When your spouse cheats

In order to get past it, you have to both decide to move forward... as a couple and as individuals. In my experience, the way to do this is to sit down and talk. You, no doubt have questions that you want answers to, and he needs to do his best to answer them. You need to be able to tell him exactly how you feel and what you feel you will need to ever regain trust in him. The conversation needs to be both of you talking and listening to each other. Once the talk is over, you have to make the decision to move forward. You, and only you can make the choice to not look back and to let go of the pain. It is easier once you get the answers you need. You should also make it very clear that if it were to ever happen again, then you would leave and not look back. Until you make the choice and allow yourself to let go, you won't get past this. You don't hate him, you just hate what he did. If you hated him, you would have walked away. The truth of the matter is that you do love him, but he has betrayed you. I think that if he really shows you that he is remorseful and takes steps to make sure that you really know what he is doing and where he is going, and of course, who he is with all of the time, and doesn't hide anything from you, you will feel better and things will get easier. AS for right now, I imagine that you hardly want him to even attempt touching you, and that is very understandable. I bet that at the same time, you are thinking that if you "put out" more he will be more satisfied. It can be confusing. The truth is that what he did has nothing to do with what you do or do not do. He made the choice, he did it. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty in any way for his actions, it will ruin you and make him feel powerful in a sense. Sometimes, things do work out and sometimes they don't. I believe that if both people really want it to work, it will, but if even one of you is not in it 200%, it won't. I truly hope that this all works out for you and that what I have said here helps you. I would also suggest trying to make the time to do things together as a couple to help you find that lust again.

Time heals a lot of things, including this. Lots of times the relationship becomes stronger because all the problems in the relationship comes out into the open. My take on this is everyone becomes involved with their own life and couples grow apart and you lose what you originally started with. Love and life are not easy and it has to be worked on. It just doesn't happen like it does in a romance novel. Love, family, home and marriage are all work but are worth it. Don't ever give up unless you are beat up - then run away as fast as you can!

Is it true, "Once a cheater always a cheater" will they do the same thing over and over again. How many times can you forgive them before you say enough is enough? Personally, Anyone can make a mistake, I guess. I forgive easily but I have trouble forgetting and I don't trust easily.

if i would be in ur situation i would not had forgived him for what he did , but it all love and understanding between two partners , n u r the one who is more understanding within u both. now if ur partner is sorry for what he did , and is now changed , n would not do what he did in his past, you can forgive him after all he is ur husband even god forgives us for our sins , we r just humans y cant we . you should let him know ur worth. by showing him ur care ur love , ur worth in his . he should realise his mistakes , sorry is just a word , not a solution to the problem you can also fight n keep fighting for ur right but this not the solution to the problem . this would be more worse so approach him have a formal talk , ask him what would he do if u were him i know no one is perfect but there would have been some reason for him cheating on you , were u lacking something , the love the care or something he needed he didnt find in u ? ask urself , maybe something which led him to the wrong track . take a look over the whole situation from his point of view . try re questioning urself like its just an example he cheated me .. why did he cheat me ?---- because i didnt pay attention to him why didnt i pay attention ?---- because i was busy why was i busy ? --- coz i was doing ....whatso ever why was i doing it ? -- for myself if i didnt do it ? so on ? just take a look at the whole situation

I was cheated and now I'm separated , I tried to work things out for 2 years, I have two kids out of the realtionship .I did what you did too .. weight all the options , tally all pro's and cons.. think of the kids before thinking about myself , but i just cant take it any longer .. I talk to him in a very calm and relax manner , I told him that my mother brought me up in this world and i dont think my mother deserve to see me crying every night , and waiting for him to come home, or get nervous ,anxious, insecure and hurt everytime his celphone rings,.. i gave him back my wedding ring , Isaid that we dont look like what we were when we promised to each other as we said our vows.. when he did not answer, i did not go any further , For me , a third party is an ideal break up ,its got a concrete reason that there is someone else that makes him happy and its not me. I believe that life is a matter of choice and i choose to be happy , If i dont make him happy anymore then i have to set him free.. its part of loving , as for the kids, i believe that I am more than enough to for them , because having to tolerate a third party in a marriage could be disturbing for the kids emotionally and psychologically . I explained to my kids carefully the situation we are having and believe they its fine.. I am a happy sibgle parent right now.

Hello iowamonof3 I understand you completely. What you are feeling towards him. You really need to sit and talk to him. The reason you are feeling the anger towards him is because you don't trust him. He needs to gain that trust again. Once you have trust in him once again the anger is going to start disappearing. That will take time. I just have some questions for you. Do you love him? Do you like when he is intimate with you? Do you have faith in him?

I also believe in a saying that "Once a cheater always a cheater." I am really choosy about the person I am going to be with but there are times that even a pious person unintentionally commits mistakes. I can't say that he is a cheater though he had done that more than once because humans are susceptible to mistakes but this should not be the reason for his cheating. I think, I should leave the feeling of hate to God and I would pray for my future spouse (if that will be the case). There is a saying in the Bible something like, you should forgive someone who made a you a sin for 77 times.

I have heard of marriages surviving and even becoming stronger after something like this. I think it would all depend on the people involved and the circumstances. How did you find out that he cheated? Was it once or was it an ongoing affair? Has he cheated since? Was he remorseful? I don't know Iowa. It would be a very hard thing to get beyond regardless. I'm not sure that I could but like I said...much would depend on circumstances. Maybe some councelling could help??? Would he be willing to go in order to help your marriage. If not, maybe you could go alone. Maybe they could help you understand and sort out your feelings. Good luck. I hope this all works out for you.

well it depend, my wife did cheat on me and we talked things out. it was pretty much the guy who she cheated played her pretty good. he knew i was upset since she stayed up all night and did nothing. but anyhow we talked and worked things out together. understanding the reason and why, we went for help with our marriage. and i can say we're still together 25 yrs later. she had to work on trust once again. but we get along good now

I remember the time when my spouse get cheat on me., that was when are not yet together, he used to have a lot of girlfriend besides me, he also used to get them to bed.. it hurt me so much when i noticed that he is a cheater but despite of that i still love him, he promise me that he would never cheat to me again.. And i ma happy to tell you that he is a good man now, we are now together for a long time and he is contented to me so that he is now a cheater.. LOL Goodluck & Happy mylotting.

i just hope you dont have kids. it would be hard on them. if he cheats definitely get out.

Well, if its the first time. I would ask her Why she have done such a thing, and tell her its very offensive for me.. And I would ask her if she doesn't love me anymore.. If that's the case well I'm fine with it. There's still many fishes in the sea you know. If she's sorry I would understand and give her another chance. But if it gets more severe I would have to break up with her and find another path for my life instead of suffering much damage.

Talk to your husband, set him down, explain that you arent bring it up because you want to fight. You are bringing it up because you made a big sacrifice with your feelings by deciding to stay together after what he did and that you need him to help you resolve the obvious pain that has come about because of it. (Honestly, talking to you about it is the least he can do). Then explain to him exactly how you feel and why you feel that way, let him know your fears and take it from there, if all goes well, try to plan some alone time for the two of you where you can rekindle your relationship a bit. Good Luck, I couldnt imagine dealing with this issue personally myself.

I think you have to solve this as quickly as possible I have seen a Japanese TV drama named "The Couple". The husband cheated to his wife, but finally their family breakdown and the divorce came naturely. so If you still love him, tell him what make you so sad.