is it necessary for a couple live with their parents?

@cedarlgp (207)
China
August 12, 2009 6:52pm CST
The young today are full of different ideas from their parents,and this produce a problem that a generation gap comes,this make it more difficult to communicate well between the two generations.thus,no matter marry or not,more and more yong people are willing to live alone.yet,regardless that gap,most parents hope their son or daughter to live with them.so,is it necessary for the young live with their parents?In china,a traditional answer is yes.but in the past several years,the thing are changing slowly,more and more parents do some prepare to stay alone when their children growing up and married.how about you?
5 people like this
27 responses
@lazeebee (5466)
• Malaysia
13 Aug 09
Somehow I feel that absence makes the heart fonder. If possible, grown-up and married children should live away from the parents, though they should always keep in touch. Living in the same house leads to a lot of problems, mostly due to misunderstanding and miscommunication. And when you live with in-laws, the problems tend to be worse. My sister and I are married and live away from our parents. My sister's house is a five-minute walk away, while mine is about a 15-minute drive. I call our parents every other day and see them twice a week, my sister would call them more often. Had we been staying in the same house, I think that the relationship would not be so good.
@bat85823 (22)
• China
13 Aug 09
I prefer living alone.
1 person likes this
@dbabcook (389)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I believe that there comes a point in time where children must get away from their parents and embrace the world on their own. Without doing so they never learn responsability. I understand that there are circumstances inwhich a child may have to move back in with their parents, such as divorce, etc. But at some point they need to get back out on their own. I have been in this particular position which is why I feel this way. I was married and got divorced. My daughter and I moved back into my parents home. We lived there for 1 year and then moved into our own place. It became very frustrating as I was in my 30's with a child and my mother, being the overbearing type fealt that if I was living under her roof that I must follow her orders as well as the fact that she wanted to be in total control over me and the way I raised my daughter. She has great difficulties with letting her children grow up and live their own lives. Thus this made it very difficult to live there.
1 person likes this
@yogambal_64 (1016)
• India
13 Aug 09
I do not think it is necessary for a couple to live with their parents, as you say in the long process of life, there is many of chance of difference of opinion, which may lead to unnecessary conflicts, and hinder our peacful life. It is better that they remain happily in their respective places and take care of each other well.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
12 Aug 09
I think young couples should lead their own lives...it doesn't matter how old people get their parents still think of them as their children and tend to treat them this way...and it is not always that parents totally approve of their son or daughters choice even if they don't show their disapprovall they can in t5heir own way undermine them...I think when a couple start a new life they should start by creating their own world.
@lelin1123 (15635)
• Puerto Rico
12 Aug 09
My daughter and son-in-law and my granddaughter live with me. They had their own apartment (2 different apts.) however with the recession they had to move in with me. It will be a year in October, however they are planning to move out of state sometime next year. They would love to have their own place now but they are saying for their move to Florida. I know my neighbor also had her daughter come back home because she lost her job and couldn't afford the rent at her place. I think with the recession this has been happening alot for the past year or so.
12 Aug 09
I'm half Chinese (the other half is Italian), so I can relate... usually in a typical Asian society, parents are bonded to their children, and sometimes it's really hard to let them go. However, problems may arise because our generations are so different- I'm surrounded and grew up with much technology, while my parents had limited technology. They're trying to adapt to today's world, but they're doing it at a slower pace than I am. It's important for the children to have their own personal lives, but still keep a good relationship and contact with their parents.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Aug 09
I personally don't want to live with my parents when I get married, but I don't mind them living with me after a while when they get too old o stay on their own. Also, my mom claims that she doesn't want to be anywhere near me when I get married since I'll probably cramp her style. (roll eyes) I just know that's her way of letting me go since I'm her only child, but most couples I know that live with their parents just do it because they can't afford to live on their own, and I think if that was the case then they should have waited to get married.
• Canada
13 Aug 09
I've never felt inclined to live with my parents when I'm married. I've been living on my own since I was 18 (not because of a lack of relationship with my parents, we get along great, I've been away at school) and although I move home for the summer usually, I need to be on my own! It's interesting to read that only recently children have chose to not live with their parents in cultures such as the Chinese one. In Western cultures (at least from what I've witnessed living in Canada and travelling to the States and Europe) the general feeling is to move out of your parents house.
@daryljane (3437)
• Philippines
13 Aug 09
it really depends on the situation. But for me and for my parents, i always wanted to live on my own, that way i dont have to depend always on my parents to help me solve whenever there are problems. Although my mom knows that we can always run to her when we need their assistance, i still tell her that we have problems and that ill try fixing it on our first before i tell her we already needed back up. She understands that. So, i dont think its really that necessary.
