What to do when you get facebook friend request from someone you don't know?

@lumenmom (1984)
United States
July 30, 2009 7:44pm CST
I don't do much on facebook, in fact I only joined it because my niece asked me to. I only check it when she sends me something. I did not expect anyone I did not know to send a friend request because I have no real profile info, no picture, nothing interesting that would get anyone's interest. Tonight I got a friend request from someone who does not look like anyone who would want to be friends with me, I have no idea what the connection is. I don't want to just deny them because that seems insensitive, but I don't want to add them since I don't know who they are. Is there a way to ask that before adding someone?
4 people like this
23 responses
• United States
31 Jul 09
Check to see if you have any mutual friends. If not then just deny them or ask them why they want to have you add them.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I don't have any friends yet but my 13 year old niece and I know she does not know this man who looks at least to be in his late 20's. If I am able to message him I'll send a polite inquiry asking how does he know me and see what happens.
• United States
2 Aug 09
To be honest with you, I wouldn't even bother. I'm just not very trusting when it comes to stuff like that. If I don't know you then there is no reason for me to add you as a friend. At least on sites like myspace and facebook where some of your personal life is exposed. My lot is different cuz there's no personal info being showed like pics and other details like that.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I think that is what made me so uncomfortable. On facebook there are pics and so much other personal stuff you don't want to just allow anyone access to your information like that.
@dreamr802 (986)
• United States
31 Jul 09
If someone sends me a friend request and I don't know who they are and if it doesn't say that we have mutual friends then I will deny the request. I think you can send them a message to see why they want to be friends with you.
• United States
31 Jul 09
Yes, you can send them a message, to find out how they know you...but get used of it...unfotunately on facebook, you will get alot of friend's request from those you don't even remember.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I get a few of those here on mylot, but it does not bother me because I usually can see something in the profile that shows a possible reason for connecting, or I know I have been on here long enough that some people can see my personality through my writing and may just want to be friends because they like what I say. I have done that before myself. I guess it bothered me on facebook because this gentleman did not have that kind of information on me so I could not see a connection. I know we don't have mutual friends because I only have one friend and she is only 13. One thing that just did occur to me is they may know me from mylot or some other place. I guess the best thing to do is just to ask.
• United States
2 Aug 09
Yeah, that's the best thing you can do is just ask how he knows you. I wonder how he got your real name to look you up on your facebook account if he knows you here on mylot. I don't give anyone out my full name.
@keven123 (28)
• China
31 Jul 09
I think you are so sensitive.Becasue if someone want to be your friend,he/shi must want to be.And if someone who I don't know,I will accepted,and I will give them a huge "thank you!" for their request.I will never deny anyone,because if I did ,I will hurt them. So,welcome for anyone who want to be friend with me!
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Part of the reason for the sensitivity is a few bad experiences and knowing there are people with negative intentions. I learned that a long time ago in the days of AOL and now I just don't have time or energy to play games with people. I don't want to reject anyone who has a geniune interest, It just puzzles me that without knowing more about this person, I don't see how he could just see me on facebook (no profile, no info) and want to be friends. If I cannot message him to get more info I think it is better to allow him to make friends with other people who may have more in common with him.
• China
17 Aug 09
Yes,From your said,I maybe misunderstanding your mean.But,I think you should be a serious person,also you have the cautious personality.This is good,not bad thing.You know in this complex world there have so many people who are not normal.I like your can have this quality.And I think I should take care about this strange,changing world.:)Well,Nice to meet you,Nice to discussion with this topic. Incidentally,I'm a Chinese,So if I have make some syntax mistake,please forgive me!Thank you for your response!Have a nice day!keven:)
@lkbooi (16100)
• Malaysia
1 Aug 09
Hi lumenmom, I definitely will deny the request from unknown person. It’s unsafe to accept someone whom we don’t know as friend. There are so many culprits having malicious intention hanging around in the web hunting for prey to make their income or other purposes. Most of them are skillful in stealing information from others profiles. So it’s wise for us to have intense vigilance not to let such person to have the opportunity to take his advantage from us. When making a friend request, one should know we have the right to accept or not to accept his request. So he has to respect the decision of the opposite party. Happy posting and take care!
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
You are so right, already I have been told of a few situations where people made false profiles to find out information about people they know would not accept them as friends if they knew who they were. We do have to be very careful.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
1 Aug 09
What you should do is check their friend's list and see if you have any mutual friends and perhaps you may find your answer there? I have a friend who had a bad experience on facebook from her boyfriend's exgirlfriend. This exgirlfriend made a fake profile and my friend added her and she ended up finding out a bunch of information out that she didn't want her to know. She couldn't understand how the ex knew and she put two and two together. Good luck
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
Wow, that is scary. I would hate for someone to do that to me and some people can be very devious. Thankfully I don't have those kind of relationships in my life but that's the reason people have to be very careful.
@x_Jo_x (1041)
31 Jul 09
You can message them and find out i think, before accepting the invite. I never accept invites from people i dont know unless they are friends with a friend of mine and i know of them already. I have an invite from someone who ive never even heard of and i just ignore it or i might deny it
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I have been told by several people that I have to add them before I can message them. That is the part that I find uncomfortable especially since there are personal pictures and information.
@galoforce (264)
31 Jul 09
i always accept. but then immediatly, post on there wall something along the lines of 'heyy, thanks for the add. but do i know you?'
