I miss my Mom!

@Riptide (2761)
United States
July 29, 2009 7:54pm CST
July 11th was the 10 year anniversary of my Moms death. I don't even know why they call it an anniversary, since it's certainly not an event to be celebrated. Even though it has been 10 years, I still miss her terribly. I like remembering her and thinking about all the things she has said and done, but if I linger too long I think about how she died and it brings back all the pain and grief. My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1998 and passed away from this horrible illness a year and a half year later. She was only 59 and was looking forward to enjoying retirement with my Dad. She was the most wonderful lady I have ever known. She was loving, caring and selfless. She was a mother hen and always made sure her little ones were taken care off, no matter how old they were. She told me once that she doesn't care how old I am, I will always be her baby. I am the youngest of five (we were 6 for a short while) children, so she doted on me a lot, especialy after my little sister passed away at the age of 1. The night she died, was the most horrible night of my life. My brother came knocking on my door at 2 in the morning and I knew then that this was what I was afraid off. The doctor has already come and gone by the time we got there and has given my Mom a strong painkiller. I held her hand until she passed away. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I knew that this was the least I could do for her. This moment haunts me to this day, but I would do it again if I had to, because I love my Mom and she would have done the same for me, no matter how painful. I urge everybody out there to love your Mom with all their heart and show it every change you get, because you don't know how long you will have her around. I know I will always miss her, but I hope it will get easier to talk about her as more years pass. Pancreatic cancer is a horrible disease and if you ever have a chance to take part in a walk for the cure or something similar, please consider doing so. I know I certainly will. Do you have a hard time to talk about deceased loved ones? Do you try to help to fight cancer?
1 person likes this
3 responses
• United States
31 Jul 09
Crying my eyes out for you! I'm sorry for your pain, I know it hurts, but I know your mom was probably very happy to have you with her at the end. She's watching over you now smiling at the wonderful caring woman that you are now. I miss my dad too, but you already know that. I don't know what I'd do without my own mom, I'm so sorry that yours was taken from you by the cruel disease of cancer. Thank you for sharing your story, it is very beautiful even in its sadness. I bet you will touch the hearts of many who read it and a lot of moms will be getting surprise "I love you" calls from their grown children today thanks to you. BIG HUGS, Rip! I love you!
1 person likes this
@Riptide (2761)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I know how much you must miss your dad and he was very lucky to have such a wonderful and caring daughter like you. I have declared a personal war against cancer the day my mom was diagnosed and against saccharin, because I believe that this nasty stuff caused it. I might never fully heal from the pain, but talking about it and having caring and loving friends like you definetely helps. Big Hugs to you kitty and I love you too!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jul 09
Sorry for the mini rant - PTS moment. I love you too.
• United States
31 Jul 09
my two best friends lost someone special to cancer and it still hurts them to this day. u may never get over it but that is ok. i couldnt imagine losing my mom. she is my best friend and my support especially when i became a mother myself. i hate when i see kids who treat their moms like crap especially because you never know what the future holds. its very nice that your last memory with her is that of you being there for her. i feel sorry for the people who treat their parents with such disrespect.
1 person likes this
@Riptide (2761)
• United States
31 Jul 09
Seeing kids treat their moms like crap upsets me too. If I get too annoyed, I tell them striaght up to be happy that they have a mom. Cancer is such a horrible disease that leaves so much grief and destruction in its wake.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Aug 09
Hi Riptide, I am truly sorry about your lost. You are a very strong woman to sit by your mom's side till the end. I also lost someone very close to me. He will be gone 3 years on August 18th. He was only 18 years old and he had cancer. I am also a cancer survivor. I walk for the first time in my life for the "Relay for Life" in my town and it was the best thing that I had ever done. I felt like I was also fighting for the Cure. So many people end up with cancer and it takes so many lives away. I really just wanted to write to you and say that your story made me cry because it hit so close to home. I am hoping that this will get much easier for you. Try to have a good night ((((HUGS))))