@gossipzz (500)
• Canada
13 Aug 09
Children need to find their new life.Once you are married you need your own space to seek what you will do in life. When they have kids and their kids have kids,it is going to be a very crowded house and alot of confusion.It needs to stop somewhere.The best to start is when you get married.Get out.The only reason it would be ok is for financial reason.If you need a little help to get back on your feet.
• United States
13 Aug 09
for me i'm not suggesting a couple to live with their parents but to have a separate home so that they can plan more for their future and for their children, decide what is the better solution to solve every problems that a couple may encounter. Though they can ask for an advice from their parents but still the decisions is the choice of the couple. Many parents touch the decisions of their child that cause to a couple to become dependent to their parents that is why a couple cannot practicing their own way of parenting.
• China
13 Aug 09
I prefer to live with my parents. I wann't they alone. May be there is some problem,but I hope they happy.
• China
13 Aug 09
I prefer to live with my parents, I wan't they alone. May be have some problem, but I wan they happy with me.
• China
13 Aug 09
It is OK to live with parents. In my views, my parents brought me up. All that they could give me alreay gives to me. And now, it is the time to live with them and take care of them because they are old now.
@shimanaja (494)
• Indonesia
13 Aug 09
Personally, better live alone from your parents when you have get married. We could do anything without interupting of them. Also make us more independent to face the life.More respite and smart to built our own family. It can make the difference betwen couple who live with parents and not.
@busybren (258)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I guess it depends mostly on cultural backgrounds as well, because I'm surprised at the majority response being "children should be able to live on their own". We are talking about HOW THE YOUNGER OF OURRRR...GENERATION...is protraying their lives! I believe CHILDREN should stay with their families to obtain what youth and education they will NEED in later years. I DO NOT believe it's ok to let a "CHILD" THINK it's ok to live in adult ways, young. Don't get me wrong, parent should let their kids go at some point, but there is a point called "too soon". If you don't know what that means, then it will be "too late". Don't we WANT to protect our children from being mothers or fathers too young? I fear this in my niece and nephew. I fear the day their parents (my siblings) LET GO and say "hey she is old enough to make her own decisions" or "he is old enough to know what's wrong and right". WE ARE STILL THEIR PARENTS, THEIR GUARDIANS AND THEIR WISDOM. ...I know that all lives are not the same, that is why I live by "to each their own", but I do not want to see my niece depending on a man to fulfill the missing pieces or the unanswered questions in her life or my nephew to think, because he is "a man" he is man enough to make adult decisions. HOWEVER I'm multiracial and I understand that cultures are accepting to these things. I'm not innocent of these traditions, but I'm not a victim of it either. I am a victim of many other things though. Please tell me what you feel about this perspective vs the oposite opinions you've read. Happy Mylotting
@mastinet (467)
• India
13 Aug 09
The couple should live with their parents because they are the only left behind with them. Parents have done much for their childs and they took all pain in getting them well educated and well placed in life. The mother tooked all pain in giving birth to them and father also worked much hard to fully finance their child. Now its the turn from youngers to give a return to them and should always take care to them
• India
13 Aug 09
I think its more the tradition of a country and society that determines whether or not its necessary for married couples to stay back with their parents. Each set up has its own pros and cons. In traditional Indian families, sons are expected to stay and look after their parents till they die…there’s no question of the son paying any rent coz the parent’s house is theirs too and pass on to them as inheritance. They do share part of the family expense and look after their parents in old age. The children too get to learn a lot from their grandparents …this set-up has a several advantages obviously, mainly for children who are well looked after even if the mother is working at office. The main drawback in this set-up is the lack of privacy of new couples and decisions have to be collective, so a lot of compromises are necessary to keep the family together. In western societies I see children moving out and making it out on their won right after college. This makes children more independent and mature as adults and I am sure they learn the lessons of life much better. However, it can become difficult for the aged parents without any family living near or the children who are left at day cares or under baby sitters…that family touch is often missing in such situations.
@rsa101 (22938)
• Philippines
13 Aug 09
Well generally Chinese ansd most Asian countries are like that. Asians are very much close to family. But in these days when a couple is tied as married they are already expected to live separately and as independent as they could. Like many western country does when they marry. I think that is applicable for those that can afford to live on their own. But here in Asia I think if it is practicable to live with parents while they are adjusting to their married life is acceptable practice in our culture. I am seeing that these trend will be disappearing as many Asians are becoming influenced by western culture and tradition.