Would You Have a Baby for Someone Else?

@birthlady (5613)
United States
November 13, 2006 10:45am CST
Some people can't or won't go through pregnancy. Would you be a "surrogate" mother for someone? Why or why not?
12 people like this
77 responses
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
13 Nov 06
I have considered being a surrogate. It would have to be the perspective parents' sperm and egg, so it's their baby and not mine. Why would I? I feel so blessed to have my children and I'm really sad for those who can't experience the love of their own child : ( I would be devastated to know I could never have children. I'd be okay with adoption though. My hubby was a little wierded out about me carrying someone elses child. I think he was more worried about what others' would think though.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
I think your attitude is very considerate and giving! Did your husband change his mind?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
Well I'm glad to hear that your husband stuck by your side through the whole time.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
And did you go through being a surrogate? If so, how did your husband emotionally handle the whole experience, especially when the baby starts kicking?
• United States
13 Nov 06
no because you have to give up the baby im not going through all that pain for somebody else
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
thank you for responding...
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
i dont think i would either. but i told my sister that if she wants to have a uterine donor so she can have a baby i would give it to her .
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Nov 06
wow...you'd give up your uterus?
1 person likes this
@Petula (3)
• United States
13 Nov 06
When I was younger -- I'm now 38 -- I thought I might be able to be a surrogate for someone. Now, I don't think I could.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
Do you not think you could because of age? Or the experience of live that comes with age?
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
24 Nov 06
I wonder if a surrogate mom feels loss when she hands over the baby, even though she knows its not "her" baby?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
I think I would feel lost but then it depends on who I would do it for!
1 person likes this
13 Nov 06
I would, bt only if it were for someone I was really close to, like my best friend or my sister. Pregnancy is hard enough to go through, but I think being a surrogate would be a really amazing thing to do, and I admire anyone that has already done it.
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
Some surrogates stay in the child's life as a friend or "auntie" until the child is old enough to understand.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
I mean until the child is old enough to understand that "auntie" is really the child's "surrogate" and then the true relationship is revealed. I guess there's many ways to handle it.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
I know if I new someone that would be a surrogate mother for me I would make sure that person is a part of baby's life. I feel that is important cause they did carry the baby for nine months and they took care of themselves through the whole pregnacy. So I think its only right!
1 person likes this
@rosey2006 (945)
• United States
27 Nov 06
I don't think I could be a surrogate mother, because I would get too attached to the baby.
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Nov 06
I would be attached to the baby too.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
I know for a fact I would get attatched to the baby even before it comes out of me.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Yes, I was in love with all three of my babies while I was still pregnant with each of them.
• United States
27 Nov 06
yes
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Nov 06
Do you have other children?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
I dont have no children yet but once I have my own baby I know I will enjoy spending all the time in the world with my baby. I was like that with all my nieces and nephew until they got older. But I have another niece on the way so I would be excited when she comes cause I would be doing samething.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
You're lucky to have alot of nieces and nephews! I know many moms who say they're done having babies--that is until the last baby goes to kindergarden--then they miss having a baby in the house!
@mcmomss (2601)
• United States
27 Nov 06
I don't think I could do it. If I had a baby I would want to keep it.
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Nov 06
That's the part that I would have difficulty with, wanting to keep the baby...
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
My weakness in life is baby's once I see them I fall in love with them. My sister just had a little girl and everytime I go there I pick her up and I hold her and I just dont wanna let her go. I take over when I go there, so that gives my sister a break. But I love children!
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Yes, I always fall in love with little babies, especially if I've been at their birthings, we bond.
@joycess (43)
• United States
13 Nov 06
i can do it it rubish.
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
what do you mean?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
If you could be a surrogate mother then I have alot of respect for you and I also give you alot of credit.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Has anyone here ever really been a surrogate, or given a child up for adoption?
@katduf (52)
• United States
13 Nov 06
I used to think that I would be a surragate for someone, but not after having my own baby. that changed everything for me. people that can do it are awesome and should be given a lot of credit.
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
it seems like many surrogates consider themselves "the oven" to "cook" the baby, and some surrogates have children of their own already.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
That's a very good point but my biggest fear is when your dealing with a surrogate mother you have to make sure you know about this person cause anything could happen.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Yes, anything could happen, including, is she eating right, sleeping enough, exercising enough, on and on.
