Teens and Girlfriends/Boyfriends - Specifically my teen and his girlfriend

United States
July 16, 2009 3:09pm CST
So, I have a 14 year old boy that wants to be 25 but doesn't act anything like it. The rule WAS no girlfriends and/or dating until the age of 16. Well, I find out last month that he has had a girlfriend for the past 5 (6 now) months. I know and knew I could not stop him from liking girls, but having a serious girlfriend was a NO NO!! I have been there done that, was not really given any rules by my mother, so I had boyfriends all the time. Anywho...I did not want my son to waste his time and attention on girls when it needs to be on school. Oh, and before I go on, not only was I blind sided by the news, I had also been lied to. I HATE being lied to. We had asked him on a few occasions if he had a girlfriend (like we wouldn't notice all the texts on his phone) and he said no. Then, he came up with some story about where he got a new Vans t-shirt around Valentines day. So, needless to say I told him his phone was going to be taken away. He had a 3 week trip to go on to Texas A&M for a class he was taking, so I let him keep it for that, but when he got home, it was taken away for a month. OMG! His life was over. He cried and pouted. I did allow him 2 hours on the phone with her, but that was it, no more and no chatting on line. He wanted to take her out for their 6 month anniversary (with her mom and me there), but I turned that down and said that is too much like a date. I said no dating until 16 and that is how it will be. I told him I don't like the girlfriend thing, but have not 'made' him break up with her because he will do it anyway, just he has done for the past 6 months. I know this is just the beginning but when will it end? I am secretly hoping she will break up with him because she will eventually think I am too mean or something...
1 person likes this
10 responses
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
17 Jul 09
Just so you realize, by making him miserable he wants to be with this girl more now than ever before. I have a 15 yr old who has had girlfriends for the last couple of years. It is all harmless. They go out on dates with groups of friends. It is normal for 14 yr olds to have boyfriends/ girlfriends. If you support him and trust him, he will learn that he can be honest with you. If you are going to keep punishing him for liking a girl you are going to alienate him. You might want to rethink your situation here.
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
17 Jul 09
I have to say I agree...he will want to be with her more, AND, go to whatever lengths to do so which would mean more lying, some sneaking around and so on...and for the most part it IS all just harmless (assuming the parents/caregivers have raised their kids right...I sadly know quite a few teens around here who are sexually active have no respect for themselves etc and I DEFINATELY blame their parents who really suck in that dept..) If you support him and trust him, he will learn that he can be honest with you. If you are going to keep punishing him for liking a girl you are going to alienate him. EXCELLENT point!! and so very true
@yoyokiwi (31)
• China
2 Sep 09
Well,I think it's quite normal for a teenager.I'm 17 years old but with no boyfriend,because my parents never allow me to have one.Otherwise,I want to spend more time studying as well.Their opinions are too conservative.If my parents support me,I think I would have a boyfriend at the age of 14 or so.You can give him advice,but you can't forbid him forcibly.I believe there do exist balance between girlfriend and study...Perhaps you can seek for his advice about things he want to learn,his interests, in other words,and achieve his dreams.By developing his interests,he might not spend so much time with her little girlfriend. I hope my suggestion is helpful to you.~\(???)/~
• Australia
2 Sep 09
ok im 15 and i have a bf whos 14 his mother is just like you once he told her he had a gf she said he couldnt see me anymore and stuff like that. she rang up my mother and said that it was over between us, he didnt even do it himself. now he just wants to see me more then he did before and talk to me more he snecks around finds ways to talk to me. i tell him to just let it go because it will get him in trouble but he wont. I really liked him and i meet his mother and she was quite mean to me. Seiously hes 14 he can make his own choices. We never did anything more then hug and hold hands and we wernt planing too. it was more like we were really close friends then actualy boyfriend and girlfriend. she has now taken his life away hes not aloud to see his friends, not aloud out of the house, cant ring anyone. He lost everything he had , hes now becoming depressed and sad. why dont mothers undersatnd that it is not their life and we are old enough to make our own destions. i told my mum that i had a bf she said it was fine she justs wants to meet him. Its not as big off a deal as u think it is. Give them a chance, and trust ur son if not hes going to turn on u and leave the house to be with her. I just wish i could tell his mother this so she would understand :( xoxo
@ckhair13 (185)
• United States
19 Jul 09
When I was 14 I had a boyfriend, BUT we did not go to the same school so the only time we could see each other was one weekends & it had to be at my house under my parents' supervison...we were allowed to hold hands & that was it...we had to stay in the living-room or kitchen & were not allowed to go in my bedroom even if the door was opened...if we wanted to do anything or og anywhere we had to have one of our parents' come with us...we hated the rules, but we complied with them if we wanted to be able to see each other...eventually we got bored & after 3 months we broke up & that was the end of that...I had a few bfs after that & we pretty much had the same rules until I was older like 16 or 17...at the time I hated the rules, but now I have a daughter & cannot even imagine her having a bf at 13 or 14, but I know it will happen most likely & she will have to follow our rules if she wants to date anyone & hopefully the bf's parents will agree with me....
