when is the right time for me to forgive this person?
By eM
@eLsMarie (4346)
Philippines
August 21, 2009 11:10pm CST
i have a gay friend and we've known each other for almost seven years.... Last week, we hang-out together with my boyfriend whom he doesn't like according to my other friends. my gay friend told me to take pictures with my boyfriend and him. so without any malice, i took pictures of them together. my gay friend borrowed my phone because he wants to blue tooth their images in his phone. when he returned it, he told that he wasn't able to transfer their images in his phone because he's phone was a bit destroyed... 4 days after, my best friend told me that our gay friend made my boyfriend and his image a screen saver on his phone and he told all his friends that they were lovers without me and my boyfriend's consent. from the same day that i found out that my gay friend betrayed me, i still hang out with him in order for me to confront him. when i came in our meeting place, instead of me confronting him, he immediately thanked me because he was so happy that he was able to fool his friends that they were really lovers of my boyfriend...
we don't study in the same school that's why i we were so blinded of the things that he did. i just can't accept the fact that of all the persons i've known, he was the first one to betray me...
5 people like this
9 responses
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
22 Aug 09
Hello,
well, if he knows better then he shouldn't do that all.... love is not something that he can play around with some others. This could make someone else feel uncomfortable. If I were you, I will ask him to delete everything out and correctall his words this fake lovers. It doesn't mean he just playing or having fun make you and your boyfriend happy... he should fix this as soon as possible before something else happen.
you should explain better to your boyfriend, and you have to make sure your gay friend is not involve with your boyfriend... hope you find the way out
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
22 Aug 09
sometimes he acts different from what he says... this kind of person, you should stay away from him. Never and ever stay like close friend with someone say this and do that at all cuz they never be honest with you. I have been friend with many people and I know most of them from inside out. You have to keep your eyes on your gay friend.
He might say he hates but actually he likes him, otherwise he won't take picture and try just about anything to have his picture with your boyfriend on his phone, it doesn't make any sense to me. If he says, he likes your boyfriend then it will make you think something else... so he has to get it away from you first.
why dont you talk to your gay friend when you are with your boyfriend... tell your gay friend to correct everything cuz you and your boyfriend don't like the way he acts. If he used to say he hate your boyfriend then let make it be. It sound like you will fight for your boyfriend, but it is a good thing you know.
@eLsMarie (4346)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
i'm really beginning to freak out... HUHUHU... yesterday, i opened up my problem to my other friend and she told me that i should stay away from my gay friends also because he's a traitor... i think my gay friend really likes my boyfriend. yesterday also, my gay friend posted something from my inbox and he told me that he already retracted all his lies to his other friends... i don't know how to bring back the trust again.
@3superkids (446)
• Philippines
22 Aug 09
hello els, how much do you value your friendship with this gay friend of yours? the way i look at it you have a close relationship with you friend that is why you felt so betrayed. in my opinion i think you should have a serious heart to heart talk with your gay friend. be honest with him about your fears, how much he hurt you and ask him bluntly what is his true feeling to your boyfriend. if he value your friendship then i think he would admit it if he is in love with your boyfriend. betrayal is painful no matter how it's done but forgiveness is also a good thing. it gives us peace of mind. if you feel that he is sincere with his sorry then perhaps it's alright to forgive and give another chance...of course without being so trustful again...
1 person likes this
@letsee77 (224)
• United States
22 Aug 09
I agree, he may not be after your man but thought he was cute enuogh that he wanted an image of them together so he could brag to his other friends. He might have done this all for attention, maybe he has some gay friends that are giving him peer pressure?? I'm not saying that it was right of him to do what he did not at all, but talk with him, get his side of the story and why he did it. Then once you've heard him out make your decision. Sometimes friends hurt us and make us feel betrayed, like you say, but never had the intention of ever doing so in the first place. If he's truly a good friend that you want to keep, let him give tell you, and seriously as friends, then go from there. I hope everything works out for you.
All the best. :)
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
23 Aug 09
yikes..that's really a breach of friendship.
i would have difficulty forgiving him..at least not soon.
he sounds like he's probably terribly lonely though,if he'd do that.
if you do speak to him,i'd recommend he try the dating scene and get a real boyfriend.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
22 Aug 09
The way I'm figuring your friend, he's just trying to make fun of it all. I think the only wrong thing he did was that he didn't ask for your permission or your boyfriend's permission for the matter.
As for having the right time to forgive, it's up to you. You can't force yourself to forgive someone who has hurt you just because it's 'time' to do so.
I think the first step to forgiveness if by telling him honestly how you feel about his actions, and perhaps he didn't really mean to hurt you that way.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
22 Aug 09
hello Elsmarie, it sounds to me like this gay guy is in love with your man and if I were you I would drop the gay guy as friend because a real friend would never do anything like. Tell the gay that he need to quit playing around like that and to steer clear of your man or else you will no longer keep him as a friend. Hope things work out between you and your man...
.
.1 person likes this
@khrackow (23)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I would x that person out of my life until they came to me with a contrite spirit and a sincere heart asking for forgiveness. With the mouth confession is made when genuine repentance in the heart has occurred. Until then that person would be an ex-friend. My acquaintances are countless, but my Friends are few and far in between, and I trust everyone of them with my life, and they would never betray me they way he betrayed you, and for what? To impress other people? If one of my Friends ever did betray me, they would be deleted from my "Christmas" list until they made ammends, and "sorry" doesn't cut it. In my book Friend is equal to Family! And some of my Friends are more Family to me than my family.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Aug 09
elsmarie oh my what a goshawful mess. tell me did'your
'boyfriend tell you what really happened or are you going
by what that so called gay friend said. confront the ex'friend '
and tell him that you dislike being betrayed like that and
you had trusted him once too often.He is either using you'
and your boy friend to impress his gay friends or else'you
have been doubly betrayed by both men in your life.
You need to talk to both men And if your boyfriend is
innocent.you need to kick this gay to kingdom come.No
time is the right time to forgive an idiot
@eLsMarie (4346)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
me and my boyfriend were unaware of the what my gay friend did until my best friend told me everything. it's so easy for me to say that i should kick this gay friend in my life but it's too difficult... :( we've been friends for a long time. it hurts me a lot!
@semispoiledgurl (176)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
What your gay friend did is totally wrong. If he's truly a friend, he shouldn't have done that. If I were you, I'll try to talk to him and tell him how I feel on what he did. And as for forgiveness, to be honest, in this kind of situation, it will really take a long time to forgive him.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
22 Aug 09
Man, If i were in your shoes, i'd say "left hook and a right hook with an uppercut reverse"
, does this gay even know what she just did if it's right or wrong? didn't she ever consider what would you feel about it? i don't think that's a good friend there. that's sure is kinda big issue and the level of betrayal is kinda heavy too. I think it will take time, but for me i would stay away from that gay for a while..a long long long while. she better learned her lesson and earned your trust and respect again
...
, does this gay even know what she just did if it's right or wrong? didn't she ever consider what would you feel about it? i don't think that's a good friend there. that's sure is kinda big issue and the level of betrayal is kinda heavy too. I think it will take time, but for me i would stay away from that gay for a while..a long long long while. she better learned her lesson and earned your trust and respect again... 