its just like our relationship became a very good friendship. The reasons for ending the relationship were very good ones but we have always been very open with each other.
That openness still exist in our friendship so I trust and listen to his opinion as much as he values mine.
Thanks for sharing Doglady
@doglady112 (604)
• Canada
18 Jul 09
I'm glad that you have such a good relationship with your ex. I admit it sounds pretty impossible, anyway sorry if I
offended you. I didn't mean to .
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
16 Jul 09
My ex husband gave me some advice before I married the second time but I did not listen to him. We didnt part on good terms and my ex had alot of resentment towards me. He made it very difficult on me and my husband when we were dating but we stuck it through and we have a great marriage. My ex and I finally have a good relationship for the sake of our daughter but that only came after my three kids. My ex treats them like they were his.
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
I don't think I would ask an ex about relationship matters. When it comes to emotions, there is no better way to get advice than to get them from people you are not emotionally involved with.
@angelparis (58)
• India
16 Jul 09
well i gues no1 on earth wud take ex advice ........may b coz who noes he mite not give a good advice or some where in this mind if he wants to take revange from you this condition is when u dont get depart mutually .........if this is not the condiotn then i guess dats the other side of ur thngsss
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
16 Jul 09
This is not in my experience of life. I met my future husband as a very young girl at College and then when we married I cam with him to Jamaica. We were always very loyal to each other and never discussed any problem that we may have had with any friend or family member. We sorted it out ourselves. I odn't think that I owuld have taken advice form anyone. I got to know him in the very old fashioned way of dating for a long period before marriage. I made up my own mind.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
17 Jul 09
Ha...the old school method 
. I guess my mom would have appreciated that.
At this stage I doubt Id date for a long time but my ex and I have been friends for a number of years encompasssing the time before, during and after our relationship. This is the reason we share our opininons with each other.
For some reason even as a shy teenager I never used to think that the first guy I became friends with would ultimately become my husband. I guess thats the way it has happened .I have friends who like you have married their first love though and thats great.
Thanks for sharing Cynthiann.
. I guess my mom would have appreciated that.
At this stage I doubt Id date for a long time but my ex and I have been friends for a number of years encompasssing the time before, during and after our relationship. This is the reason we share our opininons with each other.
For some reason even as a shy teenager I never used to think that the first guy I became friends with would ultimately become my husband. I guess thats the way it has happened .I have friends who like you have married their first love though and thats great.
Thanks for sharing Cynthiann.
@licelotd (54)
• United States
16 Jul 09
It depends on your relationship with your ex. However, I also think it could get uncomfortable. Therefore, i would not want to damage a good relationship with him. So, i would respectufully ask him to let me make my own decisions, plus i have family and friends that could be my extra eyes.
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
16 Jul 09
I am not so sure that I would put much weight on what my ex has to say. I would listen of course but we are ex's for a reason. We were not right for each other.
I indeed pay attention to my family and take into consideration what they say, or don't say, but, like you, I still would have to make the final decision.
If your relationship with your ex has developed into a good friendship then of course you could consider what they say but only use it as another perspective and never let it decide anything. You are the one that should know your future partner better than anyone in your family. If you don't then you have done it wrong.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
16 Jul 09
Yes that is the case. We are good friends and we will have disagreements about their views on certain things but it all serves to help me make an informed dicision.
The final dicision does rest with me. Their opinions are only guides to making these decision. Thanks for sharing Brooks
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Jul 09
I don't know. Maybe. If we had parted mutually and were on good terms and I felt that he had no agenda whatsoever other than to be helpful to me, maybe.
@janzelaine12 (130)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
I guess, that would depend on how my relationship is with my ex. If we have decided to remain friends, then I would not take it against him. If he would like to help me find someone better. It would not really be a bad idea. I would keep my options open because in the end it would be that is going to decide. It would be unfair if you won't give him any chance to choose someone perfect for you. If we are not in good terms, I would anticipate that he has a hidden agenda.
