Conversation with a friend's wife...
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
August 12, 2009 6:13am CST
Bear with me, this could get long!
So yesterday I recieved a phone call from the wife of a guy that my husband used to be friends with. Nowadays hubby is mostly only friends with this guy through facebook, they haven't really hung out in over 10 years, but they were high school buddies and very close back then. I knew the guy too at one point, we all used to work together at Pizza Hut.
Anyways, the wife was trying to get our husband's together for a guy "playdate" sort of thing, but it turned into a 2 hour long conversation.
Most of the conversation was about how my husband and all his friends used to be back when she first met them. Now mind you she knew my hubby about 5 years before I met him, and he was engaged to another girl at that time.
She's going on and on about who slept with who way back then, and who did what. Of course she seemed to be under the impression her husband was a perfect angel, and I can tell her first hand he is not!! But I said nothing of course.
Anyways, I was becoming bothered by the things she was talking about. I already knew my husband had a past. I knew who he dated, who he wished he'd dated, who he'd flirted with and had crushes on. He's told me all this already.
I felt like she was trying to make me feel like I didn't know my husband at all. Like she thought he had this dark side that I never knew.
It was bothering me all night. Not the things she told me, but the fact that she felt like she needed to have this conversation with me. Would you really talk to another man's wife about the girls that man used to date like 15 years ago? Then tell her how that ex girlfriend most likely cheated on him with at least one of his friends? Or how some other girl may have flashed your husband way back then, 5 years before you met him? Why would she tell me this stuff? Why did I care? It was long before I met him so it means nothing to our relationship, and he's not even that same guy anymore. Not to mention I have my own history which makes hubby look like a saint!!
This morning I came to a realization. I think she really is insecure in her marriage. She did an awful lot of bragging about how much she can trust her husband, she even lets him have lunch dates with ex girlfriends of his, and she went out of her way to try to prove he was trustworthy. Yet in the next breath she was attempting to tell me why my husband shouldn't have been trusted... of course her information is extremely outdated!!
So that's my conclusion. She's insecure and she was attempting to make herself feel better by attempting to make me feel insecure. Well it didn't work. Like I said, I know my hubby's history, and the reason I chose to be with him in the first place was because I knew beyond a doubt that I could trust him completely.
What do you think? Have you ever met anyone like this? Has anyone ever tried to make you feel insecure about your relationship?
4 people like this
8 responses
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
12 Aug 09
I am going to start at the end first. Respectfully, you should not have listened to her for so long. women like that are just not =nice and she went out of her way to ruin your day AND PLACE DOUBTS IN YOUR MIND ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND.If she phones again then politely tell her that you are not interested in your husband's past as you know it all. Don't let her draw you into a conversation. Yes, you are right she is insecure and should be pitied for that but she could have caused serious problems in your marriage if you did not pick up her insecurity. Your husband is what he is now - with you and the children. Life has made him who he is now and from your posts he seems to be a very caring family man. Don't let her 'witchy' comments bother you and just move on from this. Try and not get involved with her at all. a person to confide in as she is not to be trusted. I am so angry that she did this to you.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I didn't fall for her stunt for a moment! I'd never doubt my husband and nothing anyone else can say would make me question him at all. I was just bothered that she had the nerve to have such a conversation with me, and I felt it would be too rude to speak up and tell her to stop. Now that I've given it more thought I will be more prepaired for dealing with such things from her in the future, if I have to speak with her again.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
12 Aug 09
You are so right. When we meet someone we really don't know we do not know what they are capable of. This women is not lady and to tell you things in your husband's past makes her a 'witch'. I am glad that you plan to cut her short next time as she just wants to cause trouble. Your assessment of her is spot on. she really has a nerve and she is probably so jealous of you too. Some people you just have to brush off in life. She is an absolute cow. Some people just hate to see other people happy or to progress in life. Why not rejoice that they are happy? It is warped thinking and just so mean.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
12 Aug 09
THe first thing that comes to mind is that she is jealous......and your are right.....insecure! I have an older sister that likes to do things like that...mainly because she is alone and doesn't want to be the only one in the family left single as when I did have a guy a few years back all she did was ditz him.....I just ignored her....and you should ignore this chick too...
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I don't know if I'd ever even met this woman.. I knew of her because I worked with her husband and all, but I don't remember meeting or speaking with her before yesterday, and the guys aren't as close as they used to be. So she knows nothing about me or my marriage, so I don't get why she'd be jealous. I just figure she is insecure of her husband's faithfulness (as far as I'm aware she has good reason to be, I know for a fact he has cheated on her and probably still does). But she doesn't know my husband as well as she thinks she does! I'd bet my children's lives on my husband's faithfulness, otherwise I wouldn't be with him!!
2 people like this
@soulist (2985)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I would be very upset with this woman. I mean she had no right to go into all of that with you whether or not you already know about it. Seems like she needs to validate herself and almost like tell herself more than anyone that she can trust her husband, maybe in reality she doesn't trust him.
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
12 Aug 09
When I first read through, it struck me that she was just one of those "look how much I know" kind of women. I've come across that kind before, too -- the ones who insist on telling you all kinds of things (even if you already know) just to make it appear that they have such an open relationship with their husband. You know the "oh, we have NO secrets" folks.