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I think that is a very tactful thing to do. That way you acknowledge them but also let them know you do not recognize who they are.
• Netherlands Antilles
31 Jul 09
You can ask the person questions as soon as he sends you a request. When he sends you a request you will be able to either see his full profile (if he has it set to public) or you can see his profile up to a limit (if he changed some of his settings). You can automatically send him a message privately and ask him anything before you add him. That's what I usually do.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I am starting to learn that it is okay to accept people you don't know and see how it works out. I do it all the time here on mylot. I see that facebook is really popular, in fact a lot of people I know now have it that I would have never thought would have it. I'll just have to see what this person is about and go from there.
@alesippi (62)
• Finland
31 Jul 09
I just add them and try to figure where I know them. If I dont know who they are, they probably are looking for some benefits or then there has been some mistake of people with the same name as you do. Or then you just don't remember where or when have you met or do you even know them. You can just sent message after you have added him or her. And if you deny it, they cant see that you have denied it. It's just that you haven't added them and its waiting for acception.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
17 Aug 09
It's good to know they cannot see the denial. I just hate to reject anyone even if I should. I may just accept and ask them if I know them and see what reply I get.
@308369666 (111)
• China
31 Jul 09
He does not like to give up, like no the play, and do not like to give up, do what he want to do.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I don't know his intentions and they may be innocent but I think I feel more comfortable just leaving him pending unless I find out he really does know me in some way.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
31 Jul 09
I do not accept this. I am orkut member from long. I have bad experience with unknown friends. I accepted and then they started disturbing in many way.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I have had bad experiences in the past also and I have had friends who had even worse experiences than me. It makes you think twice about just adding people who then have access to so much of your personal information, pictures, etc.
• United States
31 Jul 09
i just add them
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Since I don't do much on facebook, I don't think I will add them because they then have access to my contacts (if I understand things right) and I would not wnat to expose my young niece to someone who I have no idea why he wants to be friends.
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
When someone sends me friend request from person i don't know, i usually reject the friend request..i don't like adding people whom i don't know personally..cause you know, they might steal your personal information and sell it to third party applications.. better safe than sorry..
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I think that is the overall thing. I am not trying to be overly sensitive, but I don't need any unwanted hastles, either. I think I would rather be safe than sorry. I can recall some bad incidents back in my days of being so trusting, so I have learned a few things about what people are capable of doing. Some people I knew had outright stalkers that did things I would never dream could be done. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but on the other hand, I don't think he will miss me and I know I won't miss him.
• Indonesia
31 Jul 09
No, you can't ask before you be friends with him. I do quiet much on facebook because all my elementary and high school friends are there. I often get a friend request from people i don't know and I deny them. it's okay if you don't feel comfortable. Once you approve them, their post will be there in your homepage too. I don't like being close with people i don't really know in facebook, because I have many photos there and they will have full access to it if accpet them. If your purpose join facebook is to promote something then accept him..but if you just want it to be fill by family or friends, better deny him. He won't be angry and eventhough he angry, he doesn't have any access to you. It's common thing to deny someone that we don't know much. It's facebook and not mylot..
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Thanks a lot for your response. I have had so many responses suggesting that I message him, but if that can't be done then I won't waste my time on it, I'll just either deny him or let him stay pending.
@abenitez (501)
• United States
31 Jul 09
If I dont know the person and we have no friends in common I usually deny it. But you can also leave it as a pending friend request and not do anything with it.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Right now leaving them pending does sound good, at least they are not being rejected.
• Mexico
31 Jul 09
when someone i don not know send me a friend request dont hava mutual friends, dont know anything about him i deny him be cause he can be someone who wants to kidnap me.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Yeah, it's hard to trust people these days. You never know if you are dealing with someone who has evil intentions. Personally I don't need the extra drama!
@Janetx3 (441)
• Singapore
31 Jul 09
normally i will just accept anyone that add me in facebook. I won't talk to them though, just accept them for...fun? hahahaha. However i will reply if they talk to me first ;P
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
1 Aug 09
They would get very bored with me because I don't go on facebook much. They would probably regret that they asked me to be their friend.
@jeeva_s6 (399)
• India
31 Jul 09
You could message them from your account and ask who is that and why they want to have friendship with you. There are lot people in facebook who just randomly select the user and try to send friend request to strangers. I still don know what is their point. So beware.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I know most of the people here on mylot who send me a friend request I can readily see some type of connection by their profile or some other reason. Since I am not very active on facebook and only have that one contact, it may be safe to assume I am just a randon person and he is just looking to add friends. I'll send him a message and see what he says. I don't feel as comfortable with facebook as I do with mylot so I would be more reluctant to add friends there.
• India
31 Jul 09
You could message the person and ask them who it is. Not that difficult, right?
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I don't do anything with facebook but answer my only contact when she contacts me, so I was not sure if I could message this person before adding them as a friend. Now that I have been told I can, I feel better sending a polite inquiry before making a decision.
@snowy22315 (76346)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I dont accept all friend requests because alot of peope on facebook I really have nothing in common with although we may have one mutual friend in common. Two of the friends I have on there are people that I havent seen for years anyway, sot it is strange enough just having them on my friends list.
@lumenmom (1984)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I can't imagine what I would have in common with this person and my only other contact is my young niece. She does not know him. He does not even look like the type of person that would speak to me if he passed me walking down the street. Now that I know I can message him, I'll see if he actually knows me or is just looking to add friends.