Divorce :/

Germany
July 23, 2009 4:10am CST
My husband and I have recently decided to get divorced. I can most definitely say this wasn't expected a year ago. I personally have never been one for divorce, but as they say "you live and learn". Of course it makes it so much more difficult that he is Army and we are stationed in Germany. It has been a ride to say the least trying to get the Army to send me home with my things. I have an amazing support system back home and I am just ready to get back on my feet! How do you feel about divorce? I know many people don't believe in it for numerous reasons including religious and how they were brought up. Were you raised in a divorced family setting? Do you think it is more accepted these days than it was ten years ago?
5 people like this
15 responses
@maximax8 (31166)
• United Kingdom
23 Jul 09
My parents were married for 23 years I think. However they got divorced when I was 10 years old. They had got separate beds so they began to drift apart before that time. I met an Australian man when I was traveling around the world when I was 20 years old. We began dating and it was difficult when my visa ended. I left Australia and went to travel around Asia. He came over to my home country when I got home. He proposed and we got married. We had a bay son. Our marriage lasted 6 years and then we got divorced. Nobody marries expecting to get divorced one day. However some couples can be incompatible. Divorce is more acceptable these days in my home country. Children can suffer emotionally for about 2 years following their parents split up. Good luck.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Jul 09
I think children continue to suffer when their parents divorce for longer than 2 years. I was raised by parents who did fight in front of us but never divorced (my mother passed away 7 1/2 years ago); my father used to say quite often later in their marriage that he couldn't take much more and that he was going to leave. I entered into a marriage for all the wrong reasons, and realized quickly I wanted to get out. My ex wouldn't let me go, and caused me a great deal of pain by not letting go of our marriage--it was never meant to be. His repeated insistence of fighting in front of our child resulted in one messed up kid, and I feel for her (he has custody now).
@Angelgirl16 (2173)
• United States
23 Jul 09
Hi, I, too, am divorced without the desire to be. Sometime the pain still surface, but then I remember how far I have come without my husband. You could say that my sweet revenge is my success, and the fact that he admitted, after a few years of running through relationships that didn't last, he sat down on the side of the bed and cried a river of tears. When I got married, I really thought it was going to be forever, but as you said,"you live and learn." I wish you all the best in your future. Cry, the stand! Stand with your shoulders back, and step forward.
• United States
23 Jul 09
I hate how marriage is only about benefits these days. Nobody cares about the sanctity of the word. I wish people wouldnt take it so lightly. If you want to be married find someone who actually cares about you and you can trust. This is one of the reasons why Im afraid to get married. You cant even trust your partner anymore let alone the family you are marrying into. Everyone is waiting to see what you can do for them and not accepting you for being their loved ones significant other.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38980)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
In my country divorce is not a legal matter.But,couples who are not happy with their partners can file legal separation,as same equal with divorced. If you had to ask my opinion on this matter,i am against divorce or separation.It is hard to live with someone you feel doesn't love and care for you anymore,or let's say..love is fading already in between.So, i guess,it is better to have separate lives rather than hurting each others feeling. And yes,divorce is more acceptable now in every society,every country,even Asian countries and religious countries.It is the couples choice anyway and not the religion or the community...it's between the two people concerned.
1 person likes this
23 Jul 09
I think that for many people the first thing they think of is divorce instead of the work that it takes to fix the problem. I do believe their are reasons to get a divorce, like abuse and cheating. But do not look for an easy out, getting divorced is long and painfull and if you have children it makes it ten times worse. Remember if you have children you still have to deal with each other for the rest of your children's lives. Even after they grow up there will be weddings, birthdays and other events.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15402)
• United States
23 Jul 09
I don't feel good about divorce of anybody, I think it is a very sad thing :-( I am sorry to hear you are getting divorced... I think live and learn is right but I don't think giving up easy in a marriage is good , I'm recently having troubles with my husband as well... but I never thought of getting divorced with him because we took a long time to get together and I LOVE him... it is really sick though... I love him but I'm really mad at him about something right now...
1 person likes this
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
23 Jul 09
Will I can tell you I am a preachers daughter is that tells anything. My parents have been married for 47 years. My parents do not believe in divorce, but in certain situations it is needed. Everyone can not have a marriage like theres. I am divorced and re-married and so is my sister. Both of us had some rocky marriages. Mine lasted for 14 years of abuse. Divorce is accepted more these days because slot people get married for the wrong reasons and it just does not work. Do not beat yourself up about the divorce? It is okay and will be okay. Women of today are alot stronger and more independent. I am very proud how far we have come in todays society. Once you get to your support system things will seem alot better.
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11164)
• Indonesia
23 Jul 09
My husband and I are experiencing. we had decided to divorce, but because the family does not and the children, we still survived. even though our relationship is not harmonious, such as during early marriage. for my child trying to survive, even though the heart sick, but I still try to survive.
1 person likes this
@sahira (1071)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
I'm sorry to hear that, I know how it feels to be in your situation..Divorce is not a good practice because aside from the family that will be broken, i think love and respect between the two couple will be lost also.I am not from a broken family and I a strongly disagree from that kind of separation.I hope people will realize how painful and destroying divorce is.
@hsofyan (3447)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
23 Jul 09
I grieve over consecutive events that you experienced. I pray that divorce does not happen to you. Divorce is not fun. But both of you only know the most is the best way out. If you have children, they need to be given the understanding that can be received by them. Hopefully you can get the wisdom behind this case, and contemplate the future with a smile and spirit.
1 person likes this
@shimanaja (494)
• Indonesia
24 Jul 09
Hi dear friend.. I feel sorry for your situation now.. I think you're right that we "live and learn"...It's so difficult decision you made. I dont know..may be i felt sad as you are..if i were u.. But dont ever give up..cause there are more happy life waiting for you as long you strong and tough.. Happy mylotting!
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
24 Jul 09
Divorce now is very common indeed . Many divorces happen every day around our city and country . Yeah there are a lot of reasons for people getting divorce . i don't have a divoiced family setting and my parents get on well with each other for years. i learn a lot from them. Here i jsut hope that you can find your true love soon.
@blueunicorn (2408)
• United States
23 Jul 09
I have been married to my husband for nine years, and we almost got divorced at one point. I have one suggestion. PLEASE give a trial seperation a try. For us, it was the best thing that happened to our relationship. We were one step away from signing the divorce papers when we realized we were being ridiculous. After some counseling and "getting real" with each other we were able to work through our problems. It was worth a second try, and our relationship now is better than it was before. On the other hand, I did divorce my first husband. With that relationship we both knew there was nothing there to save. Only you can tell if there is even a string of hope to hang onto. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
@janzki (49)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
when things cannot be fixed then why hold on to the relationship? it would be less of a trauma going on through the divorce process than your children seeing you quarrel all the time for a lifetime.
• United States
23 Jul 09
I think divorce is more accepted then it was 10 years ago. I do think it should be a last resort. Couples should try counseling bfore divorce. Sometimes however it doesn't matter what you do your marriage just does not work anymore. I think sometimes divorce is nessasary. I know it is a hard choice regardless and I wish you luck. I hope everything works out for the best. I am sure it will;-)