Here I go ...Once More...

United States
July 20, 2009 12:52pm CST
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to resist.I can't really explain myself to well to the people who love me most. I know this is me, but the why? Ok I have to be the worlds biggest dreamer. Practical sense, what is that I know this is a life lesson, cause it keeps happening. I'm a smart women, I know lots of things, I understand lots of things....I keep my nose clean for the most part. Ah well, I just ended a seventeen year relationship..or rather he ended it.. I don't think that part matters, lets say we both did, but here is my question This is the fourth or fifth time that a good friend of mine has taken my place behind my back. I feel like I have the letter L on my forehead, what am I missing? What really sucks is that this one really matered, I loved him like know other...And the young lady that took him was someone I loved too. I really cared for her. She and I had been through some rough times...She was going with a friend of mine. They had there first baby and she died.It just tore us all up. She and my friend ended up , well you know they just didn't make it through this troubled time . I was always there for her birthdays I tried so hard to give her things she could beleve in, to care for herself.I helped pay for her babies funeral, and when she got pregnant again I got her to the doctors and got her out of her depression. I don't remember my husband doing anything for her. Oh she could come over, but he didn't spend money or time on her. never went to celebrate her birthday's, none of that stuff. He was never a shoulder for her to cry on.He didn't go to her baby shower, or the funeral,none of it. When she had her little boy, it was me that went to the hopital, got the car seat, celebrated. He never joined in. What I'd like to know is why would she pick someone who didn't really care for her and sure didn't care for me? Why would she give up a truly loving and caring friend, for someone who would do such dirt to someone who cared for her? Did she really believe that this would work out, when it cost someone who loved them dearly so much? I blame him for for hurting us both. By coming between two good friends. She has her blame as well. But the problem was ours and he made it hers. What I don't get is how could she ever believe that this could be right? Yes I'm traveling down lifes road but.... can anyone help me with this?
1 person likes this
1 response
• United States
20 Jul 09
I don't know how to give you advice in how to get through this. I do know how it feels though. At one time I had to take a moment at a time. Then and now it is day by day to keep going. It is hard to give heart advice to another. It was hard for me to hear it from others. How to just let it go, move on with your life. I felt that my life was just over for awhile. I felt it was just another failure to add to that long list I already had going that others were saying about me. Today I work each day to try and keep looking forward. Problem for me is finding that 'whatever' to keep going. This is one of them, here in mylot, reading and answering different discussions. I have lost alot in the last few years and for some reason I am still trying to look up, trying to push forward, trying to find solutions to be able to stop this spiral of failures to finally stop. I hope you are able to get through and let go so that you can LIVE. I know it is easier said then done. The heart hurts and we sometimes can't ignore it, it hits. It is a choice to let it continue or just mourn what was so that you can move on.