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
17 Jul 09
Yeah, I understand. Teenagers just want to be free nowadays. My own mother told me that I'm not allowed to date until I'm out of college (LOL). Try talking to him, letting him know the reasons why you act this way. Calm down. He'll see himself through. This is sorta normal. Just make sure he understands what is important right now, and that he should be focused entirely on his schoolwork, because that is the key to his life. God bless you.
• India
17 Jul 09
dont change ur behaviour towards him so sudden.. act slowly n steadily.. try 2 divert his attention sumwhere else... if u ll act angrily, it might hav adverse effects at a later stage.
@lizzrr (135)
17 Jul 09
I'm not a mother, but I know where I stand. But I have to say, if I were a mother of a 14 year old boy I'd let him have a girl friend. I know it's normal for a mother to worried about their children, but hey it might be just a fun relationship, don't stop him from having girl friend because he might find it hard to find a girl one day, but do keep an eye on him. =)
@cbeee3 (2063)
• India
17 Jul 09
I think he needs your love and support right now.I am afraid, if you are too strict with him he will do things behind your back and lie to you all the time. After all he is not a very small child.Also, human tendency in general is to break rules when one feels really suffocated. I think its best you talk to him and set the ground rules straight and let him date.Then you can at least tell him that you have seen him feel miserable and changed the rule and how much it would hurt you if he did not abide by the new rules you have laid out.I also believe it is important for you to tell him that you will be willing to talk to him about anything and he does not need to lie.I am sure he lies as he is afraid. I hope things work out.God bless!
• United States
17 Jul 09
Hehe..I am not sure if it ever truly ends. I am going through almost the same things that you are with my teenage step daughter, the only difference is is that she lives with her mother and there aren't any of those type of rules for her so it is a lot harder to try and apply them here when she is only here for a short while. She just turned 15 last month and has been boy crazy since she was about twelve seriously. Her father and I are always saying how we don't understand at such a young age she can be so crazy into boys. In her mind she honestly thinks that life is over if she doesn't have a boyfriend at that time and always has her cell phone attached to her hand, she will be on it until she falls asleep with it in her hand and as soon as her eyes open she has it flipped open and checking her messages. I don't know how she finds that many people to text with. I don't know I just find it crazy anymore how young these kids are and thinking they have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and they all think they have to be serious and they all say I love you so freely...when I was 15 I might of thought boys were cute but wasn't dating and even if I had it wasn't my life...they think they have to be together for life and get married or something...it is just nuts. A little bit of a tip though...you can wish this girlfriend away all you want but there will just be another one right there ready to take her place~ Trust me we went through that as well with my step daughter..she had a boy for over a year that we didn't much care for and wanted her to get rid off and there was just another one that was just as annoying LOL...and I don't think it is so much that the boy was that awful of a kid it was just the fact that he was dating our daughter :)
@deebomb (15319)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Things have changed so much since my kids were that age. They didn't have cell phones and were not allowed to date until they were at least 16. They could meet someone at a school function at 14 but that was the extent of it at 14. When they got to be old enough to date they really weren't that interested. They would go out in groups. It seems that your son id not trust worthy so If it were me he wouldn't have a cell phone until he proved he was again. If he needs to make any phone calls let him use your cell or the house phone. Kids that age will have some type of boy or girlfriend. My granddaughter kept telling me she was dating at 10. we lived on a military instillation and had a playground near by. To her dating was them hanging out at the playground. It doesn't take much for a kid to feel that their life is over at 14. I think I would require him to give the shirt back.