Which person do you turn to first in a time of need, and why?

United States
August 27, 2009 8:11pm CST
Hello all. I think we each have one particular person to whom we turn first in a time of need...friend, family member, spiritual guide, or if a student, perhaps an adult you're close to other than a parent. For me, to this day, grown as I am, the first person I turn to when I am need of wisdom, empathy, or love and understanding is my mother. She is the person I most trust in this world. Who is the person you turn to first in a time of need, and why?
2 people like this
29 responses
@dpk262006 (56734)
• Delhi, India
28 Aug 09
Hi Karen! Depending upon the nature of problem, I'll also take advice of my mother, else either it is my better half, or if the problem relates between me and my better half, I would take the advice of some close friends, who will tell render me some useful and practical advice. Deepak
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hello my friend. It sounds as though you have a very well-rounded and marvelous support system of family and friends in your life. What a blessing, and may it always be so. Have a delightful weekend, Deepak. Karen
@dpk262006 (56734)
• Delhi, India
29 Aug 09
Hello my dear Karen! Yes, you can say so that I've good support system and I discuss complex issues with my friends and near and dear ones, so as to get a clear perspective of problems. Thanks for your wishes Karen. Deepak.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
Gaining that perspective from others can be a true help to us. It is good to have such.
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I don't have any family left but my sons & their families. I have some very good friends i turn to. I am glad u still have your mom. I wasn't close to my parents so i would have never turned to either one of them, sad but true,.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello my friend. It is indeed sad that you and your parents were not close. My father passed away years ago, but I am still close to my mom. Good friends, such as yours, are also a great blessing. I hope your weekend is a very nice one, and as always, I appreciate your insights. Karen
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
29 Aug 09
YES, it was sad but just the way it was. i lost both parents & my only aunt in 2008 so needless to say 08 was not a good tear, i am very glad you have your mom & that u have a good relatioship w/her. U have a great weekend. jo
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
Hello Jo. I admire your way of facing realities head on. It sets a positive example. Enjoy your day...and thank you. Karen
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hello my friend I would have to say my Daughter, she is pretty honest and if something is wrong or right she just tells me how she feels about it, I trust her, my mom there is somethings I wont say to my mom that is just me, my sisters tell my mother everything, I can't Its not that I don't trust her its just that I don't feel comfortable talking to her about certain things.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hi Kitty :) How wonderful when our kiddos are old enough not only to be still our "children" but our friends, as well. It's also good to get that honest advice, rather than someone merely saying what they think we want to hear. I'm glad you have her...and that she has you. That is a beautiful thing, Kitty. Enjoy the weekend. Karen
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hello my friend Yes we are lucky to have each other,I love her so much You have a great weekend as well my friend
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
Hi Karen. Crying out to God is always a first response to a difficult situation. Then I turn to my husband for help, advise, and encouragement. I know he will always be there for me. He is the one whom I can really trust in everything and we don't keep any secrets from each other.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Blu...God is the greatest source of all, yes? I am happy that you also have a good husband to offer support, advice, and encouragement. We all need that from someone we trust :) Take care, and thank you for sharing here. Karen
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Aug 09
Yes, Karen, God is indeed the source of all, especially all that is good, including good husbands.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 09
Very well said
• United States
28 Aug 09
I usually turn to my oldest sister. I can really say she's my best friend, as well as my sister. She's almost 10 years older than me, and has been there for me all of my life. When I was a teenager and had arguments with my Mom I knew I could talk to my sis and she wouldn't tell Mom what I said, and she'd give me good advice. Since we're both older now we go to each other to talk about most anything that's bothering us. I'm really glad that we're as close as we are because I know a lot of people who don't get along with their siblings.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hi Silver. Siblings can be a blessing, well those we're close with lol. I am the oldest sis in my family and their is also 10 years between myself and my youngest sister, whom I love dearly. Like you and your sister, we have a wonderful rapport. God bless you and your big sister...and may you always enjoy that closeness. Karen
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Karen I'm happy for you that you also get along with your sister. My other sister is 7 years older than me, and we're close too. The only problem is that she lives clear across the country! We do email and talk on the phone a lot though. When we were younger we didn't get along. Mainly I think she felt like I was her pain of a little sister that she didn't want to have to watch. lol But that all changed when I got in my late teens. I'm glad, because she's a really great person and I'm glad to have her as my sis!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
Once we've grown up, the sibling relationship often changes for the better. We're then on a more equal footing lol.