Then, it struck me that you said she has never spoken to you before that you can recall. It almost sounds like she was trying to push the fact that, even though she wasn't "included" way back then, that she knows everything anyway and should be included or fits in now. You said she was trying to set up a get-together for your husbands, who have remained friends, so I have to wonder if, in some convoluted way, she thought that having this gossipy kind of conversation with you would somehow establish the two of you as friends (by showing that she knows all the names, details, etc., too). Almost creating a "history" where there isn't one... kind of in the same manner that your husbands have "history."
Either that or she's just incredibly rude - which is always a possibility 
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I suppose your theory could be right, that she's trying to prove her place in their little circle. I know how that feels. They had a very tight circle of friends in high school, and obviously I entered the circle quite late, so sometimes I feel sort of out of the loop when I'm around his friends and their spouses. Most of his friends (at least the ones he still talks to) were all pretty much married before I came along, or at least the spouse went to school with them or lived in their community, so they always seem to know more about him and his friends than I do.
Either way though, it is still rather rude to speak to a woman about her husband's ex girlfriends unless you know the woman or are close with the ex or something.
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
12 Aug 09
Oh good lord, yeah... I don't disagree with you at all that her whole conversation was both rude and, I believe, inappropriate. I'm not good with the whole gossip thing to start with and I certainly don't think a conversation like that should ever have happened with someone you've never even spoken to before. As you mentioned, I was pretty much just theorizing about what someone's intention might be in doing that - and I have to say, I think you showed remarkable restraint in sticking with it. I probably would have told her that I have no interest in discussing things that happened so many years ago and have absolutely no bearing on my life in the present with my husband.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
13 Aug 09
Hey kats! I think you read her totally right! I do think that
she is the one that is insecure and wanted to try to make you
feel like she really feels! Only it didn't work! You can tell
how obvious it was by the things that she was saying because
she made it that way! I wouldn't give it a second thought!
She is the one who really has the problem and probally was
hoping that by reaching out to you that you would agree and
and make her feel better! But, you did the right thing and the
next time she calls I would totally blow her off and say that
you are too busy to talk and hopefully she will get the message!
Let her keep her misery to herself because she probably deserves it!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Aug 09
Yes she is surrounded by drama. Apparently her husband is being accused of cheating, and to be honest I wouldn't put it past him, like I said, I know a bit about him she doesn't know!! But I wouldn't dare tell her that. But I think she's insecure about the rumors spreading around. Why she feels the need to bring a complete stranger (me) into her misery is beyond me. I'm so thankful I don't normally have any drama in my life!!
1 person likes this
@pranavpillai93 (267)
• India
12 Aug 09
That was a cool conversation that you had with her. I think her hubby problem is itching her hard..haha! Maybe she needs company in feeling insecure but I don't think she'll have to find her company by playing pranks like these on others! I think I know many people who like to share their sorrow by making others have a taste of it! Even at school today, some of my friends get punishment and they try their bet to get others also into it so that they can share it! Happy mylotting and glad that you did not let yourself fall for your friend's wife's trick!
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
13 Aug 09
katsmeow1213,
Have you ever tried starting a conversation with someone whom you barely know? How do you think or rather what would you bring up to break the ice?
The way I see it, she is just having those odd times where there is literally no one to talk to and she is just using gossips to start a conversation with you. And before she knows it, got carried away. I am sure, having acquainted with people all this time, I am sure you will understand where I am coming from here.
I do not believe that her intention was to spoil your relationship with your husband or create a wedge between her here. In my opinion, she is just looking for someone to talk and just did not know how to approach it. I feel that you could always divert and let the conversation switch to a channel where the both of you could enjoy. In this sense, she will be able to understand more about you and you need not have to put up with some unintentional nuisances. At the end of the day - WIN WIN - for everyone. Just try and take the lead sometimes, for there are people who are half the time baffled, clueless and lost.
In all fairness, I do not think some simple gossip conversation would affect a good relationship or make a stable relationship insecure, unless the relationship is already unstable to begin with.
I hope things will work out better for the both of you, the next time.
Take care.
I hope things will work out better for the both of you, the next time.
Take care.
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
13 Aug 09
katsmeow1213,
I am sorry to have misread her and since you mentioned further I just feel that this person should not be bothered at all.
Anyway, I think this will be the time to really make a choice here. It is just sad that such characters exist. My bad here.
Take care and have a nice day.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Aug 09
The fact that she was trying to set up a playdate for our husbands was ice breaker enough. The conversation did not have to divert from that, she is the one who took it off in that direction, and since the conversation did bother me, of course I made attempts to bring it in a different direction, but she kept going back there.
Also, I've met quite a few people my husband used to hang out with back then, and they all have some great stories, none of which involve who was sleeping with who all that long ago!
1 person likes this
@frankiecesca (2489)
•
12 Aug 09
I can't say I have been in the same boat as you regarding somebody liek that but, I hear where you are coming from and she definitely doesn't really need to be telling you that stuff - why go to all the trouble of telling you stuff like this when it was so long ago and you hardly even speak anyways! x
