It Hurts to Love....
August 6, 2009 3:39am CST
I left my ex boyfirend of 3 years abt 6 mths back... Wasn't intending to get into another relationship so soon... But last month, I fell so hard and fast for this guy even i am amazed... But I don't know if he feels the same for me... We are in a relationship... but he feels so near yet so far to me... Even when we're hugging in bed... he feels so out of my reach sometimes... I'm lost... I get anxious when i'm away from him... i'm so afraid of getting hurt again... Each time we kiss, every embrace we share and every time he holds my hand, makes my heart hurt... physically hurt... not knowing when he'll get tired of my stickiness and clumsiness... Sometimes when i watch him sleep at night, my heart aches when i wonder when he'll decide to abandon me... I admit i've got separation anxiety and abandonment issues... and i'm upsetting him by being sad that he's leaving me alone sometimes (quite a lot this week)... maybe i am asking for too much... i really don't know what to do or say anymore... ="(
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6 Aug 09
Just like you, I got out of a really long relationship. At the time I grieved for the lost love, I contemplated that I would try to do better next time. I would exert more effort to let him know that I really cared. In my past relationship, my ex cheated on me so I went through that phase where I kinda blamed myself because I may have put in too little effort in the relationship to have made it work. The point here is that it is normal to be clingy because you are trying to hang on to this relationship harder than you did the last hoping that this time, it would be for keeps. I have to warn you though. Men do not always see it as a nice thing if the girl they are with is trying a little too hard. I once had a guy friend who told me that men like him are like birds, they have to be given their freedom otherwise they will try to escape. I really don't care much for the comparison but what are you gonna do right? I think you just have to focus on yourself a little bit more. Give him the space he needs. It may be hard at first but it is betterto do that than to suffocate him with your clinginess and have him really abandon you.
6 Aug 09
He did say that he doesn't mind the sticky part... but it's something else... sometimes even when he's by my side, he's there but is not there... you get the drift... i'm trying really hard to not be so clingy... and this 1 week has been so hard... the last time i saw him was 2 days ago... and we're staying together... he's helping his friend with wedding prep for sunday's big day on tuesday and had overnight duty on wednesday night... today's thursday... and he might only be home in the ungodly hours... it's taking all my control not to start crying already... i'm just lost right now... it's wrong for me to get upset? =(
12 Aug 09
Of course not! You have reason to be upset because he may not be putting as much effort in the relationship as you have been. But it doesn't hurt to love yourself more. I know how you must be feeling and I understand how difficult it may be. I wish things get better...
6 Aug 09
Don't be so hard on yourself, Gabrielle. Things that happened in the past do haunt us as we're afraid of making the same mistake, or afraid the same bad incident might happen to us. The fact is that if you keep on holding on to the past, you'll never get past it and it will affect your present. What you should do is to let the past go; no one knows whether the guy you're with now would repeat what you'd gone through. What you could do is to learn more about him and to take things a bit slower and cautiously. It takes time to recover from the past but eventually you'll still have to let it go. So just forget the past - let it be a lesson to learn - and focus on the present in order to prepare for the future. It's hard, but you have to do it. It's painful to see you "suffer" like this too because I know how you feel :) - you have to let go of the past. Hope what i'm saying here makes sense to you. Good luck and keep us posted of any developments :)