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
29 Sep 09
More often than not, that person has been me! When you're a grown up the only perosn you can rely on is you. Even sometimes as a kid the same is true.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 09
I admire your resolve and self-confidence, Canellita. I suppose as far as people go, self IS the one we can most trust. Thank you for your response. Karen
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
30 Sep 09
It's just that even the most well meaning friends are not always able to help or know what is best for you and sometimes they are just not available or too busy dealing with their own issues.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22900)
• China
8 Nov 09
Hello PW. It all depends on the nature of the thing that makes it. If it is something related to my work, then I mostly turn to my best friend who works in the same school with me, but when it is related to domestic affairs, it is of course my wife and my siblings. We need them in every stage of life for help.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 09
Hi William. I agree, we then to turn to different people for different things. It is good to have that circle of friends and loved ones :)) Yes, we never outgrow a need for others we can turn to. Karen
• India
31 Aug 09
Hey there peacefulWmn9, the young man is back. A good question, when I was young there was nobody for me to turn to, the reason being, I was the only son, no brothers and no sisters. My father was quite distant, and my mother was also not very helpful. So when I got married, I had a strong shoulder to cry on. Right from that day till today, I always turn to my wife in my time of need.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 09
Hello, and welcome back :) It is difficult to be young and have rather distant parents, yes? I am happy that you now have a loving shoulder to which you can take you joys and sorrows both. Have a sweet day. Karen
@sehlers (166)
• United States
31 Aug 09
There are four people I always call when I need help, advice or a shoulder to lean on. They are my ex-mother in law, my older sister and my two best friends. They also know they can call me anytime as well. I check in with these four women several times a week just to chat and see how they're doing. They also check in with me if I don't call them first.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 09
Hello Sehlers. These four relationships sound like a great two-way source of comfort and joy. I imagine you will hang onto them for a lifetime. It is what many would call "an excellent support system." Thank you for responding, and have an excellent day! Karen
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
30 Aug 09
Hi Karen, the first person I turn to is now my therapist, although I only see her once a week, so what I do is that I write down stuff I need help with or has happened to me during the week and I take it to her and talk it through with her, she is a great help, she is my long term counselor now, although I've only been with her for 8 sessions, I have built up a rapport with her and I find her comforting and I feel relaxed. She is helping me a great deal and is very understanding. Sometimes a stranger can be more helpful and sees a different perspective than your nearest and dearest. I do find counseling supportive and it's what I need.
• United States
30 Aug 09
Hello Wolfie. I have taken advantage a few times of that unbiased and supportive help that a good counselor can offer. I think it is important that we find one compatible with us, and it certainly sounds that you have found exactly this. I wish you well as you grow and progress. Karen
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
29 Aug 09
It's a toss up between my Hubby and my Mom. My Hubby b/c he's better at keeping a cooler head and my Mom b/c I know she's always there for me. Either way I've always got someone to turn to. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 09
Hi Twoey. I can see the advantages in having both your husband, with his cool head, and your mom, with her steadfastness whenever you need someone. Each can offer something unique...such a blessing. Enjoy your day Karen
@msinfo79 (325)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Although he's more of an entity than a person I would say God. Then my mother, then my man. After all they all came before me so they should know something. ;)
• United States
29 Aug 09
God counts very much, Ms...a mainstay in my life. And yep, my mom and my man. As you said, when they all came before us, they most like have help or support to offer. Thank you for your response, and have a great weekend. Karen
• United States
28 Aug 09
the first person I go to if its not about her is my mom. I had my son when I was 17 (a few months ago) and she was there for me through that so I know she'll be there no matter what. The next person I go to is my fiance. I have been with him for 4 and a half years and he knows so much about me.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Sarah. Mom's can be our best support at times like that. I am happy that she was there for you when your son was born. And also, I am glad that your fiance is someone you can go to as well. That is as it should be between couples or moms and their children :) Bless you, and thank you for your input here. I hope the weekend is a nice one for you :) Karen
