Help! Friend is driving me crazy-What would you do?
August 22, 2009 1:23pm CST
I really need advice on this friend. She's had cancers/leukemia her whole life, as a result she's extremely angry & bitter today, also control freak, feels sorry for herself, drama queen, monopolizes the conversation, desperate & controlling in relationships, has no friends as she thinks females area all b*****S. Though she is a nice person, having her illnesses has made her very self absorbed because she's always focusing on her anger and health issues. Ok, well I have been trying to see her less and less as she drives me crazy, and I have to take anxiety pills when I'm around her. I think she's a nutcase quite frankly. However, a few wks ago she broke her foot and now is depending on various people like me to drive her around. Though I saw her twice this week, she stressed me out all day with her crying, yelling and just feeling sorry for herself. I get that she's angry however, I tell her her anger isn't getting her anywhere. We've all heard how stress creates illness in the body, but she keeps saying that she has nothing to live for and I can't understand because I'm not her. I'm working part time and now really trying to find something full time because I can't handle see her very often, though I feel guilty. What would you do in this situation? Help?
• United States
22 Aug 09
It sounds like your friend has been through alot. I've used to have a friend that was bi-polar, one minute she would call me up and invite me over and when I got there she would get angry and ask me why I even bothered to come see her. Does your friend have any depression issues? It may do her well to have someone that can listen to her and let her release her feelings. If she's acting out like this so much it may be that she's doing it for attention. I am not a doctor or anything like that, but I think you'r friend could do well in a group, talking with people who have been through similar things as she has. She could just have alot built up inside and for those of us that have not been through what she has, she may feel they don't understand her.
22 Aug 09
Hi letsee77, Yes you're right my friend does have depression issues, and had gone for counseling before as she's also had lots of trauma in her life. Her counseling didn't really help she says. Oh I know she does everything for attention because she also one of those "attention hogs" and you can't get a word in. I did once mention a group therapy thing but she said no. I guess I just feel really drained being around her, the constant yelling, crying and this was even when she was in remission and before she broke her foot. I feel bad for her but I also have health issues and I'm trying to avoid stress which is unavoidable when I'm around her. I think she's a toxic person and difficult to be with because she just brings down your vibration. Also, let's say my husband calls when I'm with her, well we always hang up with "bye sweetie" that's how my husband and I are. Well, she'll even scream to not do that around her. I told her to knock it off. My relationship with my husband is my business, not hers. My brother in law thinks I should have a talk (which I know won't go well with her), telling her that I can't see her if she continues to act like that. Remember, I was trying to see her less and less because I can't handle seeing her more often. I'm just really trying to find something full time so I'll have the excuse not to drive her around.
• United States
22 Aug 09
Not to be rude or un caring towards your friend but it sounds like she's affecting your life in a negative way. Friends don't do that to their friends. If she refuses to help herself she then how can she better herself, she's got to want to make that move. No one can force her, and talking to her probably won't do any good with the mind set that is sounds like she has. You can't let her disturb your life, I know she's a friend and you dont' want to hurt her feeling but, you've got to think about number one. You have to take care of yourself because you are the most important person you have. Avoiding her by trying to find an excuse not to see her really isn't a long term solution and I know it's only because you'r trying to do it in a kind way. So you don't have to talk to her about how she's affecting you with her attitude. I know it's hard but I think he's right, I think you should have a talk with her, and she may not take it well but she'll have plenty of time to reflect on what you said and if she's a true frend she'll understand. My friend I was telling you about with bi polar, ended up giving me an altematum, she said I go to her birthday party or we are no longer friends. I was moving, packing a whole house that me and my family lived in for 19 years, I couldn't attend her birthday. I did call her on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday, and all she said was "Thanks. You didn't come, so you know what this means." and that was the last time we spoke. Sometimes we have to let go in order to move ahead, we can't allow others to interfere with our lives, as we all have our own problems that we have to deal with, and in your situation it's unfair that she treat you like this. All the best to you and take care of yourself.
23 Aug 09
letsee77, That's really good advice! I can't believe your friend gave you an ultimatum like that. How selfish especially since you were moving too! Some people...Good that you moved away from her. No I'm really tired & drained from her negativity because she just saps my life force away. I will have to talk to her but honestly I'll probably do it via email because she constantly interrupts & has no attention span, she's also on medication that makes her extremely hyper. I swear she must also have ADD. :(