when you quarrel with your spouse - do you give him/her the silent treatment?

I don't really give him the silent treatment but we do stop talking just to give each other some space and time to cool down. We tend to bicker more than actually fight. In fact we've rarely had a fight in the almost 10 years we've been together. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

hey i liked ur phrase "silent treatment"! yes i practise it now!!! before i used to shout n yell at my top of my voice...but it only aggravates the situation. now i just keep mum, so it forces my husband to cool down since i am not giving a chance for an argument. we are a lot happier now n our fights have bcome less frequent...the less said the less hurt right?? coz words once out of mouth are like arrow/spear, never comes back. n i do the same if he does something which displeases!!! fortunately or unfortunately i can stay without talking upto 1 11/2 days max bt he cant so it works...

My Mother was a great one for this silent treatment, it could go on for months, me I like a good loud fight, then go away from each other long enough to cool down.

I find that if you have an argument with the husband it do not matter as what ever you say they do not listen to anyway so rather than getting angry with them by having a go back at them i would just say what ever and walk away i find that works very well here,they can not argue with themselves can they?

Hey Sweetchariot, This is a very interesting and thought provoking discussion you started. I would so love to comment, even though my most recent personal experience with this "silent treatment" as you referred to, is slightly different. Rather than being just as how some folks deal with quarrels with spouses and such, since like stated in your topic - my input comes not really from a quarrel with my spouse (as my one and only thus far sadly departed 12 yrs ago), but yet from a recent encounter from/with my folks. Perhaps my response might be not considered quite applicable in this case, but would love to respond anyway. Yet, I also do so understand how the silent treatment "stuff" affects the children of those spouses who have communication problems. I used to think my brother and I grew up in a situation similar to THE Beaver and his older brother Wally. However in the past few years, I have learned our folks don't really get along, especially sad since I always believed things were "swell" according to the beaver! What happened to me, and I'm not trying to bad-mouth anyone. But a few days recently before my b.day, my folks called to find out what kind of cake I wanted and such, but the first time they called I said I didn't want any cake or anything and just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. (Like bless their hearts, they usually do & way too much, for whatever reasons. Perhaps they feel the need to do their thing as parents, obligations...) We do/did usually keep in contact, but are not that exceptionally close and also live about 20 mins. away from each other. Don't get together that frequently, unfortunately. So anyway, like they called for the next three days leading up to my big event, still asked and wanted to make a real big to do outta my day, but I said didn't wanna make a big deal outta such. So then they didn't even bother calling to happy day or whatever. And we have had no contact since 7-27. Even though I unintentionally hurt their feelings, you'd think they would called to at least say HEY... but what the... Sorry for dumping if I did, in a way I needed to get this off my chest, so thanks to you and anyone else fro "listening"/reading! Was merely trying to comment upon your topic, though I haven't been as "chatty" of a contributor here lately, muchly due to what I mentioned.

While I was married, I did not give my spose the silent treatment. In fact, I was the one who wanted to argue the point to exhaustion. My mate, I guess you could say, did not like to argue but would engage calmly in the conversation and when he got tired or said all that he wanted to say, he would leave the room are the house entirely. I didn't think about the children's well-being at that time, maybe my spouse was thinking about them when he left me to argue with myself. Now that I am older, I don't care for arguing and will just stop communicating right in the middle of a conversation. I don't give silent treatments, I just like to change the conversation to a more pleasant topic.

With me it was my mother, now gone three years. It took me ages to realize what a controlling, manipulative, push you buttons kind of person she was and yes was famous for the silent treatment. There were a lot of turbulent times between us, and yes, I would often have an argument with her, but instead of answering back to me she just look at me and not say a word, or just give a shrug, which drove me nuts...It's like hey, I'm talking to you, give me the courtesy to reply back, but she never did.

My ex used to give the silent treatment and most of the time, I had no idea what I'd done if anything to upset him. He'd go on for days & weeks until I'd appologize and then we'd be good until the next time. It is about as painful as any words he could have said in anger.....maybe more so.

I think I alwyas do that when we have arguements with my spouse; I think I get this from my mom because my mom used to give a lot of silent treatment to my dad when they have quarrels; I just don't feel like talking to my partnet when we get arguement...

It happens in different levels of arguments. First level, need to release all the anger, therefore, will be lots of shouting and cursing. Hahaha.. Then, after all those explosive moments, come the silent treatment and sour face. Normally, it will be my husband who will break the silence after a day. It rarely lasts more than a day!

Hello.Sometimes when I am upset with my girlfriend or after we quarrel with each other,I will give her silent treatment and she also gives me back.However,I realise treating each other in this way can solve no problem.It just lets us become more isolate and think that the other guy does not even care.So the relationship between us gets not better but worse.From my point of view,it is better to tell your parnter what is in your mind.Maybe you can wait a while when you both have calmed down after the quarrel.In our situation,I am usually the first to speak and apologise to her.After all,men should be gentle and don't be too serious with your partner. We need to do something after the quarrel to heal the relationship.Remember just silence is not a effective way.

I've argued with my parents, my sister and my wife, and I find that giving the silent treatment "helps" in the sense that the argument would not aggravate into a full-blown explosion where neighbours could hear the indoor drama. When your mom responds to you in just one word, it shows that she's still angry but she acknowledges your question. In a way, kids would be the victims of such arguments, but had your mom continued arguing without keeping quiet, worse things could happen, and it could have a far greater emotional and psychological impact on kids. I believe your dad would just keep quiet after a while and sulk whole day. To patch things up, they need to apologise and don't talk about it at all.

You make a deep and very good analysis about the silent treatment here. i agree with you that silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Well i have to admit that i do make such silent treatment for my husband when i'm angry with him. But i cann't hold this silence for a long time and can only keep a few hours. It's too hurtful for each other by doing this , i think. Well after i read this article i will try my best to avoid it .

hi sweetchariot! Hey! I like your topic of discussion...I think I could learn a lot from here and can relate as well. My husband used to yell at me everytime I say something unpleasant to his ear, usually i'll be fighting back and yell at him to get my point across. As his voice is louder than mine I always end up a loser as I always give him the chance the last to talk. It is often pointless to argue any further as he is not a good listener when angry. Anyhow it relieves me knowing that at least he heard my arguments and the "silent treatment" now comes in. I can afford not talking to him for several days and he treats me the same but the first move will always come from him. This has been routinary for us and the issue will die naturally without bringing it up again. Sometimes it helps but in some cases I admit it's a negative approach as it does not address some problems that needs to be discussed squarely.

Hi Sweetchariot, what you call the silent treatment I call sulking. To me it is the most foul trait that a person can have and I simply will not tolerate their company. I think it is nothing more than egotistical control and with me it does not work. We all have to know how upset they are and how much they are trying to be the centre of attention. Give me someone who blows up for a minute then forgets it straight afterwards but sulkers are not welcome in my life.