@ucue2008 (926)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
Used to be my mom, but if I tell her my problems, she will be worry, and her health will be deteriorating, so now I tend to keep it all by myself. It hard, really hard,but I prefer to take this burden than to see my parents worry. I am worry for their health, so that's why I had to do this. Friends? I do tell them, to some extent only. I hope I'm strong enough to face all challenges.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello Ucue. I am more aware of this same thing as my mom gets on in years. I do think we get protective of those who raised us then. So yes, we perhaps turn to friends instead, so that we may spare our parents any worries. THank you for sharing your feelings and opinions. Have a great weekend. Karen
• China
28 Aug 09
the first persom I turn to for help when I am in trouble is my mom,although she is not very wisdom,but she is the only person I trust in the world. Sometimes if I have some problems that I don't want my mother know I will turn to my boyfriends.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Cathy. It is good that you have both your mom and your boyfriends to whom you can go, depending on your needs for advice or just a kind ear to listen. Always helps one feel better. Have a happy weekend and thank you for responding :) Karen
@airakumar (1555)
• India
28 Aug 09
I will definitely turn first to my husband whom I love so much and trust him. I know that he will help me in nay ways. I don't ask any help from my friends or family. I have never asked this yet but can't say if I need in future. But at present whenever I am in any need, I straight go to my husband and without any hesitation tell him all the problem. I never hide anything from him.
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello Airakumar. I admire couples like you and your husband who have such love and trust. I am glad that you can share any and all of your problems with your husband...such a comfort! Have a wonderful night and a good weekend, and thank you for sharing your views. Karen
@mdrgsm (61)
• Ukraine
28 Aug 09
I too agree that it depends on the situation on what you need advice on. I try to discern what God would have me do and then I may go to my husband as well. But I too find myself going to my mom or my best friend. I try not to bother my friend so much though, she has her own stuff to deal with. It also depends on what I am seeking when I turn to someone. Do I want comfort, sympathy, understanding, something fixed, or just a shoulder to cry on. So once I figure out what I am seeking I turn to the people listed above.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Mdr...I am like that, wishing to know what God would have me do or where he'd have me go. It is nice to have a circle of loved ones, as you do. to go to depending on your needs. It's also good to be able to figure out what exactly that need is. Thank you for stating your opinion and ways so well. I hope you enjoy your day tomorrow. Karen
@magickat (382)
28 Aug 09
It depends on what the problem is really. First port of call is generally my boyfriend as he will always comfort and reassure me. But if I need advice I will usually turn to my parents. My mum is good at emotional things and my dad is very practical. They have always been there for me and that is very reassuring in itself.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello Magic...a wonderful way to put it: port of call. Moms, the tender ones who understand our emotions, and dads, the practical problem solvers...both who love us always. How very wonderful :) Have a terrific weekend, and thank you so much for responding to this discussion. Karen
@marctiu (830)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
Hi there. When I'am really in need I would turn to my family, especially my father who would give me a piece of advice and a piece of paper with bills in it. I would turn to him because he's the only person who's been supporting me even when I'm still a child.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hi Marctiu...family...what would we do without their love, encouragement, and support? Bless your dad for being there for you. We never completely outgrow that need, nor should we :) Have a delightful weekend, and thank you for responding. Karen
• India
28 Aug 09
I also turn to my mother when i am in need. In fact even when I am away I always keep in touch with my mother on the telephone. I love her very much and she always has the best advice. However with my mother I love My younger sister very much. She is always a source of inspiration and support whenever she is around. She is also a great help and I care for her, though I cannot always reciprocate for everything.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hello to you! I'm glad not to be the only one who still loves, needs, and turns to "mom." Good family bonds, when they are present, are such a source of strength, and when lost, such a source of grief. I hope you and your mom and sis have that closeness always. Thank you for sharing that here, and have a wonderful weekend. Karen