@hotoffer (666)
• India
27 Nov 06
No, I have my own
2 people like this
@kakuemmom (862)
• Canada
13 Nov 06
I was asked this by my sil who could not have children anymore she did have 2 older boys. I did give it some thought but my problem was i don't think i could have given the baby over to her after i had carried it nine months. Maybe if she did not have any children i might have been able to but i don't think so.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
13 Nov 06
I'd love to hear from a surrogate who can share what its like to go through pregnancy for another woman/couple. Anyone?
• United States
27 Nov 06
I understand where you coming from its not an easy step to take. Especially when you feel the baby moving in your belly, going to the doctors and you hear the ultra sound, its a good feeling thats why I know I couldn't do it.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
28 Nov 06
I've got 3 children and it would be difficult for me to do.
@beckyomg1 (6758)
• United States
27 Nov 06
i would say yes i would, i could not however do it now as i had a hysterctomy in may. but i would if i could
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Nov 06
thank you for responding.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 06
I would be afraid to take that responsability for my own personal reasons.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Understandable...
• United States
30 Nov 06
I was a surrogate mother for my parents, my mom couldnt have any more children and after she remarried to my stepdad (I consider him my dad because I never really knew my real dad, and he is the one who raised me and took care of me) I went through the pregnancy and gave them a healthy 7 lb 12 oz 21in lil boy, he is now 5 yrs old and will be 6 in february, then i had my son the next year, lol..... For me it wasn't that hard to give him up to them, I guess because I wasn't ready to be a parent at the time, and I saw how happy he made them.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Nov 06
That is so beautiful! You blessed your parents! And the great thing is the baby is your family member. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
That's so wonderful! What a great thing to to for your mom & dad. :)
@epizzahut (2079)
• China
15 Dec 06
no, but i have heard this kinda story.it is illegal in my country.even though i can understand the pepole they can't go through pregnancy.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Oh, may I ask what country is yours?
@SViswan (12065)
• India
15 Dec 06
Before I had kids of my own, I always thought I would be able to be a surrogate mother for someone. But now that I have kids of my own, I still feel I can...only difference is that I would want to see the child from time to time (as a family friend). I would never tell the child I was the surrogate mother (unless the parents did). I understand that even though the surrogate mother carries the child in the womb, technically the child belongs to the parents (most of the time only the embryo is implanted in the surrogate mother's uterus). Though this is how I personally feel, I don't think my husband would encourage me.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Thank you, so far I haven't heard from any men...
• United States
6 Dec 06
I do not think I could do it. I would however be able to donate eggs to someone that I was close too. But to have the child in me growing and forming that bond, connection....no I do not think I could hand the baby over in the end. It takes a VERY strong woman to do that, and I admire those that can.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Thank you...
@rmuxagirl (7554)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I would like to think I would especially for someone that I care about a great deal, such as a family member or close friend. But I don't know how I'd react if I was actually asked. I think I would have to pray about it and think hard about who the baby is for and stuff. Have you?
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Dec 06
No, I haven't had a baby for anyone else, although I have been asked to in the past, I declined. I didn't feel comfortable because of my children...I worried that they would get the wrong idea that they were or could be for someone else too...
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
29 Nov 06
as selfish as it seems, I would never be able to do this for someone. Going through a pregnany is such a personal thing. You feel the child growing inside you, the first kick, hearing their heart beat for the first time... I just don't see how you couldn't fall in love with the child, even if it was an implanted embryo. It would be too difficult to give the child up
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Yes, I agree, this is why it would be hard for me, even if the child were not biologically related to me. I think we, as women, are hard-wired to be more than "ovens"!
1 person likes this
@algrose (817)
• Canada
29 Nov 06
no I think it would be too emotional for me.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
I think it would be emotional for me also, so I wouldn't be able to do it.
• Australia
29 Nov 06
I would only if i was the oven ie.. i have her egg and partners sperm so i would only beable to help those who cant carry it. that way i know in my heart its not my child as its not my egg i just carryed it.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Nov 06
That's a point. Do you have